WARNING! This fic contains material that some may find disturbing.

It was right then, while I sat in the crowded exam hall, head down, pouring over the page, searching for answers, that my family died.

When I got home, they were gone. I could not remember anything else, it was as if I was not in my body. Staring down at myself, I watched my lifeless shell be told that her entire world had been destroyed. A hurried apology and it was all gone. I did not mourn, I did not cry, I simply thought. My mind melted into a liquefied swirl of nothingness and my heart’s candle dimmed and then, went out.

I could see nothing, I could feel nothing. It was as if all my senses had been suspended. I was not myself, nor was I anyone else, I should have died, for I could not live, yet whatever cruel master of the universe there is decided to stretch my tortured existence until it snapped.

The next thing I remembered was being led to a ‘home’ where everyone smiled. Everyone but the children. The universe had been twisted to try and make us feel better, but I just became confused. The smiles they wore were false, exasperated ones. They talked so softly to me, the pretended they had known me for years, but no one had known ‘me’ for more than a day, for I was no longer myself. I was unaware of any world outside of the small existence that was mine.

But I would have been so glad for those sickening smiles and caramel coated words on the day I tried to kill myself. I was not meant for life, I should have died with my family two weeks ago, I should have been smashed across the motorway with them. So I thought I would finish what destiny had started. They try to ‘protect’ us. They watch us so closely, yet finding the means to end my existence had been the easiest thing I had undertaken since my family abandoned me, and left me here in the world of the living.

I do not remember the pain, but I remember the relief I felt when I pressed the knife blade to my wrist. I spoke to myself, my mind talking as a separate entity to my body. My poor, weakened, useless body, my poor body who needed to be told where to go, what to do, my poor body who would soon have no one to command it, my poor body who would soon do nothing.

‘Soon, soon, soon.’ I said, ‘Soon we will see them, see our family, very soon.’ But my soft words reminded me of the pillow soft voices of the people, the people with no faces, just smiles. So I shouted, I screamed, I screamed to myself, I screamed orders to my muscles, and they obeyed.

Next chapter coming soon.