A/n- .I don't know how to explain much of this. A story about love and yearning. Review?

My name is Aiden, and I made a hugest mistake ever, one that will probably haunt me for the rest of my mortal life, and whatever life fallows that.

I fell in love.

Not an uncommon story, I'll admit. There are those made-for-TV romances- guy meets girl, girl doesn't want to but she fall head over heels from him and they live happily ever after. Good for fuckin' them. Then there are the more typical, and as I like to call them, 'American romances'- guy and girl meet, they screw like rabbits, girl gets pregnant, guy runs for the hills. That sort of relationship always made me want to puke.

But me? Oh no, I was destine for a whole different relationship.

Firstly, my guy doesn't exist- I came to terms with the fact that I was bi- sexual in the middle of my seventh grade year of school- a time when I was suffering from depression and was partially suicidal. And for all you homophobes, you might as well stop reading now. Personally, I don't give a crap about your 'it's all wrong and not natural' speeches. If you can't deal with it, just stay away from me because I promise you that I don't want to meet you either.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. My guy was replaced with a girl- eh, well, woman. I could never imagine Yun as any less that a woman. She was always so controlled, yet passionate about everything that meant something to her. But, I'll explain Yun later- right now I want to get my point across. I loved her. I loved her so much it made me, Miss-rock-cold-ice- queen, break down crying that the mere thought of seeing her hurt. I couldn't imagine life without her really- I knew it was unlikely that she'd ever feel for me, but she still meant everything to me. Damn it all.

So, what do you think? Think I probably ended up happy? I admitted my love to her, we met a few challenges, but we're still together? I mean, chances are that if I'm writing this that it's meant to inspire you in some way? I'm afraid to say no. Anyone who can't stand the harsh truth that life is based off of, I suggest you join the homophobes and go find some book on happy things.

For the rest of you, I expect you want me to start at the beginning, huh? I guess I might as well- it might clear up some confusion. Anyway, I wouldn't be a very good narrator if I began in the middle.

Things began when I was in the sixth grade, when I was living in Rockville, Maryland. I've always been on the shorter side, and as a sixth grader I stood 4'6", was a wannabe Goth, and hung out with a close group of friends who didn't care for personal image. There was Anna- she had been my best friend since I had moved to Maryland from Wisconsin, really trustworthy but a sarcastic bitch at times. Jessica, my nerdy pal who was completely helpless and tended to take things at face value. Yelena, a Russian friend of mine who was obsessed with love and was unnaturally tall.

And, of course, Yun. Pure black silky hair, emotionless eyes, tall and feminine who acted like a tomboy. Top of the class, my friend since fifth grade when the gang hooked up because we were all into Pokemon. Go figure. I'll admit Yun was never the most beautiful person in the world, and she had horrible taste in clothes (even though I was a wannabe Goth, my method included the best). Even still, she was gorgeous to my eyes even then. Passionate, completely unafraid. Perfect.

Well, in February of that year, Yun moved out to China where her family was from. Crushing blow- I spent nights weeping over my lost friend. Slowly things got back to normal. A new girl, Marion, joined the group along with a few lackies. Sixth grade went by smoothly with only my ass of a band teacher to ruin it.

Seventh grade was worse.

The middle of the year, I began skipping Spanish class. I hated my teacher- all around bitch extraordinaire. Managed to break the school's record- skipped thirty three times before I was caught. I lied and told them I had only skipped fourteen times. Idiotic school didn't bother to check.

I went through the whole 'what were you thinking?' thing with my parents. Grounded. Didn't even get to go to the dance on my birthday. What can I say? She WAS a bitch.

And then, towards the end of the year, it hit me. I realized out of the blue why all year I hadn't been able to involve myself in those 'date-for-a- week-before-making-a-huge-scene' relationships middle school was famous for. I was gay- well, not completely. Bi-sexual, definitely. When I began dreaming of Yelena, and Yun in VERY interesting positions, I think it was quite evident. Kinda hard to ignore that.

I began to accept it, but as my feelings for Yelena disappeared, along with affections for this blond boy who I attended elementary school with, those for Yun stayed. Through out summer they stayed, as I packed up to move back to Wisconsin with my family. And yep, they remained there after more than a few months after summer camp, and getting settled into the new place. It really didn't shock me that I had fallen for her, though it took me a few nights of delicate thinking to realize that I loved her.

Eighth grade at a new school. I had to find new friends, friends that would stick with me throughout the vital high school years. I ended up with a group of nerd-idealists, with a few religion-gone-overboard lackies. A group of people who would tease and insult me playfully, but would defend me from any outsider who dared to do the same. A group where we spent sleepovers watching anime and horror films, and stayed up late talking about politics, movies and religion. To make it short, I was happy here.

My feelings for Yun never faltered, never disappeared as I hid them, making up stories that I had a "boyfriend" named Yun. I knew that most of them would support me if I ever came out of the closet, but I was too insecure to do so. I trusted them with my life, but not Yun's. If word were to get out, to here my angel's name said with a sneer of disgust.

She had told me that she was returning to the states after she had completed high school in China. Because her spoken English was so good, she was winning contests that made up for her poor grades in the advanced math classes. It was hoped that those contests would persuade the schools, who valued any skill in English, to accept Yun as a student. If it did, she would have been able to graduate by 2005. It was 2003 when I was in eighth grade.