{What else can I do when the tears have all been wasted?}

I finally let my eyes drift fully closed and waited for you. (It seems like I'm always waiting for you...) You were going to make me lay there and anxiously await your next move, my hand resting lightly on your skin, and I knew you were loving every minute of it.

{And the only voice you choose to hear sings the songs of our hearts breaking.}

You scolded me twice more for attempting to peek before I finally felt the barest brush of a finger against my lips. I immediately sought for you with my mouth, straining to reach you, to please you (doesn't it seem like I'm always trying to please you?) but you eased me back, whispering "no no no" again as if I were breaking the rules to your favorite game. When I was still once more, you lowered your fingertip and gently touched it to my mouth. Now I understood; slowly, carefully, I met your finger with my lips, caressing it gently until you drew away again. This was how the game was played.

{Say your dreams, they all have changed. }

I could hear you breathing softly beside me, feel the gentle rise and fall of your bare chest against my forearm as you dipped your finger back to my lips. It lingered there for longer than before, and I took full advantage of it; my mouth closed around your fingertip as my tongue darted forward to tease the skin playfully, but you only allowed it for a moment. I could feel you withdrawing again, and my eyes began to open in protest... but you hushed me yet again with a soft but stern "NO", and my lids reluctantly fluttered closed.

{Well, my smiles, they all have faded.}

You were being unusually quiet. In a situation that was universally understood as a time to be silent, you were generally found to be chattering away, commenting on something absolutely inane to have been noted at that moment. But now... you were utterly hushed aside from your gentle, rhythmic breathing. It was soothing, the silence broken only by your slow rushes of air, and it gave me the patience to wait out your quirky game.

{And the thoughts that used to seem so pure in my heart, they now feel jaded.}

I'm not as patient as you want me to be. (I'm not a lot of things you want me to be. But I try to please you... and I wait for you...) This was proven shortly when, through my ever so slightly cracked eyelids, I could see you smiling at me. I wasn't sure if that smile was mocking me or not... so, for good measure, I darted forward and snapped at your slowly descending finger. I didn't open my eyes, but I could feel you jerk away in surprise... then heard your soft chuckle of playful disapproval. "It was cute until you did that," you murmured. I began to counter, opening my eyes, but there were those damn fingertips again, gently bringing my eyelids down. You hushed me when I protested and pulled me back into the game.

{Because I wanna feel like I did.}

You're always doing that. Just when I think I've worked myself free, you make sure I get tangled again and draw me into your games. I can't tell if I love or hate that about you.

{And I wanna feel innocence.}

I laid there as patiently as I could and waited to feel your finger against my lips again. But you hesitated even longer, presumably a punishment for attempting to take a chunk out of your skin... then at last, you descended again, this time touching first one finger to my lips, then another. I kept up with you the best I could (aren't I always keeping up with you?) and tried to capture each fingertip with my mouth, tenderly treating each one I caught with slow caresses of the tongue and lips.

{What else can it be except this pride I'm sick of drinking.}

For a few minutes, the chase became less difficult; you allowed your fingers to linger there as I did my best to please you, and for once it seemed as if you weren't trying so hard to be so damn elusive.

{Storm clouds all have gone away.}

But, as always, you withdrew eventually. (You always pull away in time...) I waited, somewhat patiently, and rubbed my foot slowly against yours. It was oddly silent again; even your breaths seemed more quiet than before.

{Can we stop this thing from sinking?}

You were waiting... and so was I... but now that I look back on it, I think we were each waiting for entirely different things.

{Because I wanna feel like I did.}

Things had been moving much faster earlier. That was what I was more accustomed to... moving fast and hard, making the bed shake, tangled tongues and lips and limbs. We had moved together, sweated together, and now I realized you had worked yourself into me (in so many ways). I could smell you on my own skin... the scent of musky cologne and clean soap... I became so stupidly lost in the recognition of your scent that it was a surprise when your fingertip brushed my lips again.

{And I wanna feel innocence.}

I opened my mouth just slightly and give your fingertip a tender kiss... finally surrendering to your flighty, hesitant ways. (Always surrendering, ALWAYS surrendering...) Only now, YOU surrender too; I felt your finger slide gently into my mouth, and I slowly let it in (let you in...) to savor with my tongue, caressing and stroking and doing my best (always doing my best...) to make this enjoyable. My lips closed around your finger and carefully moved with you as you shifted (in pleasure?) in my mouth, and then I wasn't even thinking much anymore... I was just savoring the moment, taking each finger as you withdrew one and offered another, feeling your foot writhe against mine, hearing our breaths quicken even though we weren't moving much at all.

{And I want you to know, and to feel in your soul, that someone has come and gone.}

At that moment, I had no way of knowing what was to come... I didn't know that later that night over lukewarm McDonald's hamburgers you'd say you wanted to end it. That three hours of passion and fun were only to come to a close with a heartfelt speech about how you wanted romance... even though when we began, it was I who was more inclined towards the magic of "love" and you who wanted a strictly physical relationship. But of course, life has a sick kind of irony, and you never cease to surprise me.

{I'm stuck up here with you.}

... but at that moment ... at that moment I had no idea it would be the last time we'd be so close. That moment was just clear, and pure, and oddly innocent considering we were both nearly naked. It was exactly what I'd wanted for such a long time... that didn't kick in until later, when what I wanted was out of reach again. (Aren't you always JUST out of reach?)

{I never thought we'd get this high.}

At last, you ever so slowly pulled your finger from my mouth, touching it gently to my tongue the whole way. I thought maybe it was the end of the game... oh no. You began to tenderly trace my lips with your fingertip, watching (and probably smiling) as I inhaled shakily and waited for more... but you lowered your hand and rested it lightly on my chest, just below my collarbone. "Why did you keep trying?" you asked softly, and I could hear your breathing again, relaxed and soothing. "I don't know," I answered, a little taken aback and out of breath. You made a quiet sound as I began caressing your skin with my nails, and I could feel your arm tighten around my waist. "Was it worth it?" you murmured after a moment.

{I used to be afraid of falling.}

It was an odd question... but I found myself whispering "yes", and we both lapsed back into silence.

{Now I'll spread my wings and I will fly.}

I asked you what you meant by that... but you dodged the question and prodded me into thinking of something new to try, insisting you were bored and needed something new to keep your attention. And so I helped you think as you rested your head on my shoulder, busying my hand with your slightly damp hair.

{I wanna feel like I did.}

But I kept wondering what you meant.

{And I wanna feel innocence.}

You never say anything without having a true symbol behind it... you're such an artist at heart. And that seemingly innocent question probably asked much more than if chasing after you elusive fingers with my mouth was worth the trouble. But at the moment? I had no idea that the real chase was almost over, that I'd been chasing after you for so long only to reach the finish line... and be told the race was long over. And was the race really worth running?

{I wanna feel like I did.}

I opened my mouth and softly asked again what you meant... but your answer was your lips on my skin, your hands gently sliding back into action. And again I surrendered -- surrendered my thoughts, my worries, my will, and my innocence.

{Oh, and I wanna feel innocence, oh, I...}

And it was worth it.