Title: All The Silent Tears I've Shed
Author: Ayakaishi Fei aka. FireDemon
Category: Original Manga. POV. Romance. Angst. Humour.
Warnings: Shoujo ai. Some Shounen-ai. Child Abuse.
Summary: Aya Matthews is a 16 year old genius with secrets of her own.
Anyone interested in her thoughts on her friends, her fears about her
homophobic family, or her growing feelings for the puritan-raised gothic
girl she's dating? Side story to All The Broken Glass.
One: Is The Loneliest Number.
My fingers run lightly through my girlfriends glittering white-blond hair,
as she rests her head in my lap. My eyes are fixed adoringly on her
peaceful face, her eyes are closed, and her dark silvery lashes stand out
against her pale snow white skin. God she's beautiful.
Her painted black lips part and her eyes open as she peers up at me through
her lovely dark silvery-grey eyes.
"Hey Angel," The nickname slips out softly, my own lips close to her ear.
"Good Morning." Her voice is soft, with the most lovely old-fashioned
accent I have ever heard.
I'm about to close the distance between my lips and her skin to press a
kiss in the hollow under the pierced ear, when a voice jars me from my
"I can't believe we have to write about *ourselves* I mean, can you imagine
anything more boring?" My eyes immediately seek out the owner of the voice,
my fingers tightening in Delilah's hair. Mouse brown, slightly frizzy hair
frames an oval face dominated by large lavender eyes - Indigo's only decent
"She may be boring but I'm not," I whisper softly into my lovers ear
drawing a soft purring laugh that vibrates through my body.
A brash confident female voice breaks through my concentration once again,
"I'm going to write about myself from Lee-chan's perspective. How's this
for an opening: Sedra is hot. She's got it all, brains, charm and sex
appeal. I secretly want to tie her to my bed and ravish her. I think about
it every time she walks into the room and smirks that fucking gorgeous
smirk of hers. I saw her naked once-" The brunette, Sedra is cut off by her
best friend Lee.
"I think not."
My eyes flicker to the two girls sitting across from us. Sedra's golden-
brown eyes meet mine and she winks roguishly. My cheeks flush
instinctively. I don't have a crush on Sedra or anything stupid like that,
but she is very, very pretty. She has this incredible figure, I mean I
don't consider myself ugly, but I'm way too short, and my breasts are never
going to be big enough to be eye-catching. The best description I could
hope for is cute. Sedra, well, she's sexy, I don't know anyone who can ooze
sex appeal the way she does so effortlessly.
"But Lee-chan, you know it was the truth!"
My eyes flicker to Lee, trying to catch her reaction. There is no doubt in
my mind that Sedra likes girls - I've seen her with her tongue down enough
girls throats to dispel any doubts to the contrary, but Lee I'm not so sure
about. I'm not going to say I can 'sense' the lesbian vibes or anything
like that, but sometimes it seems like she's looking when she shouldn't be.
I dunno, I could be imagining things, I always get the feeling that my best
friend Sanosuke looks at boys, but, that's just me. Lee's fairly pretty
too, in a completely different way to Sedra. Her hair is a shade of blonde
that can only be classed as golden but her eyes, while a nice shade of
emerald green, are never soft. Delilah shifts on my lap and my eyes shift
back to her. Sedra and Lee may be pretty, but neither of them have anything
on the angel in my lap.
I can hear the others laughing at Sedra's protestation, but I'm not so sure
that Sedra's joking, there's something in her tone sometimes, and the way
she looks at Lee.
"Okay, I have my first line!" Shannon announces triumphantly.
"Do share," Katren encourages. Delilah sits up to listen, nestling between
my legs comfortably, even though she's a lot taller than me.
"Okay: Before I really get into this essay, let's get something straight:
I can't help but giggle, while I'm not as close to Shannon as I am to
Delilah or Sano, he is one of the few people I consider friends, and he
always makes me laugh. Sedra responds with a lewd comment and tugs at one
of the platinum blond streaks in her hair. The streaks are kind of her
trademark, I'd love to get my fronts bangs bleached like hers, but the
regrowth would be hell. Sedra never has any regrowth - I'm so jealous.
Delilah lazily pets my thigh, as I try to think up a decent introduction.
Usually I'm a really good student; I'm actually, immodest though I know
this sounds, practically a genius. I skipped a few grades, so I'm only just
16 and I'm a senior.
Shannon tugs on my short chocolate-brown hair with a grin, "You're not
zoning out on me are you darling?"
I roll my eyes, tugging his slightly longer blond-and-purple hair, "Course
Shannon grins at the nickname. He loves to play the part of the flamboyant
gay, and he's always been very open, he's like, 'I'm gay - Deal with it'. I
guess in a way I'm kind of jealous that he's so secure in his sexuality,
and that he can tell the world. I don't even have the guts to tell my own
Shannon is very pretty, not good-looking, pretty. Like a girl. Like, if he
had breasts and a pussy I might be interested... maybe.
"I think I have an introduction, but I'm not sure if it works or not,"
Katren, Shannon's ex-girlfriend informs us politely, "Katren from the
perspective of her sub."
For anyone who doesn't know, a sub is the submissive partner in a
sadomasochistic relationship - in other words the one who lies there and
takes it. Katren is a dom, the dominant partner in the relationship. We've
talked a few times, and she's given me a few pointers on basic bondage. You
know, tying knots and stuff. She told me about safety words too. Delilah
and I aren't that bad, but I guess it's better to be safe than sorry.
I know her boyfriend fairly well, and I actually really enjoy talking to
him, he's intelligent and sensitive and he comes off as really sweet. I
have never once heard him make a disgusting or sadomasochistic comment,
which is weird, cos you'd think someone in that type of relationship would.
Then again, Lila and I seem like perfect angels and we get up to some
fairly kinky shit these days.
Shannon leers at Katren, "Sounds like fun."
I can just tell he's thinking about Sanosuke, you can always tell cos he
gets this impious look on his face, like he's picturing him naked. Shannon
is in love with Sano, everyone knows it, except probably Sano, but then, no
offence to Sano, he is my best friend, but he's kind of slow.
Intellectually he's fine, emotionally he's a dickhead.
"Katren, I mean my Master, is the most sadistically talented ray of
sunshine you'll ever meet in your life..." Katren continues out in her soft
"That's good Kat!" Sedra beams at her.
Sedra is always very careful of what she says to Katren because I think she
senses that lesbianism makes Katren uncomfortable. I don't know whether
Sedra knows the reason why, but Katren's kind of homophobic. She doesn't
think it's wrong per se, but when she was younger she had a cousin who was
struggling with her sexuality, and blamed Katren for her lapses in good
judgement. I think being molested by a girl who then slapped you for
tempting her from the path of righteousness and explained why lesbianism
was wrong would be enough to make anyone uncomfortable with even the idea.
I don't know why Katren told me, because she hasn't to my knowledge told
anyone else, except Shannon and Thom, her boyfriend.
I don't like hearing about child abuse, it makes me uncomfortable, but it
seems like I'm constantly being dumped on by practically everyone. I
sometimes wonder if I have a tattoo on my head that reads, tell me all your
problems and give me explicit details about your sex life.
I wouldn't be surprised.
My beautiful girlfriend sighs, sending her gauzy long-sleeved over-shirt
fluttering as she shifts against me, "I'm never going to be able to do
this," She confides, "I hate talking about myself."
Delilah isn't a big talker and neither am I for that matter, so our
relationship isn't really a loud one. I run my fingers through her hair
again, "You'll be okay."
She doesn't look convinced, so I lean in to nuzzle her neck, I love her
neck, it's the most gorgeous alabaster shade of white, and extremely
sensitive. "You'll. Be. Fine." I punctuate each word with a kiss to her
She laughs and the sound vibrates against my lips.
"What did I do to deserve you?"
"What didn't you do?"
I'm about to kiss her, like I've been tempted to do all day when a tall
blur of colour flings itself behind Sano, shrieking in panic.
My lips twitch as the black haired boys faithful tormenters appear in close
"Ohh Jamie, dearest. Come out, come out wherever you are."
The tall gangly youth meeps almost inaudibly in panic, "Lizzie is scary."
My eyes flicker to the aforementioned girl, Aliselle Bennet, better known
as "Lizzie" is indeed inordinately frightening. I'm not sure of her
sexuality, and quite frankly I don't want to be sure. She scares me enough
as it is.
I let out a chuckle when I'm treated to the hilarious sight of Lizzie's
boyfriend, Marco Bond, more commonly referred to as Marc, straddling my
poor Sano's hips in tight leather pants and looking very gay.
Sanosuke squeaks, "Jay-ME!"
Jamie backs away, "Sorry Sano."
Marco grins maliciously, and I have to fight back a shudder, "Don't worry
Jay-Jay dear, we don't want to *hurt* you..."
"We just want to rape you is all!" Aliselle chimes in loudly.
Her neon blue hair is bright in the sunlight, and her scary yellow contacts
seem to flash evilly.
"No, stay back!" Jamie yells as the two chase him around the tree.
Aliselle finally manages to catch him, and immediately starts dropping
kisses all over him, while Marc feels up his thigh.
"Get off of me you sick bitch, you're my cousin and your boyfriend is
I'm not so sure that Marco is straight, there's just something about the
way he dresses... Joking. He does have his moments however.
"But you're just so irresistible," Marco coos, sliding his hand round to
caress Jamie's ass.
What kind of straight male feels up another's ass willingly?
I shudder and look away, I am friends with Jamie, but our friendship has
always been rather strained. You see, Jamie, very stupidly, went and fell
in love with me just after I started dating Delilah, and informed me with a
sloppy, very masculine kiss which didn't do a thing for me.
I let my lips brush Delilah's then I slide my tongue gently into her mouth,
trying to erase the memory of being kissed by a male with the taste of her
mouth - which is spearmint right now.
I pull back and Delilah smiles at me, "You've got my lipstick on your lips
I'm about to shrug and stick my tongue back down her throat when we're
interrupted by Sanosuke shrieking, "Himi!"
My eyes, along with everyone else's swing to look at the pair.
Sanosuke Atai is one of my best friends. There's probably only one way to
describe him... cute. Not sexy cute - baby cute. Like Shannon he's pretty.
Unlike Shannon he has a better model - in female. His practically identical
twin sister Himitsu - she's one fine pair of legs.
Not, of course, that I'd ever even be tempted to cheat on Delilah, but
I don't really listen to all of their conversation, but I do hear Himitsu's
confession that she's leaving. I watch as she stands, and disappears out
through the gate, her short green uniform skirt flying out behind her. I
repeat, that girl has one nice set of legs.
My attention turns back to my best friend, "Are you okay, Sanosuke?"
He nods, giving me a watery smile, "Yeah. Himi says good bye."
Delilah smiles softly at him, covering my hand with her own, "We'll all
miss her Sanosuke."
I think he starts to reply but he's cut off by the bell and I turn to
quickly kiss Lila goodbye.
It's worth smudged lipstick. Her kisses make me tingly inside.
I fall into step with Jamie as Delilah disappears towards the music
I still don't have an introduction. Perhaps I should be all up myself. I am
Aya Matthews, resident genius and sex-goddess. That should go down well.
To Be Continued...
Authors Notes: This is the side story to All The Broken Glass. It starts
off with the same scene, but will go on to be very, very different, I
promise. I decided I would write the first chapter of Aya's story, since
she was distracting me from everyone else. I guess this is more shoujo-ai
orientated than All The Broken Glass, but I thought, for anyone who's read
ATBG, it'd be interesting to see Sano from someone else's POV, and to see
the rest of them. Anyone interested? Review please!!!