Title: All The Silent Tears I've Shed

Author: Ayakaishi Fei aka. FireDemon

E-mail: Ken_Dai_

Rating: PG13

Category: Original Manga. POV. Romance. Angst. Humour.

Warnings: Shoujo ai. Some Shounen-ai. Child Abuse.

Summary: Aya Matthews is a 16 year old genius with secrets of her own. Anyone interested in her thoughts on her friends, her fears about her homophobic family, or her growing feelings for the puritan-raised gothic girl she's dating? Side story to All The Broken Glass.

Two: Is Company...

I sigh as I switch on my laptop; it was a birthday present from my father a little over a year ago. I hoist it into my lap so that I can sit propped up against the fluffy cream pillows in my queen sized bed, the cream gauzy fly netting that's hung from my roof over my bed obscures the doorway from view, so I push it aside.

My left hand wall is actually a mirrored built in robe, next to the doorway to my ensuite. My right hand wall has my uncluttered white bureau pushed up against it and the doorway into my room from the hallway. Across from me lies my bookshelves filled with tasteful nic-nacs, books and prizes I've collected over the years. My TV is in between the two shelves, in the home- entertainment set-out that my father brought me last Christmas.

My best friend Sanosuke thinks I'm spoiled, he doesn't say it in so many words, but it's in his eyes when he sees all my possessions. Delilah never notices my possessions, when she's in my room she only has eyes for me.

I've never invited any of my other friends over.

There is a soft knock on my door and then it opens, before I have a chance to reply, and my fathers approaching footsteps are muffled by the thick cream carpet.

"Hello Aya, did you have a nice day at school?"

I put my laptop aside, setting it on the floor out of the way as I look up at him.

"Fine, thank you."

He smiles charmingly, chocolate brown eyes warm under wavy blond hair, "Mind if I sit down darling?"

I swallow, "No."

He smiles and sits down next to me, his hips touching mine as he presents me with a rose.

"I stopped by the flower-shop on the way home and when I saw this I decided I just had to give it to you."

"Thank you." I smile weakly and set the rose aside. I've never been fond of red roses.

"Can I have a hug, beautiful?" He opens his arms and smiles hopefully.

I oblige, trying to make it a brief, respectable embrace, but he holds me close and kisses the top of my head.

"What did you do in school today?"

I shrug, "Not much, just the usual school stuff."

He laughs, and I squirm as his hand traces my spinal column until it reaches my buttocks.

"Nothing exciting, huh sweet pea?"

I shake my head as his fingers creep lower, and force myself not to move, "I guess you're tired now baby? Daddy doesn't want to keep you up."

I try to smile, "I am kind of tired."

"Oh sweetie, you should have said so," He smiles at me, "I have one more present for you. I was going to save this till next week when you heard back about your scholarships, but I think I want to give it to you now."

My heart quickens as he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a glittering chain.

"Daddy?" I question.

He smiles and leans over to fasten the necklace around my neck. His fingers follow the chain down and brush briefly across my barely covered breasts.

"You look beautiful," His handsome face lights up, and he finally releases me from his embrace. I pull away quickly.

"I might head off to bed too." He smiles, "Good night my darling."

He leans forward to kiss me and I turn my head slightly so that he catches the corner of my mouth instead of my lips.

He smiles again and walks out, and I breathe a silent sigh of relief tugging the necklace off as quickly as I can.

Sanosuke thinks I'm spoiled, but I'm not. I pay for every gift I'm given with the touches I endure.

I feel so unclean. I wish I had my Angel with me, to hold me close tonight, but I don't. There's no one but me in my big lonely bed.

I lean down to switch off my laptop, and then I roll over, burying myself under my mounds of cream blankets. I know my mother won't come in to bid me good-night. My mother never does anything that's inappropriate. She doesn't like being with me - I can't remember the last time she so much as spoke to me affectionately - let alone hugged me.

Not that I'm complaining, I'd rather my mother's distance to my father's affection. I don't know what it is about my father's 'cuddles' that I don't like, and I try not to think about it.

My mind circles back to the topic however. When I was younger, before I transferred to my mother's school, I used to go to a private school called St Catherine's School for Privileged Girls, where my father was a science teacher. He drove me to work with him every morning. He used to kiss me goodbye in the car park, he'd drive me home after school, and he was always giving me gifts. More than a few of the girls in the school were jealous of me, because my father was, and probably still is considered very handsome. However, when I told one of them, a girl I considered my best friend, Kristin, about how my fathers hugs made me uncomfortable, and how he made me put on the dresses he bought me in front of him... she told the whole school. I had to transfer schools because all of the girls in my class thought I slept with him so that he'd give me gifts.

I have never slept with my father, and I doubt my father even wants to sleep with me. I suppose, when I was younger, I thought that his hugs and kisses were normal - other girls in my class hugged and kissed their parents. It wasn't until about 8th or 9th grade that I started noticing things about how other girls hugged their parents.

Now I just pretend it doesn't happen. I have my Angel to protect me from my memories, and if my father ever does try anything - which he won't - I'll tell him that I'm a lesbian, and that his cock is the biggest turn-off I've ever seen.

My breath hitches as I hear a noise creak outside my door, and I immediately pretend to be sleeping. I know; it's childish, but it never stopped working, so I never grew out of it.

I'm not stupid. I know that I avoid my problems like the plague, but sometimes, if you can't deal with something it is better not to think about it.

My room goes quiet, and I fall into a deep dreamless sleep before I even realise I'm no longer conscious.

I'm awoken the next morning by my family's maid - note that I say maid, not servant. My mother doesn't have time to clean the house and work full-time, so she hired Antonia to help-out. I get on fairly well with Antonia: we have a deal. She helps me hide things from my parents, and sneak out to see my friends, and I keep quiet about the Italian boyfriend who comes to visit her when she's cleaning the house.

It's a good deal, because I get a trustworthy friend in the bargain, and a mother figure who can give me better advice than my own.

I ride to work with my mother and head towards our spot as soon as she lets me out of the car. I'm not surprised to see Sanosuke waiting for me, head bent over homework I suspect he's only pretending to do.

I'm proven correct when he sighs and stuffs his homework back into his bag exasperatedly.

"Hey Sano." I smile and sit down next to him.

"Hey Aya," He looks up and smiles back. I can't help but notice that his lip is split and he has a beautiful shiner. I sigh and pull a wad of the clean pale blue tissues I stole from my mother out of my bag and dab at the blood welling from his lip. I'm so used to seeing him like this it's practically painful.

"What happened?" I ask, following our time-honoured convention.

"Colin." He replies shortly. Big surprise there.

Colin is Sanosuke's step-father. He's a right asshole, slaps his wife and kids around, drinks, yells a lot. Unlike my father, he doesn't know the meaning of the word subtlety. Which is why nobody knows about my father, and nobody had to ask about Sano's.

I imagine he thinks it's some big secret, but nobody with eyes could miss that he's being abused. But he's also the only one who can do anything about it, and the only one who can ask for help.

I said before that Sano's cute, he's like an injured animal you just want to snuggle up with. I suppose more accurately, I'd say he's like a wolf cub. He looks all cute and playful, so it's easy to forget he has teeth. I've seen him in action, and whatever other faults he may have, no one can say that he ever just lies there and takes it.

I'm not a psychologist, but I imagine his fear of becoming like his mother is what drives him to bait people he can't win against, and to fight even when he knows he'll lose.

I suppose I really admire him too, which is one of the reasons that he is my best friend. He's reliable, older-than-his-years, yet somehow innocent at the same time. A contradiction in himself one might even say.

The silence is probably starting to grow heavy, because he breaks it "How are you going with your English?"

"Not too bad," I reply, deciding to run one of my random ideas by him, "I'm writing from the perspective of my mirror."

He stares at me, and I'm starting to think it's a stupid idea, when he smiles, "That's a really unique idea."

I shrug, but I'm pleased nevertheless - I hate being mainstream, "I want to write about the sort of pressure I'm under, but I'm also gonna write a really steamy sex scene with me and Lila."

I hadn't really thought too much about what I wanted to write until I blurted that out, but I do want to write about what I'm going through - only not everything. Just enough to freak people out.

Sano tugs on one of his long black bangs, and I turn back to study him. I guess maybe I was a little unfair when I said he looked like a baby. He's not... unattractive. If I liked guys I imagine I'd like him well enough. He's Japanese - and he looks it, even more than Lee who was actually born there. He has this incredible dead-straight jet black hair, which is fairly long, set in jagged spikes that hang down rather than out, with the coolest crimson-red streaks. He's slender, like most Japanese, with fairly effeminate features. Not unattractive... just... not the right sex.

"Good morrow Aya, I hope I find you well?" A lightly teasing voice asks.

"Delilah," I smile, staring at the angel before me.

Her arms enfold me in the hug I've been longing for and I bury my head in the crook of her neck, even though I have to be on tiptoes to reach it.

"We have a class sweet. Mayhap I shall see you during our break?"

"Of course!" I kiss her jaw - it being as high as I can reach, and then drop back, "I'll see you soon love."

She nods with a small smile.

I can't help but remember this other movie I watched as I watch her walk away - and no, it wasn't a porno - it was... I forget, but the moral of the movie was that you knew that your partner was perfect for you, if they made you better than you were without them.

I guess that's stuck with me, because being with Li makes me better than I am without her.

So I guess I have to write about her in my oral, because she's the other half of my soul. She is who makes me who I am, whether other people can see it or not.

Authors Notes: This was a hard chapter to write, because I had to introduce Aya's problems, and she's a very personal person - she doesn't like sharing. She's better than Lee, but only just. Anyway, second chapter of this took a while, because I was busy writing ATBG, until I got writers block, and of course reading the 5th Harry Potter book - It took me about 10 hours(?) I guess... I was up till about half past 2 reading it so that I could finish it before I went to bed. Heh. Yay me.

Anyway, Read and Review, tell me what you think. Should I continue with Aya's POV, or is it just repetitive/annoying?