Warning: For your own good DON'T FOLLOW ANY OF THE ADVICE IN THIS DOCUMENT!

Are you new to writing for , unsure how to proceed, or a seasoned pro, just looking for a few tips?

Answer yes to any of the above and you’ve came to the right place!

Rem’s top 5 tips for writing good stories!

1)Spelling checking and proof reading.

You are the righter, the master of your craft. Evertything you type is corrrect first time. You doNT MAKE SPELLING Errors , or gramaticla mistakes, you are the master of punctuation . My the hell should you evn bothr to speLLCheck yor work? WHY EVne bother with a pROOF reaDER ?

Why not post your work strait away after typing it up, too give it that hot off the press feel?

Not correcting your spelling shows u r a real righter. Shakespeare spellt words lots of differeent words in different ways! It also allows u 2 make up your owwn words , jAMES jOYCE made up lotts of nu words...and was a very well respected writer.

2) Caffeine - the writers little helper.

A little known fact is that caffeine not only keeps you awake, it also makes you write better!

That’s right folks, down a can of Coke or a bucket of coffee and watch the word’s flow. The hyper activity caused by doing so means that you write a lot faster than usual, the writing will also be of a much lower quality. But you won’t care about that, because the caffeine caused hyper activity has dulled all your senses to criticism.

Once the story is finished, post it immediately. As said in point 1, you are a master of the craft of writing, so you do not need to use a spellchecker or proof-reader.

Lastly, write ‘I was hyped up on caffeine when I wrote this’ in the summery’. This is special secret writers code-speak. To other Caffeine hyped writers it means, read me, I write just like you! To the people with an ounce of intelligence it means AVOID. But you don’t care about them, people who

don’t like Caffeine, they’re only jealous of your obvious talent, and you shouldn’t listen to them.

3) Characters

It’s important for the characters you have chosen to write about to sound like they do in the show. If you have a problem with this, i.e. find it too much effort, follow this little tip. Find a script of the show/game/manga you are writing about, and lift lines directly from that, into whatever scenario you are writing. Nobody will notice the seamless transaction.

Or if even this is to much work for you, just write what you want, as a master of writing you can blend your original words with that of the script seamlessly, even if there is no way in hell a character would ever say that,

Example,

In a DBZ fic.

Goku: (Actual script) Who me? ...I’m dead, just back for the day

Vegeta: (Your dialogue) I’m so happy that you are back Goku! Lets paint our toenails and go shopping for potpourri!

Or in an Evangelion fic

Gendou: (Actual script) Rei, go to Dogma and get the lance.

Rei: (Your dialogue) Screw you man, I’m staying put!

Wasn’t that incredible? If I hadn’t pointed out where the original script started, you wouldn’t have spotted it. Go on; go try it out, because on , it doesn't matter what they’re saying,

As long as you point out who’s said it!

Consider the words, There, Their, and they’re

Were, where, wear and we’re

To, too and two

All sound the same. This must mean that they mean the same. Don’t let weirdo’s tell you different, instead just use them interchangeably.

If your a guy, imagine having an ultra-cool name like Spike X Valentine (The ‘X’ stands for extreme).

Imagine winning every battle with your incredible, unstoppable, author created battle techniques.

Imagine everyone either admiring you, or being spectacularly jealous of your amazing abilities.

Imagine having knowledge of 24 forms of martial arts, and being a snappy dresser to boot!

Imagine how it would feel to be sexy, confident and intelligent.

Imagine dieing in a way so tragic that everyone is really upset, and admits that they were actually in love with you, but never actually had the courage, making them ultimately more mournful.

Imagine having multi-coloured hair.

Imagining your fav characters from any anime/TV show/computer game/etc falling in love with you.

Imagine having a mysterious and cool sounding name like Emeralda, Zarmara or Mary-sue.

Congratulations, you have just created an ACC or author created character!

Now, go write a fanfic staring them.

You’ve read my advice, you know the tricks of the trade, so what's stopping you? Go, Go for the good of the community! Write your very first fanfic, and watch the review roll in [1]

End

[1] The Author of this document can not guarantee that these reviews will be positive!

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Authors Note

I am aware of the irony of you discovering a non- intentional spelling or grammatical error within this document. Please be kind.

I myself discovered several, this essay was posted, removed, corrected then reposted three times because of it! Face it, I'm just a hypocrite.