I wanted to be beautiful.

Always did I guess. Always wanted to be the one all the boys drooled over while I seductively walked down the hall in my short skirt and low top. I wanted to be that girl. Instead I got the girl that the boys made fun of, the one they used to laugh when I bent over, you know they did stupid shit, thought they were funny. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not extremely huge or anything. I can still fit into a regular sized seat and still do things that you "normal" weight people can do, thank you very much, I'm just..overweight. About 45 pounds to be exact. Not a huge amount, but for me at the time I was the biggest thing in the world. I always thought people were laughing at me behind my back, telling jokes every time I walked by. Oh and did I mention that I was extremely paranoid about it to? If someone would even laugh as I was walking by I thought for sure they were laughing at me.

So how did I get fat you ask? Well you probably weren't asking that but I'll tell you anyway. People deal with their problems in all sorts of different ways-some yell and scream and throw things when their mad, some just sit and cry, and for the lucky few they exercise and do something extremely healthy to forget their problems. But nooooo I had to eat. And eat and eat and eat. And don't worry this isn't some story about a girl who has an eating disorder and weighs like 90 lbs or something. This is about me, the "emotional eater." Now I bet your silently wondering, "what is an emotional eater?" Well it's the kind of person that when something goes bad they eat. That's all that person does sometimes. It's extremely sad but for some reason my mind decided that was the way I was going to handle things. Real mature huh?

I wasn't always fat. Nope actually I used to be a scrawny little thing. You could pick me up and toss me out the window without ever getting winded. It all started in the seventh grade when I turned twelve. Yep I was going through puberty. What an awful word. I was growing (tiny) breasts, I started my period, and I got curves. And I also started noticing boys. Yep I wanted a boyfriend and I wanted one bad. My friends had one-so why couldn't I? I wasn't ugly, I was still kind of scrawny, but I was developing. Yep I was sure I was going to get a boyfriend. Unfortunately the one boy I had my eye on just happened to be my best friend's boyfriend. Oops. Bad idea. Please girls of you r reading this don't try and steal your best friends boyfriend, it's just not a good idea, especially at that age. So of course my friend found out and told her boyfriend. Then, being twelve and all, there was this whole two-week long period where we all tried to act like adults and pretend we had their problems. So lets look at this now, I'm twelve; going through puberty, discovering boys, and my best friend hates me. I swear at that point in my life I was dying. No wait a second, I was dead. So to top that all off my friends boyfriend, who I was madly in love with and ready to have children with, was forced to write a letter telling me how much he didn't want to go out with me. Now this kid was a really good friend of mine at the time and I was heart broken. I had no friends. They told me to get a new lunch table and I was forced to sit alone. I cried every day for the whole two weeks. So what did I do to stop the pain? I ate. It would start off as just an innocent after school, after I stopped crying snack. Nothing to big. The it started to escalate, as did my weight.

This lasted all year long until that summer when things were going great for me. I was losing weight, and I was having a good time with a whole set of new friends. But just like every time in my life, the good times moved out, and good old Mr. Pain stepped in.

A/n you like it so far? I swear to god it will get a whole hellva lot more angsty so please keep reading!! Btw I still need a beta reader if anyone is available.