Seven Days of the Big Bang

By Nayanya

Warning: If you have religious beliefs, you may be offended. If you don’t have religious beliefs, you may be offended. If you read this, you may be offended. If you like Science, you may be offended. If you believe in Evolution, you may be offended. If you believe in the Big Bang, you may be offended. If you believe in the Expanding Universe, guess what? That’s right, you may be offended.

I don’t know about you, but I have religious beliefs. Not just any religious beliefs, but ones that do NOT happen to agree with my science textbook. Am I alone? I don’t think so. I’m afraid that Science Classes these days make me sick. There’s really no other way of putting it.

In grade Nine, our teacher very carefully avoided controversy by never referring to the Big Bang Theory or the Theory of Evolution. He was a good teacher – in our astronomy unit, he made sure to stress the THEORY part of the name, and I had no problem with that. After all, I don’t mind learning what someone else believes. If everyone wouldn’t listen to someone else’s opinion, we’d have ignorance everywhere.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem true for any other grade. Where anyone can leave the room if the subject of Cancer is uncomfortable for them, we are expected to sit down and take it in that it is a FACT now that we all evolved from slime. Thank you, Ms. Teacher Lady. I really needed to know that.

I happen to like my religious beliefs. If I were to get up in the morning and think “There is no reason I am alive.” Then I really don’t know what I would do. I am sixteen years old; I don’t think we need to learn that hey, you’re not better than any of the slime on your shoes! You’re an accident! So are your parents! You’re all accidents, nobody wants you here! And hey, there is no meaning to life, we’re all accidents!

I don’t know about you, but Science makes me sick. Especially the theories that are now taken as facts. Yes, we evolve. I’m not saying we don’t. But that does NOT mean that the Big Bang and Expanding Universe theories are also true. There is no proof of either of them, and I would prefer we didn’t have to talk about it in school. Religion is supposed to be separate from public schools. So why is it that subjects which challenge our religious beliefs are necessary to graduate? Must we all be slaves to Science’s every whim? As important as it may be to study the human genetic makeup, is it really essential for us to learn some dead guy’s theory on why there is no meaning to life?

Furthermore, why is it that the very mention of the word ‘cancer’ can let fifteen people scurry for the exits? I understand that cancer is a difficult subject to speak about, especially if you have been subjected to it in any way. But I don’t think its fair that half the class can leave, some because they are actually very uncomfortable speaking about it, and the majority because they see it as an opportunity to get out of class. Those of us who are left in class learn a lot, and the rest don’t get the essay questions on the exam. It’s all right to not know about cancer – its not like it’s a serious problem in our society or something – but learning evolution, the big bang, and the expanding universe theory?

Well, naturally, that’s just Science.

I wonder, did the Big Bang create the universe in seven days? If the universe was compacted to the size of a walnut, what was it in? The Anti-Universe? And technically, since the word ‘universe’ means every existing thing, wouldn’t that include the anti-universe as well? The expanding Universe theory says that the universe is expanding. Well, what is it expanding in? How is it possible for EVERY EXISTING THING to be getting larger? Wouldn’t that mean that more things would have to be created? If that’s true, what happened to the conservation of mass laws that they drill into our heads? If you can’t make something out of nothing, the universe cannot be expanding into nothing. For the universe to be expanding, the nothing it is expanding into must be part of the universe. And then, the universe really isn’t expanding at all.

The Theory of Evolution pretty much just means that hey, after the walnut-sized universe didn’t really expand into the anti-universe (Which was really actually the NOTHING which existed INSIDE the existing universe, which was not expanding because of the conservation of mass law) earth cooled down a little, and slime started growing. After our slime came a whole lotta steps – amoeba, bacteria, algae, snails, frogs, chimpanzees, apes, and then us! Yes, us humans, masters of the planet, are only a few small steps ahead of our naked furry cousins, the apes. With all our brain power, our instant messaging, cell phones, and almighty science classes, we are no better than the apes, the chimps, the snails, the slime… isn’t that a wonderful way to start off your day? Hearing about how you, a sentient, intelligent, literate creature with an imagination and the power to decide when you want to have children – you have common ancestors with the plants in your back yard. I dislike this theory immensely. If we were all evolving, why is there still slime? Why didn’t we evolve into the same thing? And why is it that every single form of life on this planet is carbon-based and depends on oxygen to live? Why is it that we all need sugar to turn into energy? If the theory of evolution is correct, then the second the slime started to evolve, it would have found different ways to convert different things into the energy it needed. After all, some of the slime must have been hungry enough to eat acid.

And of course, my favourite. The Big Bang, closely followed by the Expanding Universe Theory. It’s a really bad Disney story, told by a narrator with a scratchy monotone voice. Work with me here… “Once upon a time, a long, long, long time ago… Millions of Billions of years, in fact, there was a walnut-sized universe. Then it exploded, expanding rapidly and creating everything you see around you. See Evolution for more details…” I have already discussed this a little. The UNIVERSE is referring to EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS. Everything. Not just THIS PART OF THE UNIVERSE. If you were going to refer to just a specific portion of the universe, name it. For example – lets call the known universe Gerald. For no reason other than the name popped into my head. So Gerald is all we know. There is nothing other than Gerald. But Gerald is in a swimming pool. Now, since the KNOWN universe is expanding… then technically, as soon as we realize that there is something outside of Gerald (the swimming pool), now the swimming pool is part of Gerald. Are you confused? That is because you are thinking of Gerald as a person. He’s not. A slightly better analogy would be learning how to swim. Now, when you’re little you stay in the shallow end.  You don’t even look at the deep end. Its not important, you can’t go there. As soon as you’re a good enough swimmer, you venture into deeper water. THE SWIMMING POOL, HOWEVER, DID NOT GET BIGGER. Your ability to swim has gotten better, so you can swim in the deeper water. That is the universe. We can see there’s more of it, so we say it’s getting bigger. But its NOT. We just see now that there is more of it. So the Expanding universe theory is bull. It makes no sense. The universe cannot be expanding, since what it would be expanding into is already a part of itself.

Perhaps I didn’t prove my point. This isn’t really an essay; after all, it’s a rant. But the facts remain the same – there are no facts. There is nothing here. Nothing at all. We don’t know the truth, so stop shoving your bullshit theories down my throat. I hate it, and I’m not learning anything that will help me later on in life. So don’t fucking waste my time you ignoramuses.