Act 1, Scene 1: Lori’s Monologue

[Curtain opens with a pretty girl in a preppy skirt and shirt named LORI CAGE standing C stage, a spotlight on her.]

LORI: I’m not a bad person. Really, I’m not. Sometimes people say I am or that I’m trying to convince myself that I’m not, but that’s not true. I really am a good person. (Pause. She then smiles) Well, now that that’s settled, let me introduce myself: My name is Lori Cage. I suppose you’ll all want to know a little bit about myself. I was born on July 2 in Markson Hospital. My family is very wealthy; my parents are both business executives for some company or another…they’re usually away on business, so I don’t see them often. They go to the Alps, the Bahamas - I think they’re in Italy now. I’m not exactly sure, though; I haven’t talked to them in quite awhile…come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time they were home…(sad pause, then with energy:) I have a brother. His name is Andrew. He’s away at college: Yale. He’s really smart. Number one in his class here at York Academy - that’s the school I go to now. Everyone really loved him here. (sadly) They still do, actually…(another pause) Anyway, I’ve accomplished a lot for myself, only being seventeen and all. Let’s see, as of now, I’m president of the student body, president of the National Honor Society, captain of the cheerleading squad, on the soccer team and the tennis team - varsity, of course - editor of the school newspaper, band captain, head of -

MIKE: (offstage R in a stage whisper) Pst! Lori!

LORI: Huh? (turns to the R)

MIKE: (stage whisper) You’re off topic!

LORI: Oh! Sorry, Mike! (turns back to the audience) Now, you all must be wondering what I’m really doing out here! Well, you see, my friends asked me if I’d come out and explain to everybody, well, our situation.

JAMES: (loudly from offstage L) Situation?

LORI: (annoyed) Yes, James, situation!

JAMES: (still offstage) What situation?

LORI: Well, you know…will you just let me finish my speech, James?!

JAMES: (still offstage) Fine, fine…

LORI: (becomes pleasant again) You see, ladies and gentleman, people often have misconceptions about us - my friends and me that is - because we’re, well, wealthy and popular. They think that we’re snotty and judgmental and I have you know that we’re not…well, most of us aren’t…2/5 of us aren’t. But, you know, the unpopular people are just the same way! I mean, they judge us as being stuck up without even knowing us! Though Veronica and Pete kind of are…the point is, well, just because we are popular and wealthy doesn’t mean we’re without our own problems. We have just as many problems as anyone else, though you all fail to realize this. Take me, for example. All I’m trying to do is fit in. But it’s kind of hard because of my boyfriend, Joe. You see, Joe’s not exactly part of my clique…at all. I’ve been going out with him for six months now and he still hasn’t been initiated in yet. It’s not the money issue, though - his father’s a doctor - he’s just…sort of, well…geeky. And I mean that in a sweet way, really, I do! He’s about the sweetest, smartest guy I know - not smarter than me, though - he just…comes off as a little nerdy and my friends…my friends just have high standards, that’s all. And it doesn’t help that James has been picking on him since seventh grade.

[JAME’S laughter can be heard backstage.]

LORI: They just want the best for me and…well, they think I can do better than Joe. And I probably could, I suppose. Not that I’d ever break up with Joe! I love Joe! (pause) Well, I guess that all I have to say for now…(starts walking L) But I just want you to know that I’m really not a bad person. Neither are my friends. Honest. We’ve just got our own problems, that’s all, just like anybody else. I hope you understand that. (exits L)