*Authors Note: I have heart palpitations, likely from stress
and anemia. This contrasts two different hearts and their different pains.
My heart no longer beats, but I'm still living... all internal pain gives
physical remorse; all my heart feels manifests itself in my body... eventually.
Eventual... eventual... eventual. Gradual...? Sudden. Sudden. Tempestuously;
inevitably; cowardly. ,.,.,.,.., .,.,., ., .,.,.,., It was; it was a coward. An
act of cowardice... blithe, rude, uncharitable... no doubt forgetful. Fool... to
forget. Forget. It was gauche, tactless, callow. Foreknown, but not foreseen.
For my life, I did not see it to know the pain. Pain to forget; I almost forgot
it. Must I remember to forget? I don't remember how I forgot... I hardly
remember forgetting... I just know that I did; I forgot my tears for one blessed
week, and now I remember them and here they come.
My heart, within my body, weakens, pummels, hurts. No one can convince me it is
only of physical consequence, that it is not the effect of a same but different
heart that weakens, pummels, hurts. All things spiritual, emotional, ethereal
find their way, some way, into the physical... eventually. Eventually...
eventual... eventu...all things come to an end, eventually... eventual, it is
eventual... even both hearts, whose pains are traded and shared and passed
between them both... it is eventual, and then, even then, one will eventually
give out for the pain, either one, and the other cannot help but follow.
Blessed emancipation, delivery of my soul to a place where no one, not you, not
even myself, can torture it.