Things have been doing much better recently.... I’m down to one friend, Amber, but that doesn’t bother me all that much. Actually, things haven’t changed much at all, just my outlook. I’ve come to accept myself.

My mother still gets drunk and rambles, but I can ignore her... she's not quite as annoying as before.I have no real interest in guys, since dating is just a big drama in high school.... I get lonely sometimes.

Amber’s just one person and she doesn’t even attend school anymore. I call her a lot though. My grades have been steadily dropping in school, so I’ll probably be retaking both English and history next year (joy)....

The one thing I feel I can safely say, is that I’m not really all that depressed anymore, so long as I don’t dwell on what’s bad in life. Last year, I would deliberately insult myself to tears- it was my own mental version of self mutilation since I could never bring myself to do more than some deep scratches on my arms.

I draw comics to distract myself and the comments that I get from those cheer me up each day- you could go so far as to say reviews and comments are the highlight of my life, but that would be more than a little sad.

Haven’t been writing enough though.... I dunno, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s like my ideas are all used up, or maybe just my way of putting things into words. I can see everything happening in my head, but I just can’t -write- it. Maybe my old hobby is slipping out of my grasp since I’ve been drawing so much- just moving out of the way for something new. I hope not, because I love my stories, no, my characters, more than anything.

My stories aren’t just stories to me. Each and every character has their own life story, even if I don’t actually put it into the story itself. I plan every little detail, down to the smallest fear and personality quirk... I can imagine their every reaction to any stimulation. They’re every bit alive to me as my family. That’s why I always say I never discontinue a story. Even if I completely lose any talent for writing, I’ll still continue, even if it takes me years to accomplish.

Wanna know something that’s kind of funny? I posted one comic page.... and when no one commented, it almost felt like my heart was breaking. That’s taking an obsession too far. When it means that much, it’s too much.

I really don’t have much of a life off of the computer. I realized that when I was grounded from it for a day (only ONE day, mind). I paced, I cried, I practically had a panic attack within an hour. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I ended up just going upstairs and taking an hour-long shower (I always take showers when I’m crying).

Yet, while all this is a bit messed up, I’m still better than before. Hell, until I actually began writing this down, it all just felt natural. My way of life.

Sleep, computer, eat, computer, shower, computer, sleep... oh, and school on week days. Sometimes, I go to Amber’s house on weekends too.

.... My sister has a baby now. His name is Zachary and I think he’s around ten months old now. I love him so much, even if he is a brat. He’ll have my practically groveling just to get a single smile and it’s all worth it. The most adorable half-asian baby you could ever see.

Well, that basically sums up my life at this time. I’ll just leave it at that, with a promise to spend a bit more time on my writing again, if I can spare it.