Author's Note: This was done as assignment. We had to create a Chinese fairytale for History class. This, luckily, is not mine. Well, I didn't hand it in, anyway. I offered to do the assignment for my friend, as long as I got a free reign. I love free reigns. This, my friends, is my masterpiece, with a few grammar corrections.

(And yes, she passed this in. Tee hee.)

~*~

Yan Yur wasn't happy with his life. His poor parents had forced him and his fourteen brothers to join the Chinese army, in order to support his eight sisters at home. While in Changan, the emperor requested an escort to accompany him on the Silk Road, and Yan Yur jumped at the chance. As soon as possible, he planned to escape and make his own living somewhere in the West.

After two weeks of traveling, however, Yan Yur's plans and dreams came to a sudden halt. Mei Chong, the most beautiful of the emperor's seven daughters, had finally taken off her numerous veils and scarves. Yan Yur fell in love the moment he saw her, and although he didn't know it, Mei Chong thought he was the most handsome soldier there.

Of all the forbidden loves, this seemed the one most likely to end in disaster. Yan Yur and Mei Chong managed to meet secretly at noon, when the soldiers and travelers slept. Even the gods in the heavens laughed at the absurd pair, and the earth laughed while Yan Yur and Mei Chong exchanged whispers of love.

Nearly a month had passed, and Yan Yur felt like the world was his burrito. He knew he could never compare to the princes and lords that would be offered to Mei Chong, but he decided to ask for her hand anyway. He had one precious item that the rest didn't: his undying love for Mei Chong.

He walked to the wagons where the emperor laid among silk pillows and blankets. The emporer was an old man: three feet of white hair and a wrinkled face. He was poking a pickled bat, oblivious to the young soldier before him.

"Your Highness," Yan Yur said boldly, "I have come to ask for Princess Mei Chong's hand in marraige"

The emperor dropped his pickled bat in shock. Was this young soldier mad? He was a common soldier! No soldier would marry Mei Chong, the emperor's flavor of the week. He cleared his throat, and wondered how to put this gently.

"Soldier, you were once a parasite on Pan Ku's back, you smell like a parasite on Pan Ku's back, and termites have more wealth and power than you. Get out of my wagon."

"Your Highness, I offer my undying love to Mei Chong! I would walk through fire for her, even kill a dragon just for a moment with her! Please give me a chance, Your Highness!"

The emperor looked down on him in disgust. Then a lightbulb clicked in his wrinkled brain.

"If love is what you offer, and will go at all lengths to prove it, I will give you a chance. I will bequeath to you the Three Tasks of...of...The Three Tasks of the Red Cricket."

"The Three Tasks of the Red Chricket?" Yan Yur questioned, "What are they?"

"Hush!" said the emperor sharply, "You must perform three tasks, and then you may marry my daughter"

"Oh" said Yan Yur dumbly, "What's the first task?"

"You must...wrestle a tiger" said the emperor.

"Fine then," said Yan Yur, "I will wrestle the strongest tiger in the land!"

One week later, a rabid tiger had attacked the caravan. While the emperor hitched up his robes and fleed for his life, Yan Yur stayed and wrestled the tiger to the ground. He stabbed out it's heart and showed it to the emperor as proof.

"Well done" the emperor said half-heartedly, "I will tell you the next task."

"Thank you, Your Highness" said Yan Yur, bowing deeply.

"For the second task, you must...you must...throw a spear from one end of the caravan to the other." said the emperor, with no other brilliant plan in mind. Yan Yur bowed again, and left the wagon.

'Throw a spear the length of the caravan!' he thought grimly, 'I reckon it's impossible. Maybe I should give up.' He sighed and walked slowly back to the caravan. Nodding to a tall man on a white mare, he tried to imagine how Mei Chong would react when she found out he couldn't complete the task.

The suddenly he was hit with a sudden wave of understanding. He quickly looked back at the man on the white mare. The man smiled, and Yan Yur ran up to him.

"Will you help me, Zhang Guo Lao?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course" Zhang Guo Lao said with a wink.

The next morning, the travelers gathered around Yan Yur, who had just done the impossible, and thrown a spear the entire length of the caravan. Of course, not one of them knew that Zhang Guo Lao had turned himself invisible and simply carrier the spear, but it didn't matter. Yan Yur walked back to the emperor's wagon with confindence.

"Ah yes, the third task" the emperor said nervously, his upper lip beginning to sweat, "It's...uh..."

"I'm ready for it, Your Highness" Yan Yur said proudly.

"Uh..it's...er..."

"Life or death, I will prove my undying love" Yan Yur continued.

Life or death...

"Your final task," the emperor said, his eyes chipped with mischief, "Is to finish this life!"

"Sir?"

"You must conquer death, Yan Yur. Once you conquer it, you may have Mei Chong."

"But Your Highness...!"

"The emperor has spoken!" he boomed, regaining his confidence, "Leave me!"

Yan Yur and Mei Chong sat together in a wagon carrying numerous rolls of silk. Mei Chong wept openly into Yan Yur's sweaty, manly, muscular chest. He clenched his manly jaw, and mixed his manly, heart-throbbing features into a look of manly courage and bravery. They, unfortunatly, could find no way out of their predicament. Not even with Yan Yur's manly intelligence.

"I will simply have to die," said Yan Yur sadly, holding the frail and slim Mei Chong in his strong, manly arms. "I could not stand this life without you, anyway."

"Oh, Yan Yur!" Mei Chong wept, her bright black eyes filled with emotion. Her breath came out in little pants, and her head of shiny black hair rose and fell with Yan Yur's manly chest.

"Life is like a box of chocolates," sighed Yan Yur, his deep, manly, melodious voice tinged with melancholy, "You never know what you're going to get." He tipped back Mei Chong's delicate chin, and looked deeply into her eyes.

"I will always love you!" she cried.

"And I will always love you, until Baghdad is in ruin" he moaned. Then they kissed, the gods wept, realizing how stupid they had been for keeping the beautiful, lovely Mei Chong from the dashing, manly Yan Yur.

The next morning, the travelers found Yan Yur dead, a spear in his heart. Ironically, this was the very spear that had won him the second task.

All of heaven, earth, and everything in between wept for Yan Yur. Mei Chong was all set to kill herself also, if the emperor hadn't demanded that she be tied down to a wagon and force-fed peach pits. In between each pit, Mei Chong cried out to the gods to stop this torture, and bring back her beloved Yan Yur.

The emperor was seriously pissed off by all the attention Yan Yur's death had created. He was a common soldier, so what was all the fuss about? Suddenly, Zhang Guo Lao stood before him, holding a wallet and looking very mad. He said nothing, but siezed the pickled bats that the emperor treasured so much, and popped them into his mouth. Then he disappeared.

Zhong Li Quan, chief of the immortals, understood why everyone was so sad over Yan Yur's death. He, like the rest, wanted to change. Luckily, he had the one item that could bring him back. Zhong Li Quan took out his whisk fan, and hailed a taxi down to earth.

When Zhong Li Quan found Yan Yur's body, he had to chase away all the vultures swarming around. He impatiently waved the whisk fan over Yan Yur, and tapped his foot hurriedly, waiting for him to wake up. After a few minutes, Yan Yur jumped to his feet, and excitedly yelled,

"Hurrah! I can marry the Mei Chong now!"

When the caravan reached Baghdad, they celebrated the marraige of Yan Yur and Mei Chong. Of course, they lived happily ever after, Mei Chong massaging Yan Yur's manly chest twice daily, and Yan Yur putting an ointment made of rhubarb on Mei Chong's chronic rash for the rest of their lives.

La fin.