I stay closed inside
Hidden away
Secret from the reality
I do not want to be seen
But my feelings are visible
And I cannot hold them in
Yet when I see the smile
And I think of what it means
I am confused
I am scared
And I do not know what to do
I could ask for help
But I do not want help
I could ask for answers
But I want to find my own way
I am lost
I am cold
I feel my emotion slipping away
Into the void of nonsense
So I do not have to hurt
So I will not have to hurt
Even though I will lose joy
Everything is a blur
I try to see life
And understand it wrong
While I want to live and breathe
My heart is slowly leaving
Slowing down from the loneliness
Even though happiness could be near
I will not believe
I shall not believe
I cannot believe
But I will not cry
For sorrow or help
Or for one day joy
I will not cry
By then I will have nothing left

Holly Johnson
27/6/03