THE ADVENTURES OF GREG AND BERTHA

By: Irish Guy

“Gold! I dun’ struck gold!” exclaimed Greg.

“Uh, that’s not gold…it’s copper. Not only is it copper though, it’s a penny.” Said Ryan, killing Greg’s mood.

“Why would anyone bury a penny 20 feet deep?” asked Greg, standing in a 20-foot deep hole that he dug out with a stick. But this was no ordinary stick, this was a four-foot tall stick named ‘Bertha’.

“I don’t know,” replied Ryan, “why would you dig a 20-foot deep hole?”

“To strike oil.” Said Greg with confidence.

“We’re in Nevada; there is no oil out here!”

“Oh yeah? Then what’s this?”

“That penny you found.”

“Oh yeah…hey, uh, how do I get out of here?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you try digging your way out?” answered Ryan sarcastically.

“Great idea!”

Ryan just looks at him, no, STARES at him, then decides to go find a rope to pull Greg out with.

***

30 feet deeper and 10 minutes later…

“Hmmm, I don’t think this is gonna work. Well, maybe a little more.”

***

Somewhere nearby, in a some kind of rope selling store…

“Uh, how long and tough are your ropes?” Asked Ryan.

“Well that depends on what kind of rope you want,” said the man-who-runs-the-store, “we got the thin ones with the nice patterns, they can’t hold much, but they’re just so CUTE! Then there’s the generic brown ones you see in pirate movies, there big, thick I mean, and I got one that runs 100 feet long.”

“Um…I’ll take the second one.”

***

As Ryan runs over to where Greg’s hole is he sees a hole…I mean, a pit. A really dark pit.

“Hey Greg!” yelled Ryan

“Hey, uh, your plan isn’t working yet. But I think if I go a little bit deeper…”

“NO! Look, I got a rope. I’m dropping it in now.”

“…”

“…”

“Hey, uh, enough stalling, drop it in already.”

“I did.”

“How long is it?”

“100 feet.”

“Oh…um, yeah, I dug faster than usual, this is about 200 feet deep.”

“What?! Oh MOTHER F…”

“Oh yeah, um, what do I do for a bathroom?”

***

Back at the rope selling store…

“A 300 hundred foot long rope? I don’t know, sounds kind of dangerous.” Said the man-who-runs-the-store. “Ropes of that length have to be custom made. VERY rare.”

“It’s a piece of rope.”

“A 300-foot long rope,” corrected the man-who-runs-the-store, “have respect for my business or take yours elsewhere.”

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry. How long will it take?”

“Three to four weeks.”

*Sigh*

***

“Dig a hole, dig a hole dig a…”

“HEEEEEEY.”

“Ryan?”

“Yeah.”

“You owe me ten bucks! You bet 10 dollars that ‘Bertha’ and I couldn’t dig a 600 foot deep hole, bet you feel stupid now huh?”

“600 feet?!! JESUS CHRIST! How STUPID COULD YOU BE YOU FREAKIN’…”

“Oil! I dun’ struck oil! Bwahahahahahaha. You said I couldn’t do that either and now I’m gonna be…*sniff sniff* oh wait, it’s so dark in here my piss looked like it was black…oh well.”

“STOP DIGGING YOU MORRON! *Sigh* well, I guess I’ll just get a longer rope and a harness.

***

Back at the store…again.

“That’s right. 800 feet and a harness.” Clarified Ryan.

“It can’t be done,” denied the man-who-runs-the-store, “besides, why do you need such long ropes all the time?”

“Oh, my friend is stuck in a pit he dug with a stick named ‘Bertha’.”

“An eight-hundred foot deep hole?”

“Yeah…”

“Why don’t you call the fire department?”

“Uh, good point…BYE!”

***

“HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY KID!” yelled a fireman.

……………………

“Sorry man, I think he’s dead…oh well, good luck to you then.”

“Huh? But I…aw hell.  *Sigh* well, I guess a moment of silence is in order.”

…

“I’ll see you later Greg. *Sniff*

***

*Dig, scratch, shuffle, crack*

“Hey, where am I? Hey…that’s one long wall…and why do all these people have small eyes?

The End