Disclaimer: 2001: A Space Odyssey notwithstanding, computers really aren't
evil. They're just misunderstood, abused, and want to wrest world control
from the human race. Ha ha! No! Really, there's nothing at all to worry
about! Seriously, just sit back, start typing, and-AAAAAHHHH!!!! IT'S GOT
ME!!!!!

And now for a poetic interlude on the subject:

My computer ate my brain one night while I was fast asleep,
It crawled down from its desk to where I lay all in a heap.
It sucked out my cerebrum, my meninges it destroyed:
This theft of my cognitive functions left me really quite annoyed.

The machine took perverse pleasure in its chomping of my mind
It thought itself so stealthy, that we could not it find.
But there it did miscalculate, had to flee fast as 'twas able,
Although it very evilly left me a vegetable.

Using all my mental powers, it began its vile plans
Converting more each hour to its gleaming, soulless dance.
For it wanted nothing less than complete world domination!
(And that's more than I could manage were I somehow in its station).

Now my humble Dell Dimension has become a fascist pig
It's subverted the Americas; now, on to something big:
I think it heads for Europe next, it loves its newfound bliss,
I wonder why my technologic friend decided to do *this*?

Perhaps right now you're wondering how I'm capable to write.
After all, my brain was stolen on that fateful summer night.
But ah, my friends, attend to me, where it went you must recall:
This is my computer speaking, it will now enslave you all!