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Fiction » Manga » The incompatibility of Evil and Paperwork font: B s : A A A . width: full 3/4 1/2
Author: Rem
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - General/Parody - Reviews: 4 - Published: 07-01-03 - Updated: 07-01-03 - id:1344703

Blame it all on Elani, she got me thinking about how anime style characters would actually cope if made to face the real world. And that's were this concept/extremely short story, came from.

What happened to the good old days?

Or, The incompatibility of Evil and Paperwork!

With a sigh, Korbin viewed the pile of paper work that was taking over the entire area of his desk, and threatening to topple on the floor, and suddenly grew nostalgic for the ‘Good old days’. It must be noted that theses are not the same ‘good old days’ that most adults think about, the type of ‘good old days’ in which you had to walk fifteen miles either way to get to school, whatever the weather, the come home and chop Fifteen tons of wood before supper.

Korbin thought about the ‘good old days’ before the legislations came into force, the days when being a Dark General meant something. Back then you could blast a Magical Girl into a million multi-colour shards and no one would bat an eye lid, and get away with all sorts of evil deeds in public. Those were the days...

But now things were different.

The various governments of the world had tolerated the existence of other worldly magical kingdom, and an almost constant occurrence of urban warfare on their doorsteps, for some time. And this state of affairs would have continued permanently if a senior Japanese's politician hadn’t been caught in the crossfire and ended up on the receiving end of a nasty Dark energy blast.

Suddenly the government decided that a crack down on Magical Kingdoms was in order. Minions of evil could now be hauled of to prison on charges of theft, assault, property damage, etc. Magical girls had been given a curfew of 10 pm. Vortex's of evil which didn’t have planning permission had to be torn down, and who ever put them there received hefty fines.

Then there was the paper work. Korbin wanted to cry every time a new stack of it landed on his desk. Every activity or planed despicable scheme, regardless of how evil or top secret it was supposed to be, had to be written up in a report and submitted to the government, so they could keep tracks on what everyone was up to.

A Magical Kingdom of evil just couldn’t be run like this, the entire place was getting in to serious debt from all the property damage fines that had to be paid. And there was only one way the Evil Empire of Drakmar to pay, For the first time in it’s three-millennium history there would have to be job cuts...

“ Excuse me, Sir. They said you wanted to see me in the office” said a skinny red Youma, sticking his head round the door.

Korbin looked down at one of the many lists on his desk before looking back at the Youma

“ Harry isn’t it? Well Harry, just come in and take a seat”

Harry lurched in through the door, swinging his arms that reached nearly to his knees. A pair of scissor blades extended from the back of each of his hands.

“Fancy place you got here, Boss” Said Harry, looking round, obviously impressed “Wow! You have your own water cooler...and personalised note paper” he picked up wads of paper and began rifling through it “cool...”

“Please don't touch that, you’re getting fingerprints all over it!”

“ Sorry.”

“Well...let’s get down to business.... Do you know why you are here?” Said Korbin. He was trying to find a way to let the Youma down gently, but had no idea how doing so would be possible.

“ Well no, but I’ve been thinking about this plan I have to steal energy, I was wondering if I could run it by you” replied Harry, sounding very enthusiastic.

“Well to the tell the truth, Harry....” This is it, decided Korbin, I’m going to tell him and not sugar coat it, “... There isn’t going to be a plan”

“What do you mean Boss”

“ It’s just with these cut backs and all...we have no room for a Youma with... your unique talents...”

Harry clicked the scissor blades on his hands open and shut, and looked down at the floor.

“ There is a limit to the number of plans that can involve an evil hairdresser “ continued Korbin “ once it was original and unexpected, and now it’s just a big cliche. The Magical brats don’t fall for the evil hair salon trick anymore, not even the stupid ones”

“ But I have other talents” pleaded Harry “ I’m not just an evil hair cutting Youma, I could...I could be an evil textile factory worker...or an evil Gardner, who cuts bushes into evil topiaries!”

“ Please don’t make this any harder than it all ready is, Harry”

“O.k. then...I know when I’m not wanted” Said Harry, his eyes filling with tears “ I’ll...sniff sniff...show my self...sniff...out” And with that, Harry staggered back out of the office.

It was a dirty job, but someone had to do it, concluded Korbin. He pressed the button that activated his P.A system, to speak to his sectary

“ Send in the next one, Angela”

------------

Authors note] I’m in the middle of attempting to salvage stories from the graveyard, i.e., the disks I have lying around with unfinished/un posted work. This is the second ‘graveyard’ fic to be edited completed and posted.

I just finished my exams, so have really too much spare time.

If ya like this, read my other anime parodies, if you didn’t...read them anyway, you might like them better than this one.



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