Nick Hahn, Jay Pierce, and Alvin Marks sat in three hard wooden chairs across from an ornate solid oak desk. The room they were in, Zaroff's office, was lit only by a stream of sunlight pouring in through a large window on one end of the room overlooking a balcony. The office was decorated in nature themes, exotic potted plants were placed tastefully around the leather furniture, large game heads hung from every wall, and the floor was taken up by an immense zebra skin pattern, a white bear rug was laid underneath the three chairs. After waiting in silence for nearly half an hour, Ivan Zaroff strode into the room shadowed by two heavily armed guards. He took his seat at the desk and stared at each of the three men before him in turn. At length, he spoke to none of them in particular.

"Do you have any idea of how close I came to being arrested today?"

"I'd imagine pretty close, sir," Nick spoke up, realizing too late that it was a mistake.

"Pretty close? A very good estimate, you fool. If it wasn't for several favors that the chief of police owes me, I would be sitting in a nine by nine cell surrounded by the vilest ruffians society can afford. Look at me, gentlemen. Do I appear a ruffian to you?"

The heads shook no.

"I can assure you all that I am a man of culture, of taste, of refinement. I should not have to waste my time tracking down three of my men who very nearly had me discovered. Now what do you three have to say in your defense?"

"Let me just say that I know these two men very well Mr. Zaroff, sir," Alvin began in a very rapid and nervous voice, "And they are two of the most trustworthy men I've ever met! I know that they would never intentionally put you in harm's way, sir! They served their previous boss with unfailing duty, loyalty, and service! When you said that you needed more men, these two popped into my mind because they're the best I know, sir, and I knew that, once they'd become accustomed to your policy, they'd serve you to the best of their ability."

"Are you done, Mr. Marks?"

"Yes sir, Mr. Zaroff, sir."

"You two, what do you have to say for yourselves?"

"In our defense sir," Nick began, "You never did tell us your rules for this line of work. You just popped us out there with our first mission without bothering to see how your rules differed from Mr. Rainsford, our previous boss. So I've just got to ask how you expected us to fulfill your expectations when you never explained what you expected from us."

"And I've got to agree with my partner on this one, sir. We did our job just as we would have done it for Mr. Rainsford because you never specified that there were differences between him and yourself."

"I also have to agree with my two associates," Alvin began to say something before icy looks from the other five men in the room cut him short. "Sorry, please continue."

"Regardless of what I may or may not have told you, I expected you to know what I expect. I'm legendary in this city, all hitmen know of how I run my business, and even if they do not work for me, they know what I expect my men to do. You did not ask if there were any differences between Mr. Rainsford and myself, you did not ask Mr. Marks, you did not ask others that you met in my estate during your visit this morning, it seems to me that you missed several dozen opportunities, and that fault is none of my own."

"And so you're just going to punish us because nobody told them that your rules are different?" Alvin burst out of his chair in frustration, finding two large assault rifles suddenly pointed in his direction. He sat down meekly.

"With all due respect sir, you also had the opportunity to notify us of your rules. And who would better understand them than yourself?" Jay sat on the edge of his chair, clearly anticipating an upcoming debate.

"Nobody, of course."

"Correct. And so we had the opportunity to hear what the master said, and he neglected to tell us what we should have known. Therefore, the fault shouldn't be placed solely on any party contained within this room."

"I do recall asking you if you two had any questions, and you refrained from asking if there were any notable differences between my style of work and your previous bosses."

"However, you also admitted to not even hearing of our previous boss until this morning. As such, we wouldn't ask you difference between your operations and his because you would be woefully ignorant of how he accomplished his gains."

"And as such, I would have asked you to explain how you carried out your operations."

"You had already highlighted that you also expected your hitmen to be bodyguards. We told you that we were unfamiliar with that line of work. Wouldn't that prompt you into wondering how else our methods differed?"

"Wouldn't it prompt you into wondering that same thing?"

"Good point, sir."

"Questions, gentlemen. It's the question that drives us mad. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question just as I did."

"What is the Matrix?"

"The answer is out there, Mr. Hahn. It's looking for you. And it will find you, if you want it to."

"Hey, I know that movie!" Alvin smiled briefly before more icy looks headed his way.

"That was my favorite scene, sir."

"Mine as well."

Jay leaned over to his partner and whispered "You quote movies, too?"

"You don't?" Nick resumed his conversation with Mr. Zaroff eagerly. "Sir, it seems that we've already got the basis of an understanding, and I understand that we're a lot alike. We both like The Matrix, we both get annoyed with Mr. Marks here, and we've both won intellectual debates with Mr. Pierce this morning," Jay shot a dirty look at his partner as he said this. "And so, if we're so alike, then that must mean that we have similar patterns of thought. Now, tell me honestly, if we were to switch positions, would you yourself ask the questions that neither of us did this morning?"

"I would have to say I wouldn't. However, I have no clues as to how Mr. Pierce thinks. Couldn't just as well have asked the questions that would have prevented this unfortunate meeting?"

"Yeah, he could've, I'll give you that. Why the Hell didn't you, man?"

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I'm the quirky goofy guy that always comes through in the end, and you're the serious brooding pseudo-intellectual who talks us through all the boring parts. You obviously failed in your responsibility, buddy."

"Excuse me, don't put the blame on me!"

"Then who should I put it on?"

"Alvin."

"Why? He didn't fail at his job."

"Yeah, but he's here."

"Okay, good enough for me. Alvin, you screwed up, buddy."

"Excuse me? I cannot believe this! Mr. Zaroff, are you listening to this? Blaming me, how could you turn around and stab me in the back like that? I got you two this job, you ungrateful, conniving ingrates!"

"Are you quite through with your rant, Mr. Marks?" Mr. Zaroff regarded Alvin contemptibly. "Regardless of whom we blame, gentlemen, it appears to me that though the blame does not involve more than one party, it most certainly involves more than one person."

"So you're saying that it's everyone's fault, except for you?" Jay looked at Zaroff in frustration.

"That's not what I'm implying at all, Mr. Pierce. I merely said that regardless of where the blame falls, one person is not alone in taking the blame."

"So it's quite possible that all four of us are to blame?"

"That's one possibility, yes."

"And another possibility is that Alvin is mostly to blame, with a little bit of blame falling on your head?"

"Or your heads, gentlemen, as the case may be."

"I fail to see how this is any fault of mine!" Alvin roared and stood up from his seat, but before the guards could aim their guns Mr. Zaroff stood up and shouted "Sit down, Mr. Marks!" The raw fury in his voice sent Alvin quickly scurrying back to his seat, trembling in fear.

"Mr. Marks, your incessant whining has led me to believe that you carry a large degree of the blame simply out of spite! You do not want to jeopardize your already precarious living arrangements!"

"But sir-"

"Enough! Do you do anything aside from whining about your current position?"

"I daresay he doesn't, sir," Nick replied absentmindedly.

"Mr. Marks, has anyone ever told you that you make the world a worse place to live?"

"Actually, yeah, I told him that while we were driving over here," Nick raised his hand proudly.

"Oh you did, did you?"

"He did indeed, sir," Jay vouched for his companion.

"Are they telling me the truth?" Mr. Zaroff turned and addressed Alvin.

"Yes, they are," Alvin replied sheepishly.

"Then it's clear that you need to stop being such a terrible drain to every other living thing on this planet. And as for you two," Mr. Zaroff suddenly turned his full attention to Mr. Hahn and Mr. Pierce, "How do you two plan to justify yourselves?"

"Well sir, it goes like this," Nick was ready to defend himself and his partner, nearly leaping out of his seat at the opportunity, "When I was ten there was this cat that my neighbors had. I had to go over to their house every day during the summer because both of my parents worked, and I was allergic to cats. Anyways, this cat would send me into teary-eyed, wheezing, sneezing, coughing, gasping fits. I hated the bastard, to tell you the truth! Anyways, one day I got this bright idea to shave the cat. Bald kitty means no more cat hair to get allergic reactions from, right? So I take the razor of the lady that watched over me, not very well I might add, and I proceeded to shave that cat bald. I had it covered in shaving cream and everything. I even wiped off the last few bits of hair clinging to the cat with the lady's toothbrush.

"Anyways, the cat was bald and didn't look much like a cat at all, but I figured I could play with it. So I take it outside, and the first thing it does is run away from me! Can you believe that? So I go out looking for it, and I can't find it by the time I have to go home, so I give it up for lost. The next day, I heard local news reports that this farmer saw this weirs animal in one of his trees, and so he shot it, thinking it might be harmful. As it turns out, it was that cat, shaven and pumped full of lead! I felt bad, so when my neighbor tried to bury her shaven cat, I dug it back up later and tried to glue all of its hair back on with green glue. She caught me in the act, and just sort of stared at me, horrified. I told her that I felt sorry I shaved the cat bald, so I was gluing its fur back on so it would be warm. I also told her I was using green glue so it would look magical. I never told that story to anybody, except you guys of course."

Four heads turned and stared at Nick in disbelief. Jay sighed in exasperation and simply looked down into his lap.

"Son," Mr. Zaroff began without knowing where to start, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

Nick thought hard for a minute before casually reciting "Reverse psychology's failing miserably, it's so hard to be left all alone. Telling you is the only chance for me, there's nothing left but to turn and face you."

"I like that song, too."

"My favorite, sir."

"However, that still doesn't explain why you dug up a dead cat and glued its fur back onto it with green glue where the cat's owner could find you doing that."

"Well sir, I guess I just wanted to see what would happen."

Mr. Zaroff smiled knowingly and nodded. "Gentlemen, I'm in a very lenient mood today, plus I like you two. So I'm going to offer you a deal. You can walk out of here and continue working for me, and in return I'll make sure that you're briefed on how we run our operations here. After all, no real harm was done here today, no reason that we can't put this behind us. What do you say?"

"On behalf of Mr. Hahn, I'd say we accept!" Jay rose out of his seat and extended his hand towards Mr. Zaroff, who shook it vigorously. He shook Nick's hand just as firmly, and pretended not to notice Alvin's outstretched hand.

"Well then gentlemen, follow me, and I'll escort you to a shuttle to bring you back to your car." Mr. Zaroff led Mr. Hahn and Mr. Pierce towards the exit of the room when Alvin coughed loudly.

"Excuse me, Mr. Zaroff? What about me?"

"That's true, I'd completely forgotten about you and your incessant whining. Gentlemen, we haven't punished anybody yet, have we? You two, fire at will," Zaroff said absentmindedly, gesturing from the armed guards to Alvin. He briefly put up his hands in protest and tried to scream before several bullets lodged themselves deeply in his head and chest. He slumped backwards in his chair lifeless.

"Well, this certainly has been an interesting day," Zaroff casually pointed out. "Say, Mr. Hahn, would you like to help me throw this body over the balcony?"

"Now that you mention it, I would like to know what happens when you do that. Could we hit anyone with the body?"

"If we're lucky, then most assuredly!"

With a surprising joviality, Nick and Zaroff hoisted Alvin's body up and walked it over to the balcony, quietly throwing it over the railing and onto a bikini-clad woman lounging on a beach chair by a sparkling pool. Nick and Zaroff slapped each other a high five in triumph, and headed back into the recesses of Zaroff's estate.

Two hours later, a slightly tipsy Nick and Jay were deposited back outside Ma's Griddle by their car. They waved goodbye to their driver and leaned on the doors of their Corvette, looking up at the sky.

"So we're still alive, buddy!" Nick smiled at Jay, who returned the smile.

"Who'd have thought we could pull that one off?"

"I knew it all along. Remember, I'm the funny, quirky guy who always comes out on top in the end, and you're the serious intellectual who's there to get us through the boring parts."

"If I wasn't so relieved to be alive, I'd probably kill you right now. As it stands, I just have one question for you."

"A question? Ask away, my good man!"

"You said you were always waiting for the right time to ask for forgiveness for swearing at God. Well, you just cheated death today, fairly narrowly I might add. So is today that time?"

"Sure, I can give it a try. Here goes nothing," Nick looked once more towards the vast blue expanse above him. "God, if you're still there, I'd like to apologize for- Well, for insinuating that you-"

"You didn't insinuate anything, you told him right out what you thought he did! Be honest, he knows when you've been bad and good, so be good for goodness' sake!"

"That's not God, that's Santa Claus! And besides, this is my little moment, let me experience it!"

"Right, my mistake. Please continue on."

"Right. Well God, I'm sorry for saying that you engaged in sexual relations with your mother, which I knew full well that you didn't even have. Unless this is really Jesus I'm speaking to, in which case you can disregard that last comment. So, anyways, forgiveness would be cool. Otherwise, I guess I'll catch you at Armageddon."

"There, now don't you feel better?"

"I feel hungry, that's for sure."

"Well, we could pop back into Ma's Griddle."

"After what I did to Laura this morning? No way. Plus, I'm slightly buzzed now, I don't even want to know what could come out of my mouth."

"Alright then, what do you want to do?"

"I can't think of anything."

"Well, say something."

"Turn your ugly face, are you so surprised to see me? Yeah, I was your little childhood playground toy."

"Are you quoting lyrics again?"

"Yes I am!"

"You really need to stop that sometime."

"You really need to start it sometime."

"So you realize that we still have Zaroff's twelve million dollars in our car?"

"I'm sure he can wait until tomorrow. After all, he never even brought the topic up today."

"Right. Get in the car."

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know, we'll just drive until we feel like stopping."

"Sounds good with me."

Nick and Jay climbed in their car and headed down the road oblivious to any preset destination. For a few uncomfortable seconds, they were silent. And then, "So did I ever tell you about the time I tried to give my goldfish a bubble bath and-"