Title: Please Don't Ignore Me

Author: Ayakaishi Fei aka. FireDemon

E-mail: Ken_Dai_

Rating: PG13

Category: Original Manga. POV. Drama-ish, Possible Romance? Humour.

Warnings: Shounen-ai. Shoujo ai. General scariness.

Summary: 'I hide behind a mask of lies and glittering fabrications. I hide behind a smirk and a scantily clad body. I hide who I am, because I fear that I'm still who I was. My name is Sarah Robinson. Call me that and I'll kill you, I go by Sedra Wilder now.'

For Krystle, because she is the other half of my soul, more than a friend, a lover or a sister. You mean so much to me girl. You are the Lee to my Sedra (literally) without the sex. I love you always.

One: I Even Freak Myself Out.

My back aches, my legs ache, I'm completely thrashed out, and I'm trying to pretend that I'm fan-bloody-tastic. My so-called friends are discussing the assignment we've just been given.

I like my friends, really I do, I just, I wonder sometimes what the fuck someone like me is doing with a group of people like them, you know?

I'm not surprised when Indie is the first to speak, "I can't believe we have to write about *ourselves* I mean, can you imagine anything more boring?"

Indigo, like the rest of my friends, has a bloody interesting background, but not many people are willing to look past the fact that she's a right bitch.

Me? I know there's more to everyone than what's on the surface, and unlike Sano and Aya, I'm not scared of what I'll find.

Indie's not exactly ugly, her hair's a fluffy mouse-brown colour that could do with some highlights, but her figure's fairly good, and she has the most gorgeous lavender eyes. Yes, I've slept with her, she was unsure about her sexuality and I felt it was my place to help her out.

Not much really came of it. We're not close friends, and we never will be, but the girl's a fairly decent fuck, 6 or 7 out of 10. Inventive, but nothing on Lee... Which gives me an idea. I smile vapidly, trying to put across the illusion I like the others to believe,

"Mm," I run a hand along my body, "I'm going to write about myself from Lee- chan's perspective. How's this for an opening: Sedra is hot. She's got it all, brains, charm and sex appeal. I secretly want to tie her to my bed and ravish her. I think about it every time she walks into the room and smirks that fucking gorgeous smirk of hers. I saw her naked once-"

"I think not." Lee's voice is stony, but I can see amusement in her glittering green eyes. I can tell she's not really mad at me, her whole face changes when she is, like it's made of rock, and her eyes empty of emotion.

"But Lee-chan, you know it was the truth!" I object, trying to play my part to perfection. I know how far I can push her, and I never misjudge. Lee, predictably ignores me. She knows when I'm serious too.

I've known Lee for a long time. Since I was about 13 or 14, and she knows me better than anyone else, knows things about me I wouldn't dare tell anyone else. And I can say the same about her.

She's a bit of a loner, she doesn't like people, she's dissociated from her family, and she doesn't have any real friends other than me.

I guess sometimes I wish I could change that, but then other times, I realise we're a lot more alike than we think.

I can hear my group laughing at my comment, none of them know about my relationship with my blond-haired best friend, and to tell the truth I'm glad. It's none of their god-damned business anyway. We're not really keeping it a secret, but I don't think Lee needs the ridicule that dating slutty Sedra will gain her.

She's better than the rest of the people I fuck - different somehow.

She may have started off as a number - a picture - someone I wanted to write down in my little black book, but she became a favourite. And she did so effortlessly.

I love and hate that about her. She became more than a sexual object, because she refused to have sex with me.

And when I had her for the first time, she was the only one who ever managed to compare to Kaiyu - my first lover.

She made me feel loved - she was my first lover since Kaiyu who actually loved me at all. And knowing that it was more than just sex made the sex fucking fantastic.

I'm drawn out of my contemplation by Shannon.

"Okay, I have my first line!"

"Do share," Katren. Katren's homophobic, doesn't like to be hit on by girls, is confused about her own sexuality but isn't ready to pursue it. She doesn't like me because I'm a very sexual person, and I like everyone. Male and female, as long as they're attractive.

"Okay: Before I really get into this essay, let's get something straight: I'm not."

Shannon is... probably one of my favourite people. I love him to death, and if he had any heterosexual feelings towards anyone I would have jumped him years ago. He's completely adorable and about as gay as they come.

He's pretty, blond haired, brown eyed, pretty much your average pretty-boy. He's not incredibly good looking, but he's definitely not ugly. He has about 5 or 6 streaks of purple in his hair, but it looks strangely good on him.

I admire him, and he's one of the few people I'll ever say that about, because he is willing to be second best, second choice, anything, to be with the guy he's in love with. I guess that's how I picture true love, because even though I couldn't bear to be second choice, my brother and my best friend have both shown me how powerful that kind of love can be.

I guess I decided, even before we started brainstorming that this wasn't going to be a lie, because you see, I never lie - I just don't tell the truth. I never tell the truth unless it's so outlandish that no one would believe it anyway.

Perhaps that sounds weird to you, but it's always worked for me. My friends know the truth about where I live and what I do for a living, but if they don't believe me then that's their problem - not mine.

"I think I have an introduction, but I'm not sure if it works or not," Katren smiles softly, "Katren from the perspective of her sub."

I can't help but wonder about Katren sometimes. She's a dominatrix, which doesn't bother me, as my aunty has 2 or 3 working for her and I'm fairly good friends with everyone my aunty hires. It's just... They say that most sadomasochists have major control issues, and from what I've seen of Katren, she fits the profile. Me, I'm not sadomasochistic, or at least, not in the same sense. I do have a lot of control issues stemming from my childhood, but I like to be bottom - sub. It is, for me, the biggest turn- on and the hugest sign of trust I can give. Which is why I would never ever even try to hook up with Katren. Not because I don't like her, but because I don't trust her. At all.

Shannon smirks widely and makes a crude gesture that I suspect only me and Lee notice, "Sounds like fun."

I'm kind of jealous of Katren and Shannon's relationship, because they dated about a year ago, just before Shannon came out, and they're very close. I don't know whether I'd call them best friends, but Shannon is the reason that Katren hangs out with our group. She's really a lot more mature then the rest of us, despite her kinks, and she and her boyfriend have the most mature stable relationship I've ever seen between a guy and a girl. She's nice, very quiet and always polite. Not a thing like me, to tell you the truth, but a hell of a lot like the girl I used to be. I don't know that I like her - she scares me a little if you want the truth. Not because of her kinks, but because she reminds me of the person I'm trying not to be.

"Katren, I mean my Master, is the most sadistically talented ray of sunshine you'll ever meet in your life..." She reads out in her soft polite voice.

"That's good Kat!" I reply, barely thinking about what I'm saying. I worry that one day she'll notice that I keep my distance and think that I hate her, so I over-compensate so that doesn't happen. She is the only one of the group I've never hit on, partially because of her homophobia and partially because of my innate fear of who she could be.

"I'm never going to be able to do this," Delilah breaks in softly, "I hate talking about myself."

Delilah is a lot like Lee I guess, and a lot like me too. She doesn't talk a lot, but it's... different when she does. I don't know her well enough to make a proper judgement, I only met her about a year ago, but she seems nice. She's very... proper, despite being a lesbian. She couldn't really be called pretty, or cute, exotic maybe? She looks like an ice-queen.

Her hair is a pale white-blonde colour, her eyes are a glittering pale grey. She dresses like a goth, long black skirts, black tops, silver jewellery, and piercings. Something I find remarkable given the similarity of our families. My father would have torn any piercing I displayed out of my skin the second he saw it.

She's pale, and soft-spoken. She reminds me a lot of my sisters, she even shares a name with one of them. I don't know that I like her any more then I like Katren. They both remind me of a past I'm still trying to forget.

"You'll be okay," Aya comforts her, smiling. Aya is... well she has problems. She radiates them to anyone who's willing to look, but not many people are. She doesn't speak much either, but she's a bloody genius. I mean, I'm smart, no point lying, but she's fucking brilliant. I wish I had her brains. She's a cute little thing, too young for my tastes, and too soft-spoken. I like an aggressive partner, and she's not it. She's shorter than I am, which is a big achievement, with chocolate eyes and even darker hair.

She's Delilah's girlfriend, something which surprises me, yet at the same time doesn't. They're cute together, but I prefer to see my male friends making out then my female friends. So sue me, I like live-action gay porn.

I scratch down a few more ideas. This is definitely going to be a load of bull. I'm thinking I'll write about the fluffy duck to freak our new English teacher out. Either that or seduce her, but I'm not sure that Lee would be terribly impressed, and despite all evidence to the contrary, I don't like disappointing Lee.

Fuck I hate being dependent. It's pathetic. I shouldn't be dependent on anyone.

I could write about myself from Ansette's point of view... I don't know how she thinks of me though. I guess I see her as a mother-figure, even though she's not my real aunty. Hell, if I wasn't one of her girls I bet she wouldn't even look twice at me.

But I'm being stupid. I am one of her girls and she does care about me, so it's an idea. I'll just see how things pan out.

A loud shriek of panic interrupts my thoughts and a tall blur of colour flings itself past me shrilling in fear, "Sano! Help!"

"Ohh Jamie, dearest. Come out, come out wherever you are." Aliselle chirps, grinning broadly.

Jamie makes a pathetic squeaking noise and shrinks down behind Sanosuke, "Lizzie is scary."

Aliselle, more often called Lizzie, is a... fun friend to have around. She and her boyfriend are both more than a little sex-crazed, but they're fun to talk to, and I get on really well with both of them. I guess because I'm nearly as shameless as they are.

I watch on in amusement as Marc, Lizzie's boyfriend, drops down to straddle Sano, our resident pretty-boy Asian, in a very experienced move.

Sano lets out a surprised squeak and squirms under Marc's hold, "Jay-ME!"

Jamie backs away, "Sorry Sano."

Marco stands and I mentally sigh in disappointment, "Don't worry Jay-Jay dear, we don't want to *hurt* you..."

"We just want to rape you is all!" Aliselle chimes in loudly.

Marco's not that hot, but Sano's lovely, I wouldn't mind having a piece of his ass if he wasn't practically asexual. Aliselle, on the other hand, well she's unusual looking, with neon blue hair and yellow contacts. She's not fat, but she's built. She's athletic and she has a lot of muscle.

"No, stay back!" Jamie warns as the two chase him around the tree. Jamie isn't completely gorgeous either, his hair's amazing, soot black and curly, but he's too tall and gangly to be my type.

I mentally cheer when Aliselle finally manages to catch him, and immediately starts dropping kisses all over him, while Marc feels up his thigh.

"Get off of me you sick bitch, you're my cousin and your boyfriend is *straight*."

"But you're just so irresistible," Marco coos, sliding his hand round to caress Jamie's ass.

I can't help it then, I ponce on the group grinning broadly, "Where's my kiss?"

I manage to straddle Jamie, which gets him rather excited, and playfully exchange closed-mouthed kisses with Aliselle. I don't find her attractive, but I'd trust her with my life. Regardless of what the rest of them think about her, she's a good friend, and a trustworthy one too.

I roll off of Jamie and turn to stare at Sanosuke when he yelps.

Sanosuke, like I think I've already said, is our resident Japanese pretty- boy, amusingly enough he has a absolutely gorgeous twin-sister. I love teasing them about twincest, but it's not really a goer. They're close, but not that close, as far as I can tell.

I'd never seriously ask them to do that, I mean, if someone asked me to make out with one of my brothers, like Will or Zach, they'd get a punch in the face. If they were serious that is.

The bell goes and I'm pack up my books with a grin. I have history, with Sanosuke and it's my favourite class. Well actually it's most people I knows favourite class, because of Painter.

Not because he's young or gorgeous or anything like that, even I wouldn't sleep with him. He's just a very good teacher. Heh, and that's one hell of a complement coming from me. I sit down next to Sano and pull out my book. English can wait till I get home. I might write about my home, even if nobody believes I'm telling the truth.

To Be Continued...

Authors Notes: Blerk. Now this really is getting redundant, although there was a lot of new information in that. Sedra's one of my favourite characters in my all the broken glass universe, but she's very... different from the way others perceive her. Anyway, will stop this here. I probable won't write anymore until I finish ATBG, and possibly ATSTIS, but I hope you enjoy this anyway.