Boredom hurts

By: IrishGuy

"I'm bored. Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored," stated Ryan,
laying down on his couch. "I know! I'll call Geoff. He'll tell me what to
do." Ryan picked up the phone and dialed Geoff's number.

"Geoff's incinerator - you kill 'em, we grill 'em."

"Huh? Geoff? This is Ryan...I was wondering if you could tell me what to
do, because I'm really-"

"Click."

"Hello? Heeeeellooooo? He hung up on me, oh well. Let's see if Samurai is
online." Ryan checked his AIM list and noticed the screenname "SamuraiPlatypus."
"Alright!"

IrishGUY: Hey, Samurai!!

SamuraiPlatypus: Huh? Oh, it's you, loser.

::AIM user 'SamuraiPlatypus' has blocked you loser::

"Well, THAT was rude," said Ryan, stating the obvious. "I'm still
bored. Maybe I'll go to one of those 'chatrooms' I'm always hearing of."

::Welcome to 'local' chat::

IrishGUY: Hi Everyone!!

Anon.1:: Huh?

Anon.2::Wha?

Anon.3::Za?

Anon.4::Hey! It's another loser!!

Anon.5::Lets BAN him!!!!

::IrishGuy has been banned from 'local' chat. What a loser::

"AW, SHIT DUDE!" swore Ryan. "Now I'm really bored. Maybe I should just
watch an Olsen twins movie." Ryan shuddered at the idea. "Maybe I should
do something a little less harmful to my body. Like drugs."

After walking around for an hour asking people if they were drug dealers…
"Excuse me, sir, are you a drug dealer?"

"Why yes. Yes I am."

"Are you sure you're not just a cop?"

"Positive."

"Ok then. Cocaine, please."

"Ok, here you go and-"

Halfway through his sentence, the man pulled a badge out of his shirt...along with a gun. "FREEZE, YOU PUNK-ASS DRUG-USING SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!"

"Aw...shit, dude, I thought you said you weren't a cop."

"SHUT UP! SHUT-UP SHUT-UP SHUT-UP!"

"Dude, chill ou-"

"HEY, DON'T MOVE ANY CLOSER! I'M WARNING YOU! ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!" The
officer beat Ryan with the handle of his gun...and then took him to jail.

***

After getting sentenced to jail for seven years, Ryan goes to the state
penitentiary and is currently singing into a soap bar in a shower full of
convicts.

Naked.

"Ooh love-ooh loverboy...what you doing tonight, hey boy...set my alarm
turn on my charm...that's because I'm a good old fashioned lover boy…."

While getting into the song, Ryan squeezed the soap too hard and it fell
to the floor.

"Hey," said a man with the nickname of 'Bubba'. "Hurry up and pick up
that soap, bitch."

"Uh, your not gonna do that same shit here we did in the cell last night
are you?"

'Bubba' just smiled and stood right next to Ryan.

"Sigh."