AN: WOW, the memories. ^_^~ I made this thing in sixth grade!! Hee…but what a hellish endeavor this was. (I’ve got bad luck with puppet shows, don’t I.) You see, I was only supposed to make this first part that you see here, so conveniently labeled as “chapter one.” Our group was assigned two chapters of our World Cultures book to create a lesson out of… But, it could also be in skit/play/whatever format. I popped up happily in my over-eager way yelling “Puppet show! Puppet show!” Sooo, that’s what we did. I was assigned the script for the first chapter, Chris W the script for the second. Lisa J and Andrew E (you know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if that’s who it was. It coulda been Sean L… LISA HELP ME WITH THIS!) were in charge of the actual puppets. It took us FOREVER  to make those dang things… Of course, the scripts THEMSELVES were no easy task, EITHER. I stayed up like HALF THE NIGHT making this dang thing!! I could only PRAY that Chris had written the stuff for the second chapter. Yeah. He didn’t. Thank DOUGHNUT for absentee slips. Mr. Mystery 4th Group Member was sick that day. And he had all the puppets. Phew. So, since it was a Friday, I was able to grab Chris and scream in his ear, DO THE SCRIPT OR DIE!!!! Well…. Monday night he called me, saying “Sorry Emma! I wasn’t able to write the script! I don’t have my book with me! Could you write it?” Yup, there went another half the night clicking away on this old computer. Then, I go to school the next day… still no sign of MR. Mystery 4th Group Member. Little more time to polish the scripts up. A few absentee slips later, and FINALLY we presented. It was a disaster, of course – Lisa never moved her puppet’s mouths, there was practically NO ROOM behind the table we were using to present, Justin J kept tossing paper wads at us since he was towards the side and therefore could see us all just fine, nobody else in the group knew what the term “ad-lib” meant, when the script said to do a certain action, I usually had to hiss at the puppeteer to do it…. And somehow, through all the turmoil, we somehow got a really high grade. God, I’m so glad she was grading us on information and “effort.” Well… R&R, everyone!

Reporter – Hello and welcome to the History Channel’s “History Through the Ages.” I’m your host, Joe Schmoe. I am currently here in the very center of the American Revolution. Whoa! Look out! Cannonball!

Cannonball goes flying.

Reporter – phew! That was close! Anyway, let’s find out why this revolution is going on. Excuse me? Excuse me!

Reporter stops soldier and asks him why he’s here.

Soldier – why am I here? Well why else, dummy! To fight for our freedom! YEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Reporter – Erm… I meant why are you fighting this REVOLUTION.

Soldier – Ooooohhhhhhh… Well you see, the British don’t care about us colonists’ rights. But we’re SUPPOSED to have rights! The Magna Carta was the base of English laws, and it protected everyone’s rights. And then in 1689, the English Bill of Rights was made and it gave us even more individual rights. And as good old Jefferson said in the Declaration of Independence, we all have certain rights and that “among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” And when a government violates these rights, the people have a responsibility to change a government or end it. Oh, and we’re changing it all right- we’re changing it with a revolution! ATTAAAAAAAACK!

Reporter – Ah, yes, thank you. And we’ll be right back after this break. (Slightly nervously-thinks camera is off already. Says while looking around nervously.) Um, okay, can we go a little more forward in time before the battle gets too bad? I’d like to live long enough so that we can make this deadline, please.

Go down and then come back up with state leaders arguing, George Washington pacing, and reporter looking stupid wondering if the camera’s on yet. When reporter notices camera he does double take then starts his lines.

Reporter – oh! Um, uh, uh, hello and, um, welcome back to the History Channel. Here I am with George Washington and a few of the governors of the time, about to sign the Constitution of the United States of America. Ah! They’re starting.

George picks up Constitution and explains what it is for before telling the governors to sign.

George – my fellow Americans, four score and seven years ago, our four fath- erm, what is this?! Whoops, wrong speech. (Clears throat) I have a dream… that one day, little whi- HEY! WHO GAVE ME THE WRONG SPEECH AND BACKUP SPEECH?! Oh, wait, here’s the right one. Friends, it seems that none of us can really come to agreements on things between our 13- or wait, is it 14? Maine is part of Massachusetts, isn’t it? Oh well. Anyways, we need a written code of laws that will let us all have equal rights and laws. Each state can have his own certain set of laws that which determine the drinking age, smoking, how old you have to be to go in a- hey waittaminute I don’t remember putting that in there… Ah, whatever. Just sign here sir, and oh, no, YOU sign HERE, now you go here, here, and you over there…

Governors swarm around George while signing the Constitution. When Reporter begins to finish his segment, one of the governors notices him and other governors and George ad lib “Hey, get outta here” “How’d you get in here” and try to kick him out. Go down before they reach him as the History Channel group continues their time travel.

Soldiers patrol at one end of table. Reporter comes on and opens up his segment.

Reporter – hello and welcome back to the History Channel. I’m here in colonial France in front of the prison, the Bastille. Soon… this quiet countryside will be swarming with French countrymen ready to attack! Why, here they are now!

Frenchmen come on stage chanting “Storm the Bastille! Storm the Bastille!” reporter stops one.

Reporter – Excuse me sir- I’m here for the History Channel. W-

Frenchman – what’s a history channel?

Reporter – what? You mean you’ve never heard of the History Channel?

Frenchman – I’m too poor to have cable.

Reporter – Oh, I see. Oh well. Anyway, why exactly are you storming the Bastille?

Frenchman- For our rights!

Reporter – Where have I heard that before.

Frenchman – You see, our government is made up of the three parts of the Estates-General. The first part is made up of the clergy and the second is made up of the nobles. They all own most of the land, hold the highest government positions, and pay the absolute LEAST in taxes. And then the Third Estate contains everyone else- the doctors and the merchants and the peasants. We all get very little say in the government and pay just about all the taxes. It’s not fair-we’re the ones who work the hardest! A lot of us end up paying all the money we have on taxes, instead of the food we need to live. And every single time we try to make a fairer way of taxing, the other two Estates out-vote us. But now we’re taking action! The Bastille also contains many of the king’s weapons, so we’re taking them! (To comrades) Come on boys, let’s get those weapons!

Soldiers trample guards and then leave scene. Reporter leaves once he’s done talking with Frenchman.

Come back in with reporter, executioner, and Marie Antoinette on the guillotine. Make sure to have the Directory ready! The guillotine (someone’s hand) continuously comes down on Marie Antoinette.

Reporter – Ah! Welcome back! I’m here with the executioner and Marie Antoinette, the ex-queen.

M.A. – (Say “Ow” or something like it each time the guillotine comes down.)

Reporter – kind sir, could you please explain why you are trying to behead the queen?

Executioner – Well, in a nutshell, it’s because the king’s a traitor. What happened was that new laws were made after the storming of the Bastille. It promised freedom of speech and religion and equal treatment for all people under the law. And then France got a new constitution that said that even though the king stayed on the throne, an elected assembly would make the laws. The king agreed publicly but behind everyone’s backs he asked foreign monarchs to invade France and overthrow the revolutionaries. Of course, everyone found out and he and the queen got thrown in prison. A new assembly then met to make a new constitution that gave King Louis XVI all authority. He then got beheaded, and we’re trying to behead his queen but it doesn’t seem to work, as you can see. We’re also beheading bunches of other nobles along with the king and queen. But the foreign leaders around us don’t really like this- a bunch have tried to stop us. See? Here comes another little group. Here we go again…

Directory enters.

Directory – We are the five members of the directory! We are now the new leaders of France!

Reporter – I only see three people.

Directory – Uh… a couple of us got sick!

MA – Hey… um… can you get me off the guillotine now? Directory? Weren’t you against the beheadings? Umm…. AACK (Guillotine kills Marie Antoinette)

Reporter and everyone else leave stage.

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Napoleon and group of tired soldiers are standing around.

Reporter – Wow, a lot of things have changed! Let’s interview this soldier about what’s been going on, shall we? Excuse me sir, could you please fill us in on what’s happened since the directory first came?

Soldier – Whoa, where have you been? About 13 years ago, Napoleon – that general back there – overthrew the directory and took control of the government. He did everything- he wrote new laws, he made himself emperor, he took over more lands, and he took us on a suicide march. Before winter started, he led a group of 600,000 soldiers, including the people you see here, on a march into Russia. Once the bad weather came, though, all our supplies ran out and now only about 100,000 tired soldiers are left. At this rate, a one-man Russian army could probably defeat us all.

Foreign attacker enters

Foreigner – I VEEL KEEL YOO ALL!!!!!!

Soldier – Me an’ my big mouth. AAAAAAHHHHHHH

Foreigner goes around knocking down all the soldiers and then gets in fight with Napoleon.

Reporter – (to audience) More defeats followed the disaster in Russia. Napoleon’s empire began to crumble. Armies from Britain and its and its European allies finally defeated Napoleon at the battle of Waterloo in 1815. Thank you for watching our production of “History Through the Ages.”