There are a few things all people do that we can't help. Relieving ourselves of bodily waste is one of them. We all do it. If you don't, then you have more serious problems than me being wrong about it right now. However, the act is fairly regular (no pun intended) and one does not expect strange things to happen during or after.

I went into the bathroom recently without much thought to the normalcy of it, nor with any thought of "nothing strange will happen." and when I emerged I was face to face with my wife. That in and of itself is not very strange, but when I had gone into the bathroom... I wasn't married.

I hadn't sat long enough to get a numb butt. That had happened in the past when I had taken something in to the bathroom with me to read and I felt like such a complete moron for being in there for so long that I vowed I'd never do anything like that again. I was in a bit longer than usual though, it felt good to just sit for a few minutes. Work was going okay, but was increasingly more tiring on my aging body. The thought of a few days off made it all worth while though. I'd have enough money to go do a few of the things I had been wanting to. My apartment was in shambles since I wasn't home often enough to even care how much of a mess it was and I decided that I'd do a little spring cleaning, even if spring was a couple of months away.

Being a bachelor for a few years had made me soft... and lax... in my housekeeping duties. I didn't live in filth, but I wasn't living in pristine cleanliness either. I promised I'd keep the place up once I got my time off from work and blitzed it completely clean to begin with. Not much for a vacation, but I get a sense of well-being when the house is clean so it helps me nearly as much as three days of sleep.

I finished up my toiletries and washed my hands with my pants still unbuckled. One of the good things about living by yourself is the complete freedom you have to walk around with your pants half falling off if you felt like it. I was planning to change my clothes and it seemed like a waste of effort to buckle my pants, then go unbuckle them to change a room away.

When I was finished washing up, I stared at myself in the mirror for a little while. I really don't remember when I had gotten to look so old. I was looking more and more like my father and I know I certainly didn't feel that old, except after working 6 days straight. I examined my stubble which had seeped into my cheeks and chin during the day and seriously considered electrolosis. Facial hair is uncomfortable to me and I never thought I'd ever want to start cultivating any. Well, too expensive anyway, so shaving it is...

I glanced over my shoulder at the rest of the bathroom, making sure I didn't do something stupid like leave an empty roll on the toilet paper dispenser, or leave the water running, and after I had turned the knob, opening the door, I looked back out into the hall seeing the same cupboard, the same wall, the same toaster on the counter... the same everything... I had for the past 3 years... until I came to a strange new addition. A young woman standing with her back to me, reading something.

I had taken a single step out of the door before I had seen her and I stopped immediately. Words wouldn't even come to my mouth. I saw the whole scene somehow in stopped time. Me standing there with one hand on the doorknob, one holding up my pants, a foot out into the hall with a strange awkward tilt to the leg indicating forward motion... and her! Some... person... standing in my kitchen without so much as warning to anyone who might have been here!

Time resumed suddenly, my belt buckle clanging gently. I stared at the woman in my kitchen, at her back, and then sputtered, "E-e-excuse me!"

She turned around. Smiling... SMILING!

If I hadn't been in the situation I was in at the moment... holding up my pants and stumbling out of my bathroom, I would have thought she had a very pretty smile. Instead I thought she had a very pretty smile AND that she had some nerve coming into my house uninvited.

"Who are you!?" I asked loudly, clutching and flailing at my pants trying to get them buckled back up.