|The Evil Overlords Association
Author: Miller8 PM
Yes, based on our ever-popular website, the EOA is HERE! Madness ensues as the EOA try to take over the world, as well as put up with themselves! (Now edited to avoid mention of previous girlfriends)Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 15,557 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 03-29-06 - Published: 07-24-03 - id: 1364885
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A note you should take into account before reading this story: This story is based around our humble ikkle website. The website is based around some people from our school, except we just make them evil overlords. It is a totally fiction world, and no offence is intended towards anyone or anything. Anything we use in this story or on our site HAS NOT been stolen, and if you have the same, it is purely coincidental. Any law suits should be taken to Alexman ^^
If you want better character profiles, or even a glimpse of what the characters are supposed to look like, visit www.evil-overlords.150m.com. If you want, you can read my - yes, MY - webcomics. Funny ^^
Anyway, enough with the disclaimer... on with the show...
Our day can start in the Evil Overlords Association's office. I say can, because I could start it anywhere I want to... like Thailand, or Japan, or the white house (You just DON'T want to see what happens in there, trust me), but I want to start it in the EOA office, else the whole idea of an EOA story is lost already, and we have barely started, if you get my meaning.
The EOA office is a small hut in an unknown location. I say unknown, because anyone who is actually believing this is real may want to try and find it. But just know that the office is right next to a pub. And it has a bus stop virtually outside it. That narrows it down ever so slightly. Anyway, the office doesn't technically belong to the EOA... it belongs to the mother of the leader of the EOA, but to say that is just nit-picking, and besides, I probably won't mention much about her anyway. I couldn't really call it Tailos's mother's office/shack/hut/tepee now, could I? So let's leave it at the EOA office.
Aaaaaaanyway, back to the whole story thing. Inside the EOA office, is the five main evil overlords. Yes, these beings are surpassed by only one ultimate Evil Overlord, who shall be named at a later date (because if I mention his name now, anyone who recognises the name will instantly bow before their computer or wherever they are reading this from, and will be prostrating themselves at a time that is both inconvenient for me, as the writer, because I want people to read this story, not bow to a name that appears in it, and it is also inconvenient for anyone reading it, because they have only just started, and they already have to bow so early on in the story). I might as well name these Evil Overlords, as failure to do so may result in confusion later on in the story.
So there is the leader, Tailos. The martial-artist coder (now there's a combination no one would ever think possible). What can be said about him, he's short, a smart-ass, he's corrupt and he's a gambling addict (not slot machines, just poker). He got the position as leader due to two things... one, he was favoured by the supreme Evil Overlord, and two... his mum owns the office. Rarely does he need to resort to force in his position of authority, because anything that needs to be doing that involves a lot of bleeding, he lets Miller do for him.
And speaking of Miller, we should introduce him next. The owner of the EOA's very own pet corner. The one who is usually blamed for EVERYTHING that goes wrong, Miller is one of the only members of the EOA that goes without pay (Tailos gambles his pay checks away, instead of giving them to him). He's the co-founder of the EOA (he likes to think).
Next comes the EOA's very own Evil Planner (what can be done without them?), Alexman. Weasly, confusing and his plans hardly ever seem to work in his favour. The only reason Alexman has a position of small authority in the EOA, is because he sells his ridiculous plans off, and all the money his plans make go towards Tailos's gambling stash.
And then there is Sebster. The property salesgiant. At a towering nine feet tall, the lazy bastard actually does nothing for the EOA, except occasionally agree with Tailos. His vague promises of bringing in millions are the only things that keep his face and job intact. One day, he will start doing what he is payed to do, and he might find the EOA a new office.
Finally... last and least is Laura. Why do we mention her last? Because there is nothing to mention. She sits in the corner on her own brand of stool and does nothing. That's her job, and she gets paid for it. Why complain? I wouldn't.
Anyway, the five main Evil Overlords have been named and crudely described. There are other, less important Evil Overlords, but they shall be described when and if they appear in this story.
So, they were all sat in the EOA office, Tailos busy coding parts of the photo album on the EOA site (www.evil-overlords.150m.com for those of you who have forgotten), Miller trying to work out how Tailos had just scammed him out of all his remaining money at a recent poker game, Sebster asleep, Alexman trying to create a new, unworkable plan, and Laura was sat in the corner.
"I think I know how you did that, last night!" Miller finally announce, straightening himself.
Everyone ignored him, as was usually the custom.
"Yes, I know!" Miller said again, trying to get at least someone's attention.
"If I pretend to listen, will you shut up?" Tailos asked, trying to work his way through a near-impossible piece of coding.
"You cheated, didn't you? How could you have rolled that sixty in ten rolls? You got a six every time. You had to have cheated." Miller pointed an accusing finger at the leader of the EOA.
Going ever so slightly red, Tailos turned away and rolled his dice for an intelligent reply. He failed. "Um..." He muttered, turning back to Miller. "Um... No... I didn't cheat..." He nervously laughed.
Miller regarded him with a strange look. "Why is your face red?" He asked.
"Red? Me? No... just... the light..."
"Oh really?" Miller asked, unconvinced. "I still think you cheated last night."
"Fine." Tailos stood up. "We'll do a dice roll. One roll. If the number is one, three or five, I cheated. If its a two, four or a six, I didn't."
"Fine then!" Miller stood up too, instantly forgetting the thrashing he had received the night before.
Tailos removed his lucky charms from his secret pocket in his tae kwondo suit. His eight sixes on a six sided dice. He shook it once, pretending to be nervous. He rolled the dice across the floor. It hit the wall and bounced back... onto a six.
Miller snapped his fingers. "Best two out of three?" He asked plainly.
Five hours later, they were still at it...
"Best eight hundred and one out of one thousand, six hundred and one?" Miller asked almost pathetically.
"Miller, you lost eight hundred times in a row." Alexman piped up from his planning table. "Why do you think that you'll win this time?"
"Miller, I'll be fair." Tailos said with an evil grin that they all somehow missed. "One more dice throw, same rules. If it's a one, three or five, I cheated and I'll give you your pay check for this week. If it's a two, four or six, I didn't cheat and I keep your pay check. How does that sound?"
Miller considered it. "You always keep my pay check anyway." He accused.
"So? You have less to lose, then." Sebster provided in his squeaky voice.
"What do you say?" Tailos asked, rattling the dice temptingly.
Miller paused. "Ah hell, lets go." He said finally.
"I'll get you back for this Miller, I swear I will."
Miller looked down at Tailos, who was on his knees in despair. "Ha! I lose eight hundred in a row, and then come back to win the one that matters! You cheated, and you also owe me a pay check!"
The leader of the Evil Overlords beat his head on the floor in agony. "No. A five. A bloody five. How can this be? My fabled dice have failed! Nooooo!"
Ever so suddenly, Alexman gave a shrill victorious cry! The Evil Overlords looked across to him hopeful, of a way of earning money, land and minions.
"A-HA! FINALLY, I HAVE BEATEN THE CROSSWORD!!! That blasted 7-down...it was FAIL!! How could I be so stupid!"
Tailos groaned even louder and began to smack his head on the nearby table that he had been working at. He began muttering something that sounded to Miller suspiciously like: "We are not insane. We are not insane. We are not insane."