New Beginnings.

You’re not sure what awoke you. Maybe it was the emptiness that lingered next to your body, or maybe it was the chaste kiss to your forehead or maybe, it was neither. You’re not too sure at this point. All you’re sure of is the fact that you’re currently lying awake on your empty bed, tears streaming down your face and an ache in your heart that you’re not sure will ever disappear.

The pale light from the moon that filters through your curtains tells you it’s not even morning yet. You remember falling asleep a measly few hours ago next to the person who means more to you than life itself, the person who you’ve let ruin your life because if you didn’t you know you’d have never seen him again and you would have no reason to live. And now, well now he’s gone anyway. Your life has been ruined even though you tried your hardest to prevent it and there’s nothing you can do to change it.

You look around your cluttered room, eyes searching there hardest for a clock. You eventually find one and see that it’s only 4 am. Sighing quietly to yourself you drag yourself out of the safety net your bed has become. You know it’s too early to do anything, but you realise that lying in a bed filled with his scent isn’t going to help you any either. As you slowly pull off the sheets that are the only reminder you have of him, it begins to sink in that, tonight was the last night you’ll ever spend with him. Suddenly, it doesn’t seem right to be destroying the only little bit of him you have left.

As your whole world starts to fall apart in front of your eyes, you make the decision to go back to sleep. At least this way you won’t have to put up with the hurt that radiates from your heart every time you think of him. As you attempt to remake your bed you find you have neither the will nor the energy to do so. The only other option you find is to grab your quilts and sleep on the settee that he helped you chose. But you suppose that at least this way, you won’t have half an empty bed as a constant reminder of what you’re missing.

With the little energy you have left you gather up your quilt and begin to make your way to your settee in the front room. But before you can completely make your way inside the room you see a faint flicker of lights and the unmistakable low grumble of a laugh that you’ve had burnt into your memory. It’s one of the noises that you’ve grown to love and hate at the same time. And as you start to comprehend what this means you feel your chest become tight and feel the tears that had only just stopped mere minutes ago, start again.

You must have made some noise as you slid to the ground because within seconds of touching the carpet you feel strong arms around your waist and the unmistakeable sound of his voice singing soothing words into your hair. You don’t know what to do. He wasn’t supposed to be here. You weren’t supposed to be comforted by him. Not now. Not after he broke your heart.

“Nathen?”

You whisper his name. You need to know you’re not dreaming. As you turn your body around to look at him you know that this is real.

“God, I’m so sorry James. I’m so fucking sorry.”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. When you reopen them you see the trail of tears that have made their way down his face. You realise that he’s apologised more to you tonight than he ever has. It seems like a slap in the face for some unknown reason. Why is he apologising now?

“I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have stayed with her. But it’s going to be okay right? Right? We can be together now can’t we? Properly? Move in together maybe? Oh God, please say something. James, please.”

You don’t know what to say. You don’t understand what he’s trying to tell you. Move in, with him. But that means he’s broken up with her. And you know he would never do that. God, you want him to yourself more than anything, but you can’t bring yourself to believe it’s happening now.

“How?”

He looks stunned. But only briefly before a regretful smile makes its way onto his face. He closes his eyes and it’s moments like these that you’re glad you stayed with him. Times like this when the true him shines through, all the insecurities, hopes and fears, everything that makes him who he is.

“She found out about us.”

Five simple words that should have, if you think about it brought you joy, but didn’t. You realise that this means he never told her but rather the only reason he can be with you now is because she no longer wants him. You feel like your life has been pushed out of you and you don’t know what to do.

“Oh.”

With that one worded response, you push his arms away from you before stumbling into and upright position and making your way over to the couch. You want to be left alone to think things through.

“Will you please just leave?”

You feel his hand on your shoulder. At your request it squeezes your shoulder to the point where you know you’ll get a bruise. You feel your resolve breaking. This is hurting him. Telling him to leave is causing him pain and you know you can’t stand to do that.

“But…but we can be together now. Properly. Please.”

You don’t say anything. He obviously takes this as a bad sign because his hand has left your shoulder and you hear his feet move across the floor towards your front door. He’s going to leave. He’s actually going to leave you, quite possibly for good this time. As these thoughts run through your head you realise that if he actually walks out that door tonight, he’s taking your reason to live with him.

“Wait. Please don’t go.”

The last few words were barely a whisper and for a brief moment you thought he might not have heard you. But then, he slowly turns his head around and you see a brief happy smile grace his features. The smile is the first one you can remember seeing in a long while.

“Are you sure?”

You realise that it’s now or never. If you say yes, you’ll be together hopefully, no matter what and if you say no, you’ll be alone, broken and wondering if you could have ever been happy.

“Yes.”

You knew what the answer would be all along. How couldn’t you?

“We can try and make things work right?”

You’re pleading with him to reassure you that everything won’t be done in vain. From the look on his face you know he’s not sure it won’t be.

“We can try, but I’m not promising it will all work out. I mean, I want more than anything to be with you, but if it doesn’t work out that way…”

You know this is as good as it’s going to get. You were happy with him once before and you’re hoping you can be happy again. Hopefully, the damage that’s been caused isn’t irreparable.

“I know there’s a chance we’ll never be happy, but all I’m asking is that we can try, can’t we?”

He smiles on of his smiles that makes you want to smile for the sake of it and nods his head ‘yes’. It’s the happiest you’ve seen him in a long while.

“There’s no doubt that we we’re going to try. As long as you want to that is.”

“I do. But I think we need to talk.”

He nods his head in approval of the idea and you know that today is going to be the day that begins or ends your life as you know it. Things will have to change, and hopefully, they will for the better.

A/N. There, this is finished. Slightly shorter than the other two and it’s not a happy ending, nor is it a sad ending. It is however an ending and you can make of it what you want.

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