The Secret behind the Smile

She stood her ground as they both reprimanded her. Telling her she was still a child, no where near being an adult.

“So wait, I can’t treat you the way you treat me,” she said in an icy even tone.

“NO!” Her father snapped back, “You’re not an adult!” At this she turned on her heels.

“Wait till I am, than you’ll regret it,” she responded. It was more of a statement than a threat.

“Than you’ll be mature!” laughed her father. By now she was approaching the stairs.

“Like you?” she said angrily. Keep her steps light; she walked up the stairs to her room. Her friend was on the floor playing solitaire. The girl smiled sweetly and asked her friend, that when she was went to sleep to shut the light off. Her friend agreed and so the girl climbed into bed. She rolled on her side to face the wall and the poster of her Guardians. She didn’t understand any of this. If everyone was equal, that why were so many considered inferior?

She stared at the wall and listened to the swish of the cards flipping. What bothered her most was why? Why couldn’t she do what they wanted? Why couldn’t she be kind and well mannered? Why couldn’t she be as smart as the wanted? Why? Why? WHY?

Feeling tears rise in her eyes, she blinked and swallowed, forcing them down with the rest of her emotions. Even the thoughts about those she cared about did not give her comfort. She knew they were probably just nice to her because they felt it was their job. Nobody could honestly say they cared of their own free will. It hurt, but she knew that the truth hurt. She would do her best with the punishments she gave herself. Perhaps her mind would think a little better. Even if her body suffered, it would be well worth the pain. The next morning she tried to slip out of her room without waking her friend. However, she found her friend already awake.

“You want to take a shower first?” she asked brightly.

“Sure, okay.” Her friend gathered her things and went into the bathroom. The girl went into her sister’s room and went on the computer. Her sister was at sleep away camp so I t wasn’t like she minded. The girl went online and read some fan fictions, still contemplating the events from before.

When her friend was done in the shower, she got in to take one. The hot water was really hot, some might say too hot, but she didn’t care. It made her feel somewhat alive. She got out and pulled on her cherry red robe. It was soft, fluffy, and warm. It made her feel semi-safe, though as she looked in the mirror and saw the dull eyes starring back at her, she did not feel as safe. She smiled and so did the reflection.

No one could ever imagine that the smile was as fake as she was. She inspected the reflection, sure the body was slender, and had the look of a semi-athletic person, but she didn’t consider it pretty. No one knew that behind the smile lay a person disgusted with who they were, repulsed at the monster they would become. She hated that person in the mirror more than anything else.

She went into her room and got dressed Smiling as she left to go down stairs with her friend to get something to eat. As much as she felt like punishing herself, she ate a bowl of lucky charms. Her father came down and was joking and being such a nice guy. She wished she could run somewhere and have somebody hold her, someone who she’d feel safe with, but anyone like that was no where to be found.

So she kept smiling and laughed with her friend. She helped her father get his golf stuff together; she smiled for the pictures, refusing the entire time to let her pain show. When her friend’s mom came she smiled and told her of their adventures. She continued to smile throughout the day. As she lay in the hammock listening to the screams of the neighbors as they dove into their pool, she let her mind drift. Inside she felt like a bomb ticking; only this was about to explode. She picked up her pen and notebook and bled onto the nice white lined pages. She inhaled the sweet fresh air and pulled her sun glasses down to block the sun. Perhaps, she thought, someday, somebody would discover that behind her smile there was a stone wall of emotions. Someday, someone who figure out who she was. She decided to let this piece be their start and so she began:

Alyson stood her ground as they both reprimanded her.