Year Of The Dragon

By: Jami JoAnne Russell

Wu hung over the glass case upside down. Holding the can of air freshener, he sprayed it,

revealing a red web of laser lights. He grinned. "You're learning, Mac. However, you forgot one

space." With that he carefully lowered himself thru the very center of the laser web. Out of his

sleeve popped a suction cup and glass cutter. Slowly he sliced the glass on the top of the case and

then lifted out the circle of glass. Laying it to the side before reaching in and grabbing the small

jade dragon inside. He then pressed the button that caused his cord to retract back to the ceiling.

He flipped out of the skylight, landing like a cat on his feet. Pocketing everything.

Grinning like the cat that ate not only the canary but also the mouse, Wu began to make his was

to the edge of the roof.

"Going somewhere, Wu?" Machiavelli said in his cold, smooth voice.

Now Mac was the complete opposite of Wu. Where Wu had dark brown hair and eyes and tan

colored skin, Mac had pale blond hair, pink eyes, and paper white skin. A true albino. He was

taller then Wu and where Wu wore his black clothing to hide in the darkness, Mac wore his black

clothing to add to his look of death. Even the ring he wore was made of solid black onyx.

"Mac," Wu said with a grin, loving how Mac hated being called Mac, "you got your teeth fixed I

see."

"Give me the statue, Wu."

Wu's hand tightened into a fist now. "That statue rightfully belongs to the Wey family and you

know it."

"And I care about that.... why?" Mac asked with a grin. Two burly men came up on either side of

Mac, looking ready to fight.

As the men approached the sound of whirling blades filled the air. Wu grinned. "Another day,

boys." And as the helicopter buzzed low overhead, the men rushed Wu. As for Wu he grabbed the

landing bar nearest to him and swung his legs out, knocking the men back just before the

helicopter lifted into the air. Wu swung himself into the copter.

"You so owe me one, Wu." Arnie said. Arnie was a black man, he wasn't buff like Wesley Snipes

or skinny like Will Smith but somewhere in between. He made his living giving helicopter tours of

San Francisco, on the side he gave flying lessons.

Even though bullets were flying behind them as they got farther away, Wu sat back in his seat

with relief. "Come by my house. I'll make you supper. I'll cook you up a jambalaya so good

you'll think you were back in Louisiana."

"Wu," Arnie said, "you have a lot to learn. I'm not from Louisiana! I was born and raised in

Bangor, Maine, and I hate spicy food!"

Wu looked surprised, then said, "Alright, lobster then."

"No shellfish, it's forbidden, I'm Jewish." Arnie replied.

Throwing up his hands in frustration, Wu exclaimed, "Great, now I need a Kosher cookbook!"

Arnie sighed, "I suppose this isn't a good time to mention I'm a vegetarian...."

Wu began to curse in rapid-fire Chinese.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pearl sighed as she looked at her watch. In two hours she was to meet her parents and here she

was, hopelessly lost in San Francisco, somewhere need Chinatown. She knew she should've taken

a cab or even a bus, but she had chosen to walk because she needed to blow off steam. The last

couple of days had been murder. Pearl was a comic book writer of a semi-popular sci-fi/fantasy

adventure series and here for a week-long major comic book convention. The fans were giving

her guff because she had some way out situations, like aliens and vampires, but she was just trying

to stop being like all the other writers out there. Another reason people were treating her badly at

the convention she was attending was because the lead female character had recently come out of

the closet as a lesbian. Ruining the fantasy of every straight male in America. Also the other lead

female character had a severe weight problem which made the straight men even madder - they

didn't like a real-looking woman being able to be a hero.

There were reasons for these things. Pearl was bisexual herself and wanted the world to know

being bi or homosexual wasn't evil. Also Pearl was fat. At the age of 24 and the height of 5' 3"

she weighed an even 270 pounds. Her eyes were a lovely almond shape and grey-green, but her

hair was the world's most boring shade of brown - and brown hair on a woman is a boring shade

to begin with. So by mixing two different hair colors, balsam blond and "true" redhead, she had

colored her hair a lovely strawberry-blond. Pearl even dabbed it on her eyebrows which helped

make people believe it was her natural hair color.

As said before, people at the convention were giving Pearl a hard time. Ultra-conservatives

wanted her to do away with the lesbian, and this included her parents! Sex-starved men wanted

her to "cure" the lesbian and do away with the "fat pig." Thankfully because of the lesbian and

over weight characters Pearl's series was now highly popular amongst feminists and the gay &

lesbian groups. So sales were starting to go thru the roof. Still, it bothered her that so many

others were getting on her case. And now it was revealed that Pearl also dabbled in fetish stories.

Though as she pointed out, at least none of her stories ever involved anyone that even looked

under 18. Pearl hated pedophiles with a passion and believed there should be a death penalty for

child molesters. Straight people seemed bothered by this but Pearl's homosexual friends agreed

with her. Not surprising since 95% of pedophiles are straight, white males. The other 5% was

made up by straight women, straight men of minority groups, and the smallest percentage was

homosexuals.

As lost in her thoughts as she was, the little shop still caught Pearl's eye. It was one of those kind

that specialized in imports for Japan and China as well as other Asian countries. There was an

entire window filled with jade carvings. It drew her in like a magnet. Behind the counter was a

smiling Asian man that seemed to want to fulfill every white person stereotype. Smiling too

toothsome, his greeting too cheery, and yet a veiled hatred in his eyes. He was old enough to

remember how things were before Martin Luther King Jr and other civil rights leaders.

"Hello!" He said as soon as he saw her. "Can I help you?"

"Well -" Pearl began, then saw the rings in the case. "Actually, those rings are beautiful." She

pointed to them. Carved jade set in silver, each one an animal from the Chinese zodiac.

"Oh yes!" Reaching down he took them out of the case. "Now each of these are an animal from

the Chinese zodiac. What year were you born, miss?"

"1976, the year of the Dragon." Pearl smiled, especially when his eyes registered a smidge of

surprise that she even knew this.

An hour, several dollars, and some directions later Pearl walked out with a new ring and the

knowledge she blew the stereotype of white people stereotyping all minorities out of the water.

She had shown remarkable knowledge to the salesman. Okay, granted she couldn't remember his

name, but she was always bad at names. Pearl sometimes couldn't remember the names of her

very own characters.

Now, if only she could handle her parents as easily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mother," Wu protested even as the tiny, wizened woman led him down the stairs, "I don't see

why we have to do this."

Mrs. Wey rapped her son on the shoulder with her free hand and continued to drag him down the

stairs. "Because you're 45 and unmarried and I want grandchildren before I die!" Chiu Wey was

as surprisingly spry woman for her undeterminable age. At least two feet shorter then her son and

a long time widow. She had single-handily raised her boy once his father died when Wu was only

7 years old. Dragging him off to America when Wu's paternal parents tried to take him away

from Chiu. When Chiu made up her mind about something she always made sure it happened.

And she had made up her mind to get her son married.

The room smelled strongly of strange herbs and incense. A woman, amazingly looking even older

the Chiu which was no small feat, sat at a table, preparing a pot of tea. Without looking up she

motioned to the chairs, Wu and Chiu sat. The woman poured a cup of tea and Wu could see the

loose leaves slipping out. Wu wrinkled his nose, he hated loose leaf tea, he always gagged on the

leaves. And yet he found the cup forced into his hands.

"Drink," the woman said, "and don't swallow the leaves!"

"Thank you, but I prefer coffee." Wu said, trying to hand the cup back. Chiu smacked him in the

back of his head and the old woman glared at him.

Together they both forcefully said, "DRINK!"

Wu drank, gulping the hot liquid down quickly. Then he began to sputter and choke on the leaves

stuck in his throat. Chiu smacked him hard on the back and Wu coughed the leaves all over the

table and the woman. She just stared at him thru the dripping leaves. Wu was frozen to his seat,

unable to even offer to help her clean up. She snatched the cup from his hands and looked deeply

into it, making soft noises in the back of her throat, pausing only long enough to wipe some leaves

from around her right eye.

"Your son," she said as she put the cup down and looked at them, "must marry the first single

woman he meets who was born in the year of the dragon."

Chiu thanked and paid the tea leaf reader, then dragged her protesting son back up the stairs.

"Mother, I don't want to marry!" Wu hissed at her, angry and humiliated beyond belief. Marriage

was a trap that Wu wasn't about to fall into.

"You will marry and provide me with grandchildren!" Chiu said, reaching up to smack him behind

the head, hard. "Stop being disrespectful! I'm an old woman."

Rubbing the back of his head, Wu grumbled in Chinese but said nothing loud enough to be heard.

Concentrating on this he didn't see the woman he ran into. A beautiful set of brown eyes looked

up at him. Oh, she was stunning. Tan skin, a willowy figure, long dark brown hair. Perfect in

every way. Including the short and tight skirt she wore and the blouse that showed off her round,

firm breasts.

"You," Chiu said, grabbing the woman's arm, "what year were you born in?"

"The year of the Goat, ma'am," she replied.

Chiu snorted, "Not the one, get out of here." Stamping her foot she chased the beauty off.

"Mother," Wu whined, "she was beautiful!"

"She wasn't the one." Chiu replied, dragging her son along like a rag doll. "You're too

Americanized! You have no respect for your elders, none at all."

Wu kept his mouth shut, this was true, he didn't respect his elders as he should. Besides that the

sound of a struggle distracted him. Looking into an alley he saw a young white man trying to take

the purse of a heavy set young white woman. The woman wasn't about to give up her purse.

Shouting at the boy she held onto her purse with one hand while swinging a trash can lid at his

head with the other. The lid was rubber but it did distract the boy long enough for Wu to come up

behind him and deliver a kick to the back of his knees.

The boy fell but came up again with a knife. He rushed Wu only to find his blade stuck in the

rubber trash can lid. The woman spun the lid upwards quickly, ripping the blade from the boy's

hand. Wu chopped at him rapidly, not seriously hurting the kid, but scaring him enough that the

boy ran off as if the hounds of Hell were on his heels.

"Thanks," the fat redhead said, brushing herself off. A jade ring with a dragon on it glittered on

her finger. "Kids today. I swear the world's going to pot."

"You'd be right too," Chiu said before her son could reply. Grabbing the woman's chin in her

hands she looked at her. "Good bone structure, got some meat on her bones too, not like those

skinny things you like, Wu, those girls would break in the first strong wind. Excellent hips, nice a

wide. Good for birthing." Then Chiu dug her fingers into the woman's ribs, causing the poor

redhead to burst out in laughter. "Very ticklish too. Excellent! Ticklish women are the best lovers.

The more ticklish they are the better they are in bed. That's why your father picked me. What

year were you born?"

The woman gasped for breath after the brief but ruthless rib-tickling, then replied. "1976."

"Hmm," Chiu said, racking her brains, "now that would be the year of the...."

"Horse!" Wu said desperately, grabbing his mother's arm and trying to drag her away. "She's not

the one either, on we go."

"No," the woman said, "1976 is the year of the dragon."

Chiu pulled away from her son with a wide grin. "She's the one! I am Chiu Wey and this is my

son Wu. You are....?"

"Pearl Banks. A pleasure to meet you but what do you mean by my being the one, pray tell?"

Pearl's eyes were filled with curiosity.

"The one to marry my son of course!" Chiu took Pearl's arm in her's and started to guide her out

of the alley. "We must start making arrangements right away."

Pearl looked at Wu like a deer caught in headlights. Trying to gently extract her arm, she

sputtered, "Well, I'm sure your son's a fine man but - I'm not marrying anyone. Plus I'm late to

meet my parents for lunch."

"Wonderful!" Chiu said, holding tighter to Pearl's arm. "We can meet the in-laws! Wu, call a

taxi."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mr. and Mrs. Banks were more then shocked to see their daughter in the company of two

strangers. Even more shocked when Chiu announced that Wu was Pearl's intended.

"I am NOT marrying him!" Pearl growled. "I'm not marrying anyone. Ever."

Chiu patted Pearl's cheek, smiling lovingly. "Of course you are, dear. It's been foretold."

This of course did not make Mr. Banks happy. In fact he looked ready to scream. A stiff small-

town Christian of the age of 59, Mr. Banks did NOT approve of even reading newspaper

horoscopes. To him anything of that nature was works of Satan and he said as much now. Adding

that there was no way he'd approve of his daughter marrying a stranger. His face, pocket-marked

from bad childhood acne, was vivid red right up to the roots of his greying brown-black hair and

his thick glasses waggled on his nose. Mrs. Banks, a short over-weight blond of 58, looked

humiliated that her husband had gotten out from under her thumb and was causing a scene.

As for Chiu, she just fixed Mr. Banks with an icy glare. His blue eyes locked with her brown.

Suddenly he went pale and slumped back in his chair, not that you could really tell as Mr. Banks

was naturally round-shouldered due to poor posture as a child. Food was ordered tensely by all

except Chiu who chattered on about the wedding.

When the food came both Pearl and her father picked up the chopsticks and wielded them

expertly. Mrs. Banks used a fork for her duck.

"So," Wu whispered to Pearl, desperate for something to say, "um - you eat Chinese a lot?"

"Can't stand the stuff," Pearl admitted. "I'd rather have pizza, but dad's roommate in college was

Chinese and dad burns ice water, so his roomy did all the cooking."

"I hate Chinese food too," Wu admitted himself, "that's why I took cooking classes. A hamburger

would be great right about now." He watched as Pearl dipped her food into a watery sauce.

"Careful, that's real spicy."

Looking Wu right in the eye Pearl popped her food into her mouth, chewed, and swallowed

without even a tear forming in her eye. "A bit mild if you ask me."

Wu was shocked. That stuff always took his breath away. Once he dropped some on his lap and

his legs burned for hours.

The next shock was when five men entered the room. He knew these men in their Polo shirts and

Old Navy blue jeans. The leather jackets and Vans shoes topped off their outfits. Well, the back

four were dressed like this at least, but the lead man wore a black pin striped suit. They pushed

past the host and made a bee-line for Wu's table. Two men stood behind the Banks, one behind

Chiu, one behind Pearl, and the leader grabbed Wu's shoulder and bent down, getting into his

face. "There's a gun aimed at each one of these people. Unless you want someone to die you will

tell me where the statue is."

"You get out of here!" Chiu shouted. "We're planning Wu's wedding!"

"Mrs. Wey," the leader said, almost - nervously?! - "a - pleasure to see you again." If one didn't

know better one would think this man was scared of Chiu!

"Get out of here," she repeated. "And you, stop pointing that gun at Wu's fiance right this

minute! Have you no respect?"

Wu wanted to shut his mother up but didn't dare move. He didn't want to get anyone hurt or

killed. Not even the strangers dining around them.

"Hey," Pearl said suddenly, catching the leader's attention, "catch!" With that she threw the bowl

of spicy dipping sauce at the leader, hitting him in the eyes. At the same time she drove her left

hand backwards, stabbing the gunman behind her in the leg with her unused fork.

"IT BURNS! ARG! GET THEM!" The leader screamed, holding his face.

Planting his hands on the table, Wu flipped upwards, taking his chair with him. It flew off his legs

and into the two gunmen behind the Banks. "Get out of here!" He shouted to everyone. To the

Banks he said, "Take care of my mother, please. She's all I've got."

Diners began to rush out even as Wu went into a fighting frenzy. Arms and legs flying. He used

anything that came to hand. Plates, cups, glasses, even chopsticks, managing to disarm the three

gunmen that rushed in after him. They were not to kill him, otherwise they'd never find the statue,

and one even said as much.

As for Pearl she had grabbed the gun from the gunman she had stabbed and used it to fend him off

as she ushered her parents and Chiu to the door. Her mother grabbed at Pearl's arm. Begging her

to go with them.

"No, someone has to help Wu now get out of here! Chiu, please take care of them! They're all

I've got." Pearl gave them all a gentle shove towards Chiu who dragged both of the Banks out

the door. Then Pearl rushed the bleeding gunman and smacked him upside the head with his own

gun. It was a bit of a jump to do so but Pearl managed by throwing her weight into the jump.

Unfortunately the blow caused a temporary numbness to Pearl's hand and she lost her hold on the

gun. In the shuffle of running diners she lost the gun permanently. Thankfully she had also

knocked the gunman senseless. So now there was just the other three to deal with for now.

Rushing across the room, Pearl jumped again and landed on the back of one, bearing him down

and smashing him on the floor. "Somedays," she grunted, "it pays to be fat!"

As she rolled off of him and got to her feet, Wu was still battling the other two. They had an

advantage being two instead of one. But Wu knew martial arts and also was to be kept alive so he

was doing alright fighting off their blows with a serving tray. Pearl moved to his side and grabbed

the arm of one as he tried to pull her out of the way. Though she had only taken one semester of

Aikido she had excelled at it and she swiftly executed the move that left the man with a numb

shoulder. Wu in the meantime had fought off his attacker and left him dizzy.

At that moment however three more men entered the room. Wu grabbed Pearl's hand and

dragged her to a window.

Now the dining room of the restaurant was on the 2nd floor. So Wu knew they were going to have

to jump and he told Pearl as much as they slipped onto the ledge.

"Are you crazy?!" Pearl said, "You jump, I've got my own escape plan." With that she grabbed a

hold of the gutter pipe and pulled hard. It gave a creaking sound and slowly started to break away

as Pearl hung on.

Wu watched her for a second and then jumped, landing on the canopy of the store across from

them and rolling off. As for Pearl she rode that gutter pipe into a pile of stuffed animals. She

jumped up and ran to Wu, already out of breath. "Go on, obviously it's you the want," she

gasped.

"And now you," Wu said, looking around he saw a delivery man pushing a rack full of clothing.

He pulled Pearl over, threw a wad of cash and then the clothing at the man, got Pearl to stand on

it and began to push. Running wildly into the street while Pearl clung to dear life to the metal pole

meant for hangers.

"I'm a comic book writer! Not a character!" Pearl shouted even as they barely missed being hit by

a truck. They knew there was more men behind them for they had seen them. Wu also knew Mac

spared no expense to get what he wanted. "If your mother thinks I'm going to marry you now

she's insane!" Suddenly Pearl let out a panic screamed followed by, "HILL! HILL!"

Wu jumped up on the rack with Pearl, putting one arm around her as they headed for a wild ride

downhill. Pearl hid her face in his chest and put one arm wildly tight around him. She screamed

into his chest as they rushed between cars at an insane speed. Wu felt an urge to become

Superman and fly her out of here. He tried to steer but it was no use. They kept going down the

hill, thru a stop light, and finally smashed into the side of a fire truck as it was turning left. They

both flew off the rack and into the side of the truck. Pearl was stunned but still had enough to

grab onto an extra ladder hanging from the side. Wu grabbed it as well and they clung to it and

each other until the turn was finished and the truck stopped - thankfully they were returning from

an emergency instead of heading towards one. They started questioning Wu and Pearl even as

they broke out a first aid kit and treated their bumps and bruises.

Wu was too upset to answer anything. Pearl, however, explained some men were trying to mug

them and they had escaped on the rack rather then face their guns. They had lost control. "We're

sorry about your truck, we'll help pay for any damages of course."

"Don't worry about it, ma'am," the chief said as he dabbed some iodine on a cut on her forehead,

smiling at her. "I always had a soft spot for redheads anyway." He winked at her. "Would've been

awfully sorry to hear about you being shot by some street trash, right men?"

The other firefighters agreed. After flirting with Pearl shamelessly, even though she seemed

completely unaware to it though she responded favorably all the same, the chief hailed them both

a cab and sent them towards the hospital.

"Get some X-rays, you might have some bruised or cracked bones," the chief said, touching

Pearl's face thru the cab's window. "And try to avoid the muggers."

"Thank you very much," Pearl said with a smile, then sighed in relief as they cab went on.

"He was flirting with you," Wu said, almost sounding jealous.

"Bah," Pearl dismissed the idea with a wave of her hand. "No one flirts with me. I'm too fat to

illicit any interest from men. He was just being nice."

"Yeah, whatever," Wu snorted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What happened?" Mac said as he looked at Joe and his bandaged eyes.

"Well, Wu's fiance...." Joe began.

"Wu's fiance?" Mac said, surprised. "I didn't even know Wu was dating. So she threw the sauce

in your eyes and stabbed one of my best men?"

Joe nodded. "Between her and Wu - well, we couldn't get them. They escaped on a clothing rack

- so the others tell me."

"Typical Wu." Mac grumbled. "Never can fight conventionally. Remind me to tell you about the

time he beat me up with a pair of knitting needles sometime. Right now however -" Walking over

to a painting of a beautiful nymph running thru the woods, Mac fell deep into thought. "We've

kidnaped Chiu before and are still recovering from her. Tell the others I want this fiance of Wu's."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lionel," Pearl grumbled, "I'm fine, I can do this standing up." Looking at her editor/publisher,

Pearl tried to get him to stop dragging the chair he had found in the back onto the stage. "I've

just got some bruised bones and a sprained wrist. I'm not an invalid."

"I don't understand how you came out so well when that Wu fellow had three broken ribs."

Lionel said as he finally gave in and left the chair in place.

Gently Pearl patted her bruised stomach and chest, both of which under her clothing were

wrapped up. "I have a lot more padding to protect my bones."

With her bandaged head and wrist Pearl was quickly assailed with "what happened to you"

questions. So for once instead of fielding questions about her comic Pearl found herself

enthralling her fans and non-fans alike with the tale of her adventure. Of course she repeated the

tale about the muggers, with a lot more flair, but also told about how his mother was insisting

they were meant to marry because of what a tea leaf reader said.

"So," one of her fans asked, "are you going to marry him?"

Pearl laughed, grimacing as it hurt. "As usual I'm probably going to offend a LOT of people,

including my publisher who's been married to his high school sweetheart for years now - but I

view marriage as a trap. You give up your privacy, your freedom, and for what? Nothing if you

ask me. You can't do anything you wish to do anymore, you have to report in for everything. It's

a waste."

This caused murmurs of course, but at least no one was shouting at her. Then a voice piped up.

One that sent a chill down Pearl's spine.

"Nonsense! Now come off that stage, we have a wedding dress fitting in a half hour." Chiu

started up the aisles, dragging the injured Wu behind her.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the crazy lady who would be my mother-in-law." Pearl motioned to Chiu

and shook her head. "For the last time, I'm NOT marrying your son! Not even if he was the last

man on earth! I need a man in my life like a fish needs a bicycle."

"So the fish wants to work on his saddlebags," Chiu replied. "Now come on, enough of this

foolishness."

"Look, Mrs. Wey, this is my job, these are my fans." Pearl motioned to the audience, "And I'm

not leaving this stage until my time is up."

"Um, Pearl," Lionel said as he walked on stage, looking sheepish, "your time is up."

Pearl's forehead smacked the mike as her hands took a white knuckled grip on the stand. "This is

SO not my day."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This is humiliating," Pearl complained as the dressmaker draped white satin over her bandaged

body. "I am not marrying him."

"Yes you are," Chiu said. "Especially after I had to put up with your bossy mother. I don't know

what your father sees in her."

"You're pretty bossy yourself," Pearl snapped. "And you know that a daughter almost always

ends up like the mother."

Chiu chuckled. "That's what I'm hoping for, he needs someone to get him to settle down. Now

get dressed and let's pick out patterns."

Sighing heavily, Pearl got dressed. "I'm still not marrying him. I don't want to marry someone

who has guns pointed at him on a daily basis."

"It's not a daily basis," Chiu retorted, flipping thru the book. "Look, Wu is a good boy. It's just

that.... Years ago the Wey family had a fortune in jade. For centuries we had many, many jade

figures that were carved by master craftsmen in the Wey family. Then one day a man came along,

a very bad man, and he stole the entire collection from us." A heavy sigh escaped Chiu and

suddenly she looked so old and frail. "Little by little Wu has been stealing it back. Now he's got

the most important piece, the last piece, and Machiavelli would do anything to get it back just to

have one up on Wu." Taking Pearl's hand, Chiu traced her fingers over the jade dragon ring. "Wu

never really knew his father. When he wasn't off on business he was too busy trying to get me

pregnant again to pay attention to Wu. And then he died and I had to bring Wu here because his

father's family wanted to take him away from me. Here they couldn't touch us. But Wu's heritage

is important to him. When he found out that Machiavelli had the jade carvings he became

determined to get them back."

Pearl couldn't argue with that, still, gently she said, "Look, it seems like I misjudged Wu in that,

but I don't want to marry him and I can see every time I look into his eyes he doesn't want to

marry me either." A heavy sigh escaped her. "His eyes scream it - "My mother wants me to marry

this fat pig?!" He wants to escape this as much as I do. Besides, today my parents are flying home

and tomorrow I fly back to Costa Mesa too. I won't be back up to Northern California until the

next comic book convention." Looking at Chiu, Pearl answered the unasked questions. "You saw

my mother for yourself. Yes, dad's allowed to lose his temper once in awhile, but other then that

he's firmly under mom's thumb. Each year I see him getting more and more submissive to her,

weaker and weaker. Either he's submitting to her instantly or he's falling for her crocodile tears.

Granted, mom hasn't had a happy life. Grandma's step-mother beat grandma, then grandma beat

mom, and then mom's first husband beat her until he left her for an 18 year old, then, while it

wasn't as severe or frequently as grandma's beatings - I mean, I was never thrown down cellar

steps and locked down there in the dead of winter with nothing on but panties - mom did beat me.

Every time she slammed my head into a wall, every time she smacked me across the face, I swore

I'd never marry, never have children. I'd never let anyone else suffer that. Oh I love my mother,

the beatings were maybe once every three years and the rest of the time she's very supportive and

loving - but I don't want to marry and end up like her or trapped like my father. Submissiveness is

fine in bed, but in the rest of life people have got to be able to stand up for themselves and say

no."

Chiu took Pearl's hand, "Your fears, they sound a lot like my husband's fears. He told me many

of the same things. But people can over-come their past and their upbringing if they really want

to. Pearl, child, you'll be good for Wu. Look how you both have already risked your lives for

each other. And besides," Chiu said, digging her fingers back into Pearl's ribs and giving her a

brief but vicious tickle, "if you ever get out of hand he can always tickle you."

Pearl wondered if Chiu knew about her little fetish and the stories she wrote about it. Probably.

After all, Pearl's fans and detractors both knew. "Chiu, you know I'm bisexual, right? I mean,

would it be fair to Wu if while I'm with him I'm fantasizing about some woman I saw in the

grocery store?"

Softly, very softly, Chiu whispered to Pearl, "Child, I'm bisexual too. Often my husband and I did

have another woman in the bed. Just with her we always took precautions so she wouldn't get

pregnant and I would. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's how we were born."

"Aw," a man's voice rang out. He was a big man with longish black hair and brown eyes. With his

ham-like hand he wiped a non-existent tear from his eye and then placed it over his heart. "What a

touching family moment. Well, time for me to break it up." From inside his jacket he brought out

a gun and aimed it at the women. "Chiu, it would be a pleasure to kidnap you again," the sarcasm

was heavy in his voice, "but I'm afraid I'm here for Pearl this time."

"You know," Pearl said, looking to Chiu as she secretly grabbed up a pair of scissors, "one day

you'll have to tell me what you did to these guys."

Grinning, Chiu said, "I made it so many of them will never have children."

"Ouch!" Pearl chuckled, standing she headed for the guy with the gun, still hiding the scissors.

When she got close enough her hand, the one with the sprained wrist, lashed out, looking to stab

the gun hand. Instead her wrist was painfully caught in his free hand and the scissors dropped

from numbed fingers.

"Next time, Pearl dear, try not to do that in front of a mirror." The bad guy spun her around and

jammed the gun into her back. "Chiu, give my regards to your son." With that he led Pearl out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chiu was trying to calm down a terrified Mrs. Banks on the speaker phone while Wu suited up.

He flinched when he heard Mrs. Banks' sobs. And from the sudden authoritative/manipulative

tone of Mrs. Banks' voice Wu saw a whole new side of the Banks' marriage.

"I can't believe that my little girl is gone!" Mrs. Banks sobbed. "This is all the fault of your

monster of a son!"

"My son," Chiu hissed, "is not a monster!"

"Oh right, that's why men with guns chase him!" Mrs. Banks snapped back. "He's probably

involved in drugs!"

"Enough!" Wu shouted at both his mother and Mrs. Banks. "I'm going to get her back. And Mrs.

Banks, go see a shrink. You obviously are messed up in the head with those crocodile tears!"

With that Wu slammed his hand on the disconnect and headed for the door.

Behind him, Chiu smiled and whispered, "I think a June wedding would be perfect...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's such a pleasure to meet you, Miss Banks," Mac said, propping one leg on the edge of his

desk. "I'd ask for an autograph," with that he held up the latest issue of Pearl's comic book, "but

I see your hands are tied."

"Ha ha, that was SO funny," Pearl said with heavy sarcasm. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at

the pale man before her. "Black really isn't your color."

Mac snorted. "Like you have any right to judge my taste? You who are a living ad for Wal-

Mart?"

"Nothing wrong with Wal-Mart clothes." Now her voice was slightly defensive. "One rarely gets

rich writing comic books, you know."

With a smile Mac bowed a little. "Of course, forgive me. Not all are as fortunate as me. I forget

myself." With a bit of affected snobbery, he lit a cigar and took a deep puff. "Anyway, let's

change the subject to something more entertaining, like your fiance for example."

"He's not my fiance!" Pearl snapped. "And would you put that thing out? I really do not want to

die from your second hand smoke."

Mac blew his next puff on the giant coffin nail into Pearl's face. Delighting in listening to her

cough. "Well, fiance or not, he'll be here to try and save you. He's honorable. A terrible trait."

Shaking his head, Mac continued to puff on the cigar. "Of course he and I both know this is a

trap. Been there, done that. This time however it's you who's the bait rather then his," Mac

shuddered, "mother. You know I'm still repairing the fire damage to my dining room?"

Snorting, Pearl said, "You're SO predictable, Mac. You're the stereotypical villain right down to

the shoes. Of course with a name like Machiavelli your parents were probably hoping for a bad

guy for a son."

Mac stabbed his cigar into the ashtray like the dagger he'd dearly love to drive into Pearl's

bountiful chest. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Well, since you're dying anyway - My name's not

Machiavelli."

Raising her eyebrows, Pearl asked, "What is it?"

The first time he muttered it, but when pressed Mac sighed out, "Bernard MacDonald."

A laugh bubbled in Pearl's throat but she swallowed it. "Bernard MacDonald? You're not even

Italian?!"

"I am too!" Mac declared, "Well, 1/18th." He suddenly seemed a little deflated. "Machiavelli

sounds so much more evil. Would you ever name a bad guy Bernard? The kids in school use to

tease me something awful.... Bad enough to be an albino, but also named Bernard?"

"Oh boo hoo!" Pearl snapped. "You think you were picked on? Even in college people threw

food at me and mooed or oinked! Add to that being bisexual, white, and a Christian - that's right,

Christian, don't look at me like that, being bi doesn't make me an atheist - and you've got the

most picked on woman in Southern California!"

Mac looked at Pearl for a moment. Then shook his head. "I should've gagged you."

"You should've made something of your life instead of being a common scum bag crook." Pearl

replied.

For this a glass of brandy was thrown in her face. Mac roared for his guards and Pearl was

dragged out, chair and all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wu had seen and heard all from his little hiding space behind the wall of Mac's office. An old

building, there was just enough space between walls for him to slide thru. Dust and rotting

insulation at first caused him to long to sniffle and sneeze. Since the first time he found it though

he had taken to wearing a disposable mask as one would wear when mixing cement or using a

power saw on wood and a small pair of goggles meant usually for people who worked with

chemicals. He had dug a small hole next to a large painting. Actually there were several holes in

this spot in a row. The first seven right behind the painting and the last next to the frame. Wu

hadn't wanted to damage the painting as he knew it had been stolen from an old man - it had been

painted by his son who died in Vietnam war and losing it caused the old man to die from grief.

Wu vowed one day he'd steal it back and give it to the old man's granddaughter. She had been, of

course, the product between a liaison between the son and a Vietnamese woman. Unlike most

soldiers, however, the son had taken responsibility for the child born of this forbidden union and

sent the child and mother to live in America with his father. Now the mother and grandfather were

both dead and the daughter was alone in the world - well, except for her lover, Christine.

Now knowing the history of the painting one would wonder why Mac would bother with a

painting by an unknown dead man. Well, it was just that Mac wanted it. And what Mac wanted

Mac got. Worthless or valuable.

Dismissing the thoughts of the daughter from his mind, Wu thought about Pearl's situation and

how he'd get her out of this. He stepped back from the hole and moved slowly thru the narrow

passage.

As Wu moved down the passage he accidently stepped on the tail of a rat. The rat screeched and

tried to bite him. Wu swiftly kicked the rat out of the way.

Unfortunately for Wu on the other side of the wall was a very large ex-pro wrestler who was

trying to take a nap. He was angry to be woken up and his fist slammed thru the drywall and

plaster just inches in front of Wu's nose. Yanking his arm free, the wrestler - wearing very large,

custom made teddy bear pyjamas and a sleeping cap - ripped out the majority of the wall. Wu

gave him a tiny wave just before the wrestler pulled him out of the wall.

"You interrupted my nap!" He snarled at Wu, his breath hot and having that rancid just woke up

smell.

"Sorry," Wu stammered, wishing his feet weren't three feet off the ground. His goggles and mask

had been knocked all askew. Removing the former his eyes opened wide. "Hey! Aren't you Steel

Rock? Oh man when I was a kid I use to fantasize about being you. Could I have your

autograph?" Wu was partway telling the truth, but he was also hoping to charm the washed-up

wrestler into putting him down.

"How about I autograph your face?!" As Steel pulled back his fist two men came in.

"Yo, Maurice! What's going on in here? We could hear the rumpus all the way in the.... GOOD

GOD!" The man exclaimed as he saw Wu. "Oh man! You are SO gonna get rewarded for

capturing Wu!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pearl blinked as the water drop hit her face. Tied to the floor, she snarled. "Chinese water torture!

Can you get more stereotyped?! God, even most non-talented comic book writer wouldn't use

this! They'd know better!"

"Heck," Wu said as he turned his head a bit to look at Pearl, "it's not even the real thing. Mac's

just too lazy to look it up."

The both Pearl and Wu were tied with their arms above their heads and their ankles tied together

below them so they were stretched out as if on a rack. The room they were in was damp and

smelly and above their heads were two water faucets turned on just enough that they could watch

the drops form and fall on their faces.

"Figures." Pearl sighed heavily. "What a dork. Though I have to admit -" she paused as another

drop hit her face, "it's really getting on my nerves."

"Just take your mind off of it," Wu said, enduring another drop in the face. "Though I don't know

how."

Pearl paused in thought, then with a grin she began to sing, "Fish heads, fish heads, rolly-poly fish

heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!"

At first Wu didn't know what Pearl was doing, then with a grin as she sang the chorus of the

Barnes & Barnes song, he joined in with the rest. "In the morning laughing, happy fish heads. In

the evening, floating in the soup...."

For awhile they were able to distract themselves with comical songs. Pearl had a really great

voice. Wu really couldn't sing well at all but at least he wasn't thinking as much about the water

dripping in his face or the pressure in his bladder from the dripping water. When they got thru

their tribute to Weird Al they laughed.

"That was strangely fun," Pearl chuckled, "kind of like hanging with your mother. Though I have

to admit if I have to listen to her ideas of sex anymore I'll scream!"

Taking a deep breath, and coughing because just then a drop of water fell into his open mouth,

Wu said, "Before she met my father, my mother was a prostitute. That's why my mom is so open

about sex and why my paternal grandparents wanted to take me away from her. So she came to

America and became a stripper." There was a pause, "She loved my father, more then anything.

She never was with another man after him. Women yes, but she never loved them or stayed with

them for long. Still, she did everything could to make sure I had a good life. The best education."

"Sounds like a very special mom." Pearl endured another drop of water. "Don't get me wrong, I

love mine, she's done a lot for me too, but I hate how she treats my father when we're at home.

His outburst of temper is a rare thing. Still, they've been very supportive. Even help pay for

promotional stuff for my comic book though they dislike the main character."

They talked like this for awhile. Getting to know each other, cracking jokes. No one came to get

them, of course Pearl could see the cameras watching them, waiting for them to crack.

"You know, Pearl, you're something else," with a grin, Wu turned his head to look at her. "You

want to get married?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Pearl grinned back. "It could be fun, being married to you. Lord knows

my parents wouldn't end up tied up in a dank basement."

"That does it!" Mac said as he entered the room. "Enough of this happy sappy crap! Wu, tell me

where the statue is," taking a gun from his jacket he aimed it at Pearl, "or your cow of a fiance

dies."

"Moo!" Pearl said just before her feet came up and knocked the gun from Mac's hand. All the

time they had been talking and singing, Pearl had found that the cement had been weaken from the

dampness. With a little squirming she had been able to pull her spikes free - somedays it paid off

to be over weight as it was her extra weight that helped her get the spikes out. While she couldn't

jump to her feet, at least she bought some time.

Wu had noticed the same thing but despite how strong he was he didn't have the extra leverage

that Pearl had. Plus he was injured still. Pearl's act allowed him the few seconds he needed to free

his spikes from the floor. Wincing in pain as he jumped to his bound feet.

Tied up or not, broken bones or not, Wu still managed to wail on Mac. Spinning on his bound

feet and wacking Mac upside the head with the bound hands. The spike lashing around and

striking the back of Mac's head and cutting the scalp. Meanwhile Pearl had managed to get her

hands untied by working at the knot with her teeth. She was right in the middle of freeing her feet

when Mac's men came in. In a frantic half-dive half-crawl, Pearl got Mac's gun and shot at the

light bulbs in the ceiling. It was sheer luck, but she managed to knock the entire place into

darkness.

Wu felt a soft, warm hand grab his, then the ropes loosened. There was a warm kiss on his cheek

that sent tingles down his spine and then he could feel as the heat of Pearl's body moved down his

legs and the ropes around his ankles came free. They tried to get past the bad guys, barreling thru

them in the darkness towards the light at the top of the stairs. Hand in hand they fought their way

up the stairs.

"I feel like I'm in some bad action flick," Pearl commented. "We're getting shot at and still we

manage to get past the bad guys unharmed."

"Jackie Chan eat your heart out," Wu joked as he kicked a bad guy back down into the darkness,

knocking back the ones following including Mac.

Of course at the top of the stairs were more of Mac's hired goons, including Steel Rock. Wu

paused for a moment. Unsure what to do. He knew first hand how strong Steel was.

Pearl however didn't know. At some point she had tied the two spikes from her ropes together

and now swung them around like some weird cross between nunchakus and bolos. She launched

them and they wrapped around Steel's throat. While he was distracted Wu grabbed up a tiny table

and used it to battle with the men and Steel. Amazingly he was able to knock the guns faster from

their hands then they could shoot. Unfortunately, the table smashed to pieces against Steel's

massive chest. He grabbed Wu by the throat and lifted him up in the air.

"Wu! Split kick!" Pearl shouted to her choking fiance.

Now Wu of course wanted to ask her if she was crazy, but instead both his legs lashed out to

either side, catching one bad guy and sending him thru the door and down the basement stairs.

The other slammed into a wall and was knocked out. While he did that Pearl kicked Steel right in

his groin.

The massive wrestler dropped Wu and curled up into a tiny ball, clutching himself and

whimpering.

Pearl slammed the basement door closed and then grabbed Wu and ran. There was nothing to

block the door with and Pearl was already out of breath, but she pushed on despite her own

problems. Wu took over the lead and took Pearl up the stairs. Now it was Pearl who wanted to

ask if Wu was crazy. But she didn't have the breath to.

She didn't know when but at some point they burst out onto the roof. Awaiting them was a

helicopter. A black man leaned out and shouted at them to hurry up.

They were almost in as Mac and the others came rushing out to the roof top. Mac fired and Pearl

stumbled. Losing her footing even as the copter started to raise up into the air. Wu held onto one

of her hands while her other clung to the landing bar. Blood stained her side. Another shot caught

her in the shoulder. She let go of Wu's hand and nearly dislocated her other shoulder when she

came to a jerking halt as they were flying off. Yet somehow she managed to grabbed back on and

with Wu's help she was dragged into the copter.

Blood was everywhere. There was a deep wound in Pearl's side near her liver. "Arnie...." Wu

said, his face drained of blood.

"Hold on, man," Arnie said, "changing course for the hospital." Arnie grabbed for the radio even

as he turned the copter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The saw cut thru the last section of the frame, just stopping short of the painting. The right side

and part of the bottom of the frame fell away and the painting slid out easily. It was placed into a

long black bag. The saw was placed in another bag.

"Good job, Mrs. Wey," Wu said to his wife, giving her a kiss even though he was upside down.

Smiling, Pearl kissed him back. "Thank you, Mr. Wey." Giving her rope a light tug she sent

herself back up. Wu followed suit.

Up the roof Mac was already waiting. His latest thing now was to wear red. Everything was red.

His silk shirt, his jeans, his shoes. He even had a ring made of red jade carved in the shape of a rat,

the year he was born in.

"This time you two aren't getting away." Mac said, pulling forth his gun. Behind Wu and Pearl

several more people popped up with more guns. "Now hand over that painting."

"It's going to the artist's daughter, like it or not," Wu said even as a familiar sound started to fill

the air. With a grin to his wife he nodded.

The smoke bombs launched out of both of Pearl's hands, one landing at the feet of Mac and the

other in front of the men behind them. As they both grabbed and started climbing the ladder

dropped down to them, Pearl called out, "Good night, Bernard!"

Wu gave his wife's butt a pinch. "Get up that ladder, woman, and stop flirting with the bad guys!"

With a giggle Pearl finished climbing up the rope. Inside of course was Arnie, but in the back seat

where tourists normally sat was Chiu. "Mom!" Wu exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

Chiu gave her son and daughter-in-law a stern looks. "We're going to the tea leaf reader! I want

to know when I can expect my first grandchild!"

~~The End~~