AN: Geez this one’s long O.o;; I made it longer because they had more things to work out . And because I couldn't think of a ‘first scene snippet’ thingy for them. Everything happens in the main plotline, so you can check out your snippet there I guess P A note about Kael: Yea, he seems different in this one. Remember, his heart’s been broken for more than three weeks at this point, and he spent nearly all of that time alone, torturing himself. He doesn’t do well when he’s doing nothing but thinking. Understatement . it’s a completely depressing downward spiral thingy. He loves with his all, and if that fails, he starts questioning stuff. So his new behaviour is completely based on the fact that he’s been all alone for more than three weeks, completely shattered, with nothing to do but ponder where he went wrong, what he did, what sully did, etc etc. It wears down on him, and the result is in the story below. And, it doesn’t really end happy for them yet. It’s beginning to lighten up, but kael’s got problems. But don’t worry The proper happy ending he deserves will be in the main plotline. Cheers! Read, enjoy, and please review!!

Kael’s POV

I finally ventured out of my room when threatened with my parents. Actually, I was surprised the school cared. My parents certainly didn’t. The teachers didn’t go into detail when they spoke through the firmly shut door, but the sympathy and pity in their tones was quite clear.

I don’t mind though. Not really. I’m used to it by now.

I left my room late that night, well after lights out, hoping against hope that I wouldn’t see anyone who knew me. I don’t want to handle their pity and false compassion right now.

I especially didn’t want to deal with his scorn.

Why is it that I always run into people I don’t want to meet?

He stopped on sight, his eyes wide and somewhat surprised. I avoided his gaze once wariness crossed his features. I knew it would happen. How could I fight against that?

He greeted me quietly. I returned the sentiment. And then he walked right past me.

Ouch. I battled back tears. I couldn’t really cry anymore, I had run out of tears. I didn’t particularly care if anyone saw me.

I was empty inside. The one thing in the entire world I wanted, needed, and it denied itself from me. Rejected me. Am I so pathetic? My chest was cold inside, so tight it hurt.

And I didn’t care anymore. I couldn't. If he didn’t care, then there could not be anything to care about. If he doesn’t think I’m worth it, then it’s not possible that I am.

If he thinks I’m pathetic, then it must be the truth.

I walked. I walked through the hallways of the school, vaguely wondering if he had been on his way to someone else’s bed… But only wondering through a misty white haze, a kind of fogged up mind.

The one prevailing thought was…

Even though I try so hard… Why aren't I worth it? What’s so wrong with me that he can't imagine saying yes?

I walked the entire night, but no answer came.

Sully’s POV

It must have been about three weeks since the first night he left his room, that I began wondering what he did on those long nightly walks. I don’t think he actually goes to classes during the day. I’m positive he doesn’t eat regularly with the rest of us in the dining hall. And I’m sure he’s chronically depressed now.

Well, yea, all right. So I knew that already. But fuck, I thought he’d be improving by now. Most of the broken hearts I meet only take a few days.

And shit, his eyes…

Every time I pass him in the hallways during one of his midnight walks, he avoids my eyes. And yet still, his eyes manage to beg me. And I hope I’m wrong…

Fuck, I’m not particularly religious, but I pray I’m wrong; because in his eyes, his broken, shattered eyes, he has a death wish.

It didn’t seem like he cared anymore, last time I saw him. He wouldn’t mind if he collapsed right there. And shit, I don’t think the teachers know either, and while they might do something about it, I’m not so sure they’d do the right thing. They’re a bunch of adults paid to care about us. All right, I know some are more; some really do care, but still…

I can see what he needs. Hell, I know what he needs.

I’m not willing to give it…

Or maybe I’m too willing to give it…

But if I had to choose…

The brat dying would be fucking last on what is hopefully a long long list.

Kael’s POV

I was contemplating what other people had that he wanted that I didn’t as I shut my door that night. I was surprised, to say the least, of seeing him leaning on the wall across the hallway.

He looked up from studying his feet as I stepped out, and stood up straight, supporting his own weight. He didn’t even bother with greetings this time, he just asked when the last time I’d slept was.

I told him the truth. I guess it wasn’t a good answer, because he swore reasonably quietly and grabbed my arm, marching me back into my dorm again. I, needless to say, followed willingly. I’d follow him anywhere.

God, I really must be pathetic enough to lose his interest. I wonder if that’s why he…?

He shoved me on my bed, and told me roughly to lie down. I told him I didn’t want to have sex tonight.

He looked frankly disgusted. Was I really that bad? It hurt, a dull stinging ache that I couldn't quite repress. Had he left me because I was so bad in bed? I suppose he might have… I would have tried harder if he had told me he hadn't liked it, honest I would have…

He sat down next to me and covered my eyes with his hand, telling me to close my eyes. His voice was alarmingly gentle, and I wondered why. I must have said something then, because he sighed and shifted his weight, lifting his hand from my face so he could get more comfortable. He said I needed to sleep before I collapsed in exhaustion. He told me it wasn’t my fault. That it was him who needed to work things out with himself. That I had been fine; more than fine, wonderful. He said it was his fault.

Bull. Shit.

Sully’s POV

It was fairly obvious that he didn’t believe a word of it. He scowled for the first time in weeks. Lately he had been wearing a dazed, kind of vacant expression that still somehow managed to break my heart.

Fuck, I did not just say that.

Anyway, there was a flicker of outrage just behind the dead expression in his eyes, ad I aimed for that. Maybe all he needed was a good blow up and he’d forget about me. Shit, I hoped so.

I think.

I said some more shit like I’d been saying, surprisingly meaning it, and that flicker grew to a flash, which exploded right in my face.

And fuck, has that boy got a temper. He backed me into the corner, yelling and screaming, almost hissing like a wronged mountain cat, or a woman scorned, but the thing was…

The thing was, it wasn't my character or behaviour he was ripping to shreds, which I had well expected; hell, I deserved it.

It was his own.

When he finally seemed to register my own shocked expression, because I had honestly no idea that he was that full of self-loathing, he quieted down and backed away, looking at the floor. Tears splashed on the carpet.

I asked if he was all right. Of course I cared! Really, I did. Too much, probably, but the hard thing would be to convince him of the fact.

He told he was fine, and asked me to leave. His voice was choked and strangled with suppressed sobs.

I ignored the request that was little more than a beg, and hugged him. Fuck, he needed it, and if it helped, I would do it. I couldn't leave him like this.

Hell, what do you think I am? Besides… One blow up obviously wasn't going to be enough.

He froze in my arms.

Kael’s POV

Shit. I can only clearly remember one thought running through my head, and that was, quite honestly: Shit!

The rest I can remember is merely a simple: !!

I was shocked. Stunned, more like. He was holding me. Hell, he was kissing my hair and burying his face in it! He wasn't supposed to do that. He shouldn’t have been doing anything like that remotely near me. It was a pity hug, nothing good for me, and especially not for him. Hell, I was bad for him, everything inside of me told me that.

And then he began talking into my hair, his breath warm against my head, his body hot against mine, where it was pressed tightly. And he was just holding me. Nothing more.

I listened to his soothing voice in my hair, telling me a story, and I melted against his heat, basking in it, pulling it around me.

And all the while he talked. He explained things, things that I still didn’t believe, but with him holding me like that, I could feel that old, glowing warmth begin to crack the freezing pain in my chest.

And I pulled away. Because he couldn't possibly mean any of it.

He looked annoyed briefly, then his expression softened, and he came forward again, although this time he didn’t hug me. He made me lie down on the bed again.

He covered my eyes with his hands. He sat down on my bed next to me, and leant down, and my heart clenched, because the next minute he was singing.

It was only a stupid lullaby, I think, but it mentioned all the things I longed for from in and was guaranteed never to get.

He carried on singing, something he’s never actually down for me before, quietly, softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

I don’t know when he stopped. I tried to stay awake until he did, but it was calm, and soothing, and as stupid as it may sound, it acted like a balm. And I took all the comfort I could get. After all…

I didn’t know when he’d bother to do it again.

Sully’s POV

His breathing deepened and slowed about three quarters of the way through the song. I don’t often sing. It’s not wonderfully talented or anything. Apparently, going on other people’s word, I’m good…

But how I sing is rubbish compared to how I paint, so I don’t do it often. I only did it now to get him to sleep. Honestly.

I lifted my hand smoothly, careful not to linger any touches that might wake him up again, and frowned to see teartracks. I hadn't felt them before. I briefly wondered if he was asleep, but he shifted slightly and gave a little sigh, and that was all the confirmation I needed.

If he was faking it, he was a good faker. And even if he was, at least he was relaxing his body. If you can't make them sleep, make them relax completely. It’s almost as good, and the chances are that it would progress naturally into sleep.

I settled down on the bed across the room to watch him. I had some of my own thinking to do, and I needed to take everything into account.

Everything.

Kael’s POV

I don’t remember falling asleep. I remember waking up. He was lying on the bed across the room… And he looked gorgeous.

I wandered over there just to look, you know, just to marvel that he had actually let me be with him for even a short while… Had let such a fool love him.

How could I not?

Tentatively, I touched his shoulder.

He opened his eyes immediately, and looked up at me, his eyes narrowing in what couldn't possibly be concern. For me? I don’t deserve it.

He sighed loudly, and sat up, eyeing me searchingly. And then he told me if I’d like another try. That he had worked stuff out, and he was going to be dedicated solely to me.

I would have accused him of lying, partly because he couldn't change overnight, and partly because why would he want to be stuck with me… But the one thing he’s never done to me is lie.

It wouldn’t be like him to start now.

At first, I told him no.

He asked me why, rather calmly. It was as if he were expecting it.

And I told him. Equally truthfully, because he was open with me, and I told him I didn’t think he wanted me.

Then he just plain looked annoyed and swore at me. He was being perfectly honest, he said, and if I didn’t deserve him then he definitely didn’t deserve me.

I thought about this for a moment, and then nodded. It was a good a start as any, and I was dazedly ecstatic that he wanted me back.

I might be able to do it right this time.

Oh God, I hope so. I hope so.

Sully’s POV

I was relieved when he finally did accept. It had taken me a while, but I suppose the brat is too adorable not to keep forever. All right, so it might be a fucking tall order, but I’m going to try. Heaven knows I was perfectly happy with him when we were together. I suppose all that’s changed now is that the commitment is there forever. Or as close to forever as we can get.

Yea. This shit’s still scary. But he’s worth it. I guess we can work at it together.

The only thing that bothers me is how much he hates himself now… and how much he adores me.

I’m happy he likes me, loves me, but that kind of slavish adoration isn’t right. Hell, it’s not healthy.

I hope we can fix it.

Fuck.