Turn to Brown

"Hey, Cody." The redhead turned to regard her. She shifted her feet, making noises in the fallen leaves like crumpling newspaper. She looked down after a moment. "Yeah, I know. I just wanted to. . . I don't know what I wanted, I guess. It's just. . ." She sighed. "Can we just take a walk?" The boy blinked. "You don't have to talk to me, or even listen to me. I just want to walk."

"I. . ." He ran a hand through his hair. "I guess."

"Thanks, Cody." He turned and started rustling his way through the park again. She jogged to catch up. "Why do you come out here, anyway?"

He thought for a moment. "It's honest," he said finally. "It's just what it looks like, nothing else. Just trees and leaves and water and grass."

She smiled sadly, and picked up a leaf. She spun it by the stem, humming.

"Why did you come back, Jess?"

"I guess it was because there was too much stuff I'd left unfinished here. Too much left behind." Cody looked away. They kept walking. " 'And they wither with the wind. . .' "

"What're you singing?"

"Just an old song. Autumn always makes me remember that song." She crushed the leaf, and dropped it. "I'm sorry, Cody."

"You promised me. You said you'd never leave me alone."

"We were kids, Cody."

"Does 'never' mean something different when you grow up? I guess I'm still a kid, then."

"Look, Cody, things. . . change sometimes. Some things have to change." He didn't answer. "I heard about your father."

"Yeah."

"You're living with Mom and Dad now?" He nodded. She hesitated before asking, "Who was it? That you told."

"A teacher." She nodded. Cody stopped on a little wooden foot bridge, and stared glumly over the side. "Your parents don't like me."

"They don't like anybody."

"No, it's. . . I think they don't know what to do with me. They still half-want to blame me for the whole thing. They ignore me, mostly."

"Lucky you," Jess muttered. Cody flushed angrily. "No, I didn't mean it like that. I just wish they would have ignored me more often, instead of trying to run my whole life."

He picked a splinter from the bridge's railing, and tossed it into the water. "Everyone knows now, you realize. Everyone knows everything in this town. It was bad, before, but at least I could forget, sometimes. Now I'm always being reminded. Every time someone looks at me, and their eyes look like. . ."

"I'm sorry, Cody," she cut him off, "I really am. But I needed to find my own life."

"One without some stupid kid following you around?"

"That's not fair, Cody. I always wanted you in my life. You're my favorite cousin."

He grinned reluctantly at the old joke. "I'm your only cousin." They started walking again. "Who is he?"

"What?"

"The guy who gave you that necklace. What's his name?"

She blushed. "Um. . . it's a girl, actually. Her name's Carol."

"Oh. Is she pretty?"

"Beautiful."

"Good. I'm glad."

She tucked the thin chain back into her shirt. "I'm sorry, Cody."

He smile was bright, and slightly false. "For what? It was just a stupid crush. I was eleven."

Jess watched him for a moment. "You'll be okay, Cody." He jerked his head away.

"I. . ."

"You will. You're strong enough. Stronger than me."

"No, I'm not. You've always been the tough one."

"You were younger, and you always had it harder than me. But I think if it had been the other way around, you. . . you'd have stayed." Cody didn't know how to answer that. "You'll be okay."

"You don't have to see them. You don't have to watch people look at you and think "victim" or "unclean" or. . ."

"No. But in the end those people don't matter, because they're other people. They're not you."

"I knew that, I guess. At least, it's not people's faces that keep me awake at night." She didn't ask the obvious question, just waited for him to continue. It took a little while. "When I lie awake, I'm thinking - I know it's stupid, but. . . I'm thinking that my dad's in jail, and I put him there. I don't owe him anything, certainly not love, or remorse. I hate him. I hate him!" The empty park seemed to echo for a moment with his shout. "I hate him," he whispered. "But I still can't sleep.

"This is what we always wanted, isn't it? Ever since that day you caught him t-touching me, and your mom wouldn't believe you, we kept hoping someone would find out, would believe us, would make him s-s-stop. And it happened, finally, and they did make him stop, and now I'm sorry? I don't. . . I don't. . ."

Jess held him against her shoulder. "Oh, Cody. Oh, Cody. You'll be okay. Shh." Looking past him, she watched the wind tumble leaves out of the trees, and sang softly into his ear.

". . .and they never made a sound. . ."

* * * * *

Author's Note

Ah, the angst strikes again. I gave up trying to work out plots and just started writing; a song popped into my head (the same song Jess is singing, from whence the chapter title comes, "Leaves That Are Green" by Simon & Garfunkel), then the autumn park appeared, and then dialogue, and finally I learned what the backstory was for these two and the story happened. A lot of my best stuff happens that way, and it's a fun way to write, but it doesn't work for anything long. I've always wanted to finish something long.