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All I could do was watch her. I observed her in her routines, sympathized with her tears, and felt her loneliness keenly. She had a worst time of it than I did, but only because she let it get to her. I didn't give a damn about what anyone thought. I watched her suffer and I watched her endure it all.
She is looking forward to our eighth grade trip. She and her BFF are rooming together, chatting excitedly about what they'll see and what they'll do. All of a sudden, her BFF comes to her. She's found people to room with them, she says, but one of them won't room unless the girl isn't included. She wants this girl to like her, and asks if it will hurt her feelings.
Oh no, the girl replies, no, I'll find someone else to room with. She can't, though. There's no one that she knows with an empty slot. She ends up rooming with complete strangers and feeling sad. She tries to sit alone on the bus, but the chaperones make her sit with a boy she doesn't know. She's miserable.
She spends the trip in a blur, following a group but staying on its outer edge. That's all she ever does, really, is stay on the peripheral of everything. The boys she's with tease her mercilessly, and she's enraged. If only she saw that they were only teasing to make her smile.
After the trip, she's back at school. She's scared of high school. Her BFF tells her not to worry, that during high school everything is different. No one's popular. It's a big school; you don't have to see those you don't want to. Shortly thereafter, her BFF gets mad and refuses to talk to her anymore. She feels like she's alone.
She plays her viola and writes at home, never even venturing outside for the breezes that she used to love. She has exactly two close friends, by her count, and everyone else is either an acquaintance or a stranger. I'm not surprised that I don't get a designation.
I don't see her at eighth grade graduation. She's had enough of seeing shallow people and their shallow ideals. She's convinced her family to vacation a few days early. I don't see her for the remainder of the summer.
The first day of high school, I wake up from the haze. I get dressed, not paying attention to what I wear. It's not like anyone cares or bothers to notice. Eat a little cereal, grab my pack, get ready to walk out into the world.
I see the girl step out, same time as me. She's different. She's more confident, more sure of herself, calm and collected and ready to forget that she ever went to middle school. This is a girl on the right path and she knows it. Nothing can faze her and she can handle anything.
She gets on the bus, sits up front. She's quiet during the ride, taking in this new life she's determined to have for herself. She ignores those she doesn't care to notice and gets off to feel her way through this big building. Her steps are sure and she blends effortlessly into this new life. She nods and smiles at random people, unknowingly making a few peoples' days better.
I see her get a feel for her teachers, for the way things are done. She's polite and courteous, seeking out people who look friendly. She sees her few friends and waves hello, determined to add them to this new bunch that she intends to have as friends.
I see her in orchestra, admired by all for her skill. Her years of lonely afternoons have paid off, and it's clear that she's one of the best. No one is angry at her or jealous, they simply want to learn from her. Her music sounds happy again. It permeates her surroundings and all her positive emotions flow into it, giving her world a burst of sunshine.
She meets a boy in her English class, a writer like her. They find that they have an interest in the same cartoon and that they both write fanfiction with the characters. He introduces her to his friends from middle school. This eccentric bunch reaches out and grabs her, sheltering her and befriending her.
I watch her become close friends with them, finally having a family that loves her and appreciates her. As she goes through high school, she moves out of my niche and into theirs. Everyone she's friends with adores her. They value her opinion and turn to her for advice.
I see her as I pull out of my driveway in the mornings, dreamily getting into her own car. She sees the world through her rose-tinted glasses again, but she sees the reality of it as well. She goes through her day excelling in all subjects, laughing and talking with her immense group of friends. She's happy where she is, happy to be amongst people who are the best people she can be around.
As I get into my car at the end of the day, I instinctively look for her. She's there, leaning against her car, talking to a boy I haven't seen her with before. Her eyes are large and her smile's wide. He's telling her that he loves her, everything about her. She's blushing and he grins as he realizes, again, what a treasure she is. He leans over and kisses her.
I smile at this, and drive away. Cars come by her house; she gets in them. She goes to her friends' houses and hosts parties. She's happy with her life, plans to get a book published, and dreams about college. She's not bitter about her past and not scared of her future.
On the last day before high school graduation, I look to her house. She's there, getting into her car. As I prepare for my last day in teenage hell, she looks across the street and waves at me. Shocked at the change, convinced of my visibility, I wave back.
And I never saw her again after that day.
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