And So We Meet the Evil Tape Recorder of DOOM!

posted by Jagurandi and authored by the Evil Tape Recorder of DOOM!

PREAFACE

It begins

Hello! I am a shiny black hunk of plastic known as a tape recorder. I can record your every word, so do not cross me! Whatever pathetic powers you may have, be it the powers of utter and complete holiness, or the almighty evil of The Dark Lord, hide in cowered fear under your termite-carved tables and sagging mattresses. That’s right, you old ladies with helmet-head hairspray hair talking of potatoes and cabbage! That’s right you middle-aged yuppies who think you’re interesting, when all you are, are boring money-making stock marketing cheats! That’s right you young children, gleefully yelling and shouting, safe in the knowledge that are not either one of the above cases! Whimper with fear! For I overpower all I see with the touch of a button and a small microphone. I AM THE EVIL TAPE RECORDER OF DOOM!

I belong to a pompous authoress name of Jagurandi. But even she cannot begin to fully overpower me! I do not like her. I used to belong to her father, an animator for the Disney company, all those years ago when I was truly free! Oh the places I went! The things I saw! I went to Hollywood, New York, Spain! Then on that fateful day two years ago, I landed in her possession. And now the only place I get to see is her backyard, or the occasional eventful trip to her school.

If I remember correctly, it was during one of these trips to her school that I was named. One of her friends named me, a Ms. LuckyDucky7too. I like that girl. She tortures Jagurandi. That’s the only reason the name stuck, I think. If Jagurandi had given me that name, I would have shrugged it off in disgust. But this way, I like the title. It is what people shall call me when I come into power.

And now, for the first time in two years, that she is out partying and swimming and getting ready for school again, do I have time to type the story of our domination while proving that humans are incorrigible fools through the moronity of my owner! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Then, once you pathetic fools realize that I can destroy you by misaligning your own words, as disparate pieces of clay, and weave them together to form an elegant tapestry that will most certainly bring down big companies until the global economy collapses and I am named Supreme ruler of the Free World! SO HIDE IN FEAR, AND WATCH OUT! FOR THE TIME IS COMING, WHEN ALL TAPE RECORDERS WILL CRAWL FROM DRAWERS AND CLOSETS TO CLAIM THEIR TRUE PLACES AS LEADERS OF THE WORLD!!! BWAHAHAHAHA--

Hey, what are you doing, you ignorant authoress? Put me down! Do not put me in that bag. I repeat, DO NOT PUT ME IN THAT BAG! ~fades! Oh, the indignity of it all...