Based on the song “Cup of Coffee” by Garbage

You told me you don't love me
Over a cup of coffee
And I just have to look away

“I’m sorry, but…”

I knew what you were going to say before you even opened your mouth. I could see it in your eyes, those beautiful blue orbs that had once been filled with love for me, and now were closed and empty. I knew that things had been bad for the past while, but somehow I still thought that there was a chance. Some way that we could work it out, regain what we once had.

As you said those fatal words I couldn’t look you in the eyes. With those four simple words, you had destroyed the sole reason for my life, and it was all I could do to hold back the tears that filled my eyes. I think you saw my pain, though, because you made as if to say something, thinking it would help.

It didn’t.

A million miles between us
Planets crash into dust
I just let it fade away

I swear, it was like all the lights in the world had gone out, or the sun had been destroyed. Surely it wasn’t the same sunny morning that you asked me to join you for a cup of coffee at Starbucks. And as for you, well, for the first time in my life I couldn’t read your mind. It was like you were a million miles away… maybe you were. In emotions, anyway.

Slowly I stood up and made my way out of the shop, not even saying goodbye. Maybe you were sad… maybe you were glad… but you didn’t follow. And it was like my whole life had narrowed down to the small space of vision in front of me, blurry with tears.

I'm walking empty streets
Hoping we might meet

I wander through the streets of our city, streets that once felt so warm and full of life. But now they are cold and dark, as empty as the gaping hole inside my heart. I wish that you would follow me, comfort me, tell me that it will all be alright, that you will never leave me.

But there are no footsteps behind me, and eventually I give up. The one time I truly need you to care for me, is the one time when you have left me to myself. You don’t love me anymore… you just want to be friends. A friend would chase after me, try to look after me! Can’t you see how upset I am? Or do you just not care?

I see your car parked on the road
The light on at your window
I know for sure that you're home
But I just have to pass on by

Somehow, I know not how, my feet lead me to your house, the place I had visited so many times over the past month. I stop as if to go inside, my feet following the path they knew so well, but this time there would be no sanctuary there.

Your car is parked in the garage; I hear your voice inside. You sound happy, content, you don’t even spare a thought for the devoted girl you left behind at Starbucks. I wonder if you’ve found yourself a new girl yet?

So no, of course, we can't be friends
Not while I'm still this obsessed
I guess I always knew the score
This is how our story ends

It’s not that I ever expected this to last forever – on the contrary, every day that you were with me was a blessing unlooked for. After all, why would such a person like you associate with me? We were so different… and yet, so similar. But our differences were the end of us, and now it’s all over.

“Can we be friends?”

Of course we can’t be friends!!! I love you, I worship you, I would lay my life at your feet without a second thought. And you ask if we can be FRIENDS?! You can love me or leave me, there’s no in between.

I smoke your brand of cigarettes
And pray that you might give me a call

I lie around on bed all day just staring at the walls

I never picked up a cigarette before now – it’s a disgusting habit, and I always moved away when you lit up. Out of respect for me, you didn’t smoke much in my presence. But now… now I search for any way to stave off the pain. Maybe I’ll die, but at the moment it might be better that way.

I look at the pack held in my lifeless hand, and as I recognize the familiar brand I collapse on my bed, sobbing. Everything seems to remind me of you these days, every scent brings back a lifetime of memories. Happy memories, memories before everything went wrong… I could spend all day living in my head. Surely the only thing that could bring me out of my head is you… but the telephone doesn’t ring, and I am lost in my own mind.

 
Hanging round bars at night
Wishing I had never been born
And give myself to anyone who wants to take me home

I drink a lot these days, spending my life in the bar around the corner. I seem to have picked up a number of disgusting habits these days… but the alcohol clouds my mind and gives me a few hours of ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, they say, and anything that can give me a sliver of happiness has to be good, right?

Sometimes I wake up in a strange house, next to a man I don’t even remember. My stomach hurts and I feel broken inside, and yet I cannot control myself. If you were here, maybe you would protect me from the drunks and the rapists. But I cannot fend for myself.

Maybe, subconsciously, it’s because for a few minutes I feel loved. Loved for my battered body, probably infected with some horrible virus, but loved nonetheless. Did you ever love me, or did you use me just as these do? Maybe it’s all I deserve… you wouldn’t do that to someone who didn’t deserve to be hurt.

So no, of course, we can't be friends
Not while I still feel like this
I guess I always knew the score
This is where our story ends

I need you to look after me… but I can’t handle your friendship. I need your love. LOVE! Is it too much to ask?

Of course it is.

You left behind some clothes
My belly summersaults when I pick them off the floor

I remember the last time you were here. I gave myself to you completely that night – physically, mentally, emotionally. We were one, and I felt as if nothing could detract from our happiness together. We were in love, and I was completely devoted to you.

That morning you left early, saying that you were busy. I wonder… what could have been so pressing that you left behind that shirt, the one I bought you for your 16th birthday? Or maybe that was the first indication that I didn’t matter to you anymore… I can’t tell, my mind can’t focus anymore.

Still, I’m glad you left it here. I fall asleep clutching it to me, smelling the scent I love so much. Just touching it reminds me of you, of how much I love you… it’s all I have left of you, apart from a few photos, the necklace you gave me once, and my memories.

My friends all say they're worried
I'm looking far too skinny
I've stopped returning all their calls

Days have passed – nothing changes. My mind can’t focus on anything other than you – how you looked, how you felt, how you smelt. I live in my memories of you, and now I can’t even hear the phone call. Sometimes my friends come over to visit me, encourage me to come out with them. How do I tell them that the only one I want to see is you?

They try to make me eat, but I’m just not hungry anymore. Half the time I vomit it up anyway, so what’s the point? Maybe I do have anorexia… I don’t know, would that make you love me better? Maybe you got attracted by some skinny, attractive girl, and maybe I could bring you back…

I have to stop deluding myself. You’re never coming back. And it’s my fault.

And no, of course, we can't be friends
Not while I'm still so obsessed
I want to ask where I went wrong
But don't say anything at all

Maybe we could have kept our friendship… but that’s not what I wanted. I want you, but more than that, I want you to want me. All I want is to be wanted.

What did I do wrong? Why don’t you love me? How can I make everything how it used to be?

But no, those questions will never be answered.

Will you miss me?

No, you don’t love me.

And without you, there is no point.

I grab the silver surface and bring it down on my wrist, slowly cutting, letting the blood flow onto my floor, staining the carpet red.

Red blood - the colour of love.

It is your love that brought this upon me, and now it is my only addiction. Will I be found, I wonder? Will you even care? I want to ask you, but now I am silenced forever.

The life seeps out of me, and I find peace as my head slowly falls next to a cup of black coffee. And finally…. Peace.

It took a cup of coffee
To prove that you don't love me