Warnings: Slash, tiny bit of fluff, implications of attempted suicide, cussing

Chapter Four

Zach slammed the Trans AM's door behind him and circled around the front of the car to Jeremy's side. "I'll see you later, okay?" Zach said, leaning through the open window for a kiss.

"Okay," Jeremy said. "Love you."

"Love you too." As Jeremy pulled away, Zach muttered something under his breath in resignation. He entered the house, made his way up the stairs slowly into his room. Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he winced. 'When mascara runs, it gets ugly,' he thought with a smile. "Gods, I should be shot." The bathroom light across the hall flipped itself on as Zach entered; he pulled down a washcloth from the cabinet and turned on the sink's faucet. No matter the proper way to clean off makeup. It was already all over his face anyway.

Zach sighed as he left the bathroom, left to fend off the silence on his own, left with his memories and thoughts to taunt him. He supposed it was lucky that his dad kept a revolver in the bedroom.

"If I ever catch you doing that again. . ."

"Jeremy?" Zach called out, confused. That had been Jeremy's voice, but. . .

"I love you, Zach."

"If I ever catch you doing that again. . ."

In the midst of digging in the drawer, the memory seized him once more.

"Zach? Zach! What did you do?" Jeremy was kneeling beside him; he could barely make out the outline of his face, it was all so very fuzzy.

"Jer? I-I love you, Jeremy. . ."

"Jesus Christ, Zach, we've got to. . ."

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, he was lying in a bed, surrounded by white. White was everywhere. 'What an awful color,' Zach thought.

"Zach! Oh, God, you're okay!" Jeremy was holding him immediately, genuinely sobbing into the thin gown the hospital had dressed Zach in. "If I ever catch you doing that again - no, if you ever do anything like that again - Oh, Zachary. . .I really love you." He held Zach's face in between his hands and kissed him tenderly. "Don't you ever try to leave me again, all right? Stay with me, Zach, forever. Promise me."

And Zach had said, "I promise, love."

Mumbling the words again, Zach shakily put the gun barrel to his temple. "I took my time, I hurried up. . .The choice was mine. . .I didn't think enough. . .I'm too depressed to go on. . .You'll be sorry when I'm gone."

And he pulled the trigger.

~

Jeremy hummed along with Coldplay on the radio, peering at the red light every now and then to make sure it hadn't changed yet. When was that light going to change? No matter. Jeremy turned up the music a bit, singing along.

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry. . .You don't know how lovely you are. . .I had to find you, tell you I need you. . .Tell you I set you apart. . ."

A sudden pain tore through his chest and he gasped, leaning over the steering wheel. People were honking at him to go; the light had finally changed. Jeremy put on his hazard lights and slumped over, panting; "Go around," he muttered hoarsely. "Go a-fucking-round me."

It took a few minutes, but he regained his composure and drove through the light, heading home. He couldn't wait to see Zach tomorrow.