When things happen that were never meant to. Things so horrible you wanted life to be a video so you could either rewind it and tape over it or fast forward it enough so it was like it never happened at all.

You knew how you could want to shock the world, the universe even, with some hard ugliness of your own. When everything seemed so wrong, so utterly wrong and you had run out of hope for it ever getting better.

When life became dull, colourless, grey, boring and meaningless, like an old-fashioned black and white film so worn out and scratched it began to skip relentlessly when played, labelling itself from then on as useless and just another roll of film to be thrown out into the trash.

When your father's going to die because of a lump on his back, and when you find out your mother's been cheating on him for the past six months, and you'e just moved into a detestable neighbourhood, an utter hellhole where a cop's job would be an absolute nightmare.

When the kids at school told you that you didn't know much, that you didn't know life. But you knew much more than what they thought. You knew how it felt to see your father on the couch everyday, as every minute passes with the knowledge that he was slowly dying, that it wouldn't be long till he'd leave you. You knew how it felt to see your mother not care, to see her go out every night to god knows where. You knew life. You knew life more than any one of those kids.

You knew when you wanted to scream, scream at the top of your lungs without anyone complaining and telling you to shut up, scream real loud so god could hear you on top of everyone else who might be talking to him at that moment. You wanted to be heard.

When for that one time you cut yourself just a little too deep, but just deep enough for you to realise it's too late, it's over.

When in the last minute of your life you actually feel happy. Really, genuinely, happy.

And you taste that glorious savour which you had been chasing after your whole life. And from then on it'll be sprawled in front of your eyes forever.

Freedom.