#¤#¤#¤#For What It's Worth#¤#¤#¤#
...:.:.:.:.:.:.By: Cimmy.:.:.:.:.:.:...

Summary: While trying to refrain from following in his father’s footsteps, Fred finds himself struggling to avoid neglecting his own son as well as making his wife happy and pleased.
Rating: R/NC-17
Warning: Sexual contents, strong language and some violence. This story is not suitable for young readers, considering the themes.
Timeline: Into the future.
Disclaimer: I own Fred, Catalina and Bailey. Miller Corporation is a made up company, so is Maverton Academy.

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Chapter 1. Lost Dreams
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My worst nightmare is coming true. I’m becoming my father. That’s what I’ve feared all my life. To wake up one day, destroy everything in my way and feel good about it.

Life used to be better than this. Right now I’m stuck in my office, which I hate. I hate this company, I hate my job and I hate that everyone talks about me behind my back. Just because I’m young and inexperienced. Just because I had to start working here because my father owns this company.

Miller Corporation. Everything that is wrong with the world could be described as Miller Corporation. My Dad established this company together with Harold Miller, and now I’m forced to work here just so I can pay off the debt to my Dad. The debt of being a complete failure.

I haven’t become my father yet, luckily. He used to abuse us in every way possible. He used to drink a lot, but had to stop when the management figured out that he was an alcoholic. Among other things, I inherited that illness. I haven’t touched alcohol since junior year in high school. Six years, eh? Unless I’m counting it wrong.

My eyes wander over my desk and out through the windows. I have a view over Central Park, and I can almost spot the building where our apartment is located. I wish I could see it. It would help me get through the day.

Nothing has turned out the way I planned. If I had only finished college, maybe I would’ve had a chance to get a job on my own. Instead I have to depend on my father for help. I thought I could solve all my problems, once I got control over my own money, but I can’t.

There are some things I still appreciate about my life. My son, for example. My wife. Our life together. Too bad I work all the time. I never have time to see them, and it’s even more impossible for me to spend some time with them.

My son is growing up, and I’m not there to see it. More similarities with my own father. At least I don’t come home drunk every evening.

Once upon a time, I was happy with my life. It wasn’t the best, but I liked it. Catalina has always been a part of my life. She’s been the person right next to me ever since high school. I’ve been with her since freshman year; I’ve known her since elementary school.

I remember when I lived in New York several years ago. When it was just Catalina and I. It was right after we’d graduated from high school, and we moved in together. That was the best six months of my life. Until the day I had to leave.

She’s the only one for me. Emotionally, mentally and physically. She’s the only one I’ve ever been with, at least when it comes to the emotional and mental parts. That I used to date someone else in college is insignificant, because that girl never meant anything to me. I found my way back to Catalina anyway.

That is one of my regrets here in life. That I just left Catalina when she needed me the most. When I finally came to my senses, about a year later, we were happy for a while. She was expecting Bailey, and I was trying to work out my life, but for once, we did that together.

My mother was seventeen when she had me. My Dad was eighteen. I’ve never been anything but a mistake in their eyes. Then my brothers were born. I loved them, and I took care of them when my parents weren’t around.

Catalina was nineteen when she had Bailey. Well, eighteen, but she turned nineteen that same year. That’s why I fear that I’ll end up walking in my father’s steps. Everyday I try not to do the same mistakes as he did.

When I was younger, I used to make all of his mistakes. I have a really bad temper, and I used to take it out on Catalina. I yelled at her, insulted her, at one point I almost hit her. I never did touch her, but I did do other stupid things instead. When I drank, I did things to her I’m not proud of.

Now I know how to treat her well. I don’t yell at her for no reason, and I would never threaten her in any way. That was childish, and I stopped letting my temper get to me when I was nineteen. I still get mad, I still loose my temper, I still yell, but not at her.

I’m frustrated and depressed about the outcome of my life. I’m married, I’m a father, I should be content with my achievements. I never thought Catalina would agree to get married, but she changed when she found out she was pregnant. In more ways than one. Now she’s nothing like she used to be in high school. I still love her, but some part of me misses the way she used to be.

I look at my watch, realizing that it’s time to sneak away from here. I have lots of paper work to do, but I rather take it with me home than stay here and gag at the surrounding.

My secretary looks up when I leave my office, and she does her usual routine, hiding the fact that she’s been talking with her fiancé all afternoon instead of doing some actual work. Who can blame her? Most of the time I spend in my office; I’m either on the phone, talking to my wife, or E-mailing her.

“Leaving early, sir?” Gale asks with an anticipating voice. If I leave early, so can she.

“Go home, Ms. Flynn,” I smile. At least my secretary likes me. As long as I don’t refer to her as ‘my secretary’, because she’s actually my ‘assistant’. She’s just a few years older than me, so she’s not competitive about being better than I am. Most people are, so I don’t really care when they try to outsmart me.

“Soon-to-be Mrs. Richardson,” she grins, waving the stone in front of my face again. I nod, smiling. Then I take my bag and walk towards the elevator. I feel misplaced, like I shouldn’t be here. I’m twenty-two years old, and I should be doing something meaningful instead of throwing my life away here.

I avoid everyone I see in the hallway. They usually just give me a fake smile, ask me about what I’m working on and try to work into the conversation how much more important their job is than mine. They also tell me in some subtle way that I’m incompetent. Then they try to suck up so I’ll tell my Dad how good they are, so they’ll be promoted. I hate my job.

The only one who greets me on my way down is the doorman. I guess I’m not like the other hot-shots, ignoring all the ‘little people’ around me. Some people who works on my floor doesn’t even say hello to their own secretary. I would never ignore someone like that. I actually feel bad when I get to my room and find that the cleaning-lady is there to clean up my mess.

My car is parked in its usual spot; I quickly get in and drive out of the parking garage. The apartment is just a few blocks away, but I always drive anyway. I don’t know why, I just do.

Catalina’s car is parked right next to my empty spot in our garage. I guess she never left the apartment after I left this morning. I feel guilty. She never goes out, and she sits around waiting for me to come home, so I can spend a few moments with her before we go to sleep.

The elevator takes me up to our floor. We have a whole floor to ourselves, so I have to put my key into the lock before I can push the button. It’s safer this way, I’d hate it if just anyone could go up there and try to get in. The elevator stops, and I put the key into the door I’m met by. I hesitate for a second before I go in.

I hope she’s awake. Maybe we have time to talk tonight. Or just spend some time together. It’s too late for Bailey to be up, but I really hope Catalina has time for me.

I take another deep breath, before I open the door and walk in.