There was a decidedly unpleasant jackhammer sensation ringing a merry tune
inside of Thor's head. Of course, it was testament of how much mead the war
god had drunk the night before - all the mead in Asguard to be exact- and
the fact that Thor never really was one to think of consequences.
And so he groaned an ancient curse under his breath, reaching for the
familiar metal of his hammer, not noticing the fact that his pillow turned
from its familiar fluffy white to a sleepy pink stuffed sheep.
Thor's red eyebrows furrowed in confusion as his hand failed to produce
mjollnir, but instead grabbed air. He then sat up, searching all over the
side of the bed only to find that his beloved hammer was truly gone.
There was a good long moment before the meaning hit his brain.
Now, Thor is no possessor of a decent brain, much less an intelligent one.
He was as strong as an ox, they say, and almost as smart.
But as stupid as Thor was, he was obsessed with his hammer, and wasn't
quite stupid enough to let it out of sight.
And so he trembled in disbelief before putting his lungs to good use and
letting out a great bellow.
"SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY HAMMER!"
Loki shot up from the other side of the bed, ignored until now for it was
not the side of the hammer, thus unimportant.
"What the hell are you screaming about you ox brained idiot?!" The
trickster god asked, eye twitching in a decidedly irritated way.
Seeing as Loki did much to deserve his reputation as a trickster god, the
none too bright Thor turned on him, leaving the questions of why he was in
Thor's bed, why did his head hurt, and what the hell was that freakish
thing on the other side of the wall for later.
But in the face of onrushing panic at the loss of his beloved hammer, Thor
was extraordinarily calm.
He slowly turned his face to Loki.
"Good day, my half-brother. Have you been busy today day, my half-brother?
HAVE YOU BEEN BUSY STEALING MY HAMMER? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MJOLNIR???"
Loki also remained extraordinarily calm for having the breath choked out of
After some serious begging and cajoling Loki came back to life after coming
very close to an impromptu visit to his daughter.
Rubbing his neck and seriously thinking of running away and becoming an
Evil Hermit, Loki could almost see the rusty gears of Thor's brain
attempting to turn.
And so he waited.
And after a good long time had passed, Loki poked the god next to him.
"Thor? The hammer?"
"Oh, yeah. MJOLNIR!!" Thor began to panic, grabbing Loki's shoulders and
shaking them while crying.
"LOKI! LOKI! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! SOMEONE STOLE MJOLNIR!!!"
Loki, having had his innards shaken around quite badly, took a moment to
"Well go and get it back." Loki grabbed the blanket and pulled it over his
head. "I'm going back to sleep."
Thor opened his mouth to protest, when he finally noticed the situation.
"What?" a voice growled, irritation muffled by the blanket.
"Why are you in my bed?"
"I'm not." Loki growled, scowling from beneath the bedspread.
There was a long pause.
Thor calmly pulled the blanket off Loki and smiled pleasantly.
Eye twitching, Loki calmly reminded himself that he would go horse before
his famous acid tongue got through the thick, most likely unneeded shell
that was Thor's brain.
"You camel headed bastard, you drank all the mead in Asguard last night,
and could barely walk two feet before stumbling magnificently at my feet.
Me, being the wonderfully gracious god I am, decided to pretend not to see
you. Unhappily, The bastard Heimdall may he and his disgusting spawn rot
forever in the bowls of Odin's outhouse, convinced Odin to make me drag you
home." Loki took a moment to breath, as spitting verbal poison at Heimdall
took rather a long time.
"Then, I could see the bastard laughing at me, at ME as I attempted to drag
your sorry carcass back to your ever sorrier hall, you singing an
incoherent drunk's song all the way. Just when I gave up on ever getting to
your cursed be house, you fall asleep, clutching my arm in a death grip!"
Loki spat, the whole right side of his face spasming in a distinctly
painful looking way.
"Then," Loki began to continue, pausing as he noticed Thor was falling
asleep. Giving a good whack to Thor's head, and another for good measure
when he found it rather satisfying, Loki began again.
"I had almost decided to saw off your damned arm and go to sleep, but being
the compassionate being that I am, I decided to lend you the use of my bed.
But to my great horror, you snore loud enough to wake the dead from Hel and
shake all the apples from Idun's tree! Thanks to you, you ox brained
bastard, I didn't get a decent night's sleep!" Loki said quite calmly, bags
under his eyes becoming apparent.
"Oh. Ok." Thor said, satisfied by the explanation.
"Idiot." Loki grinned, once again hiding under the blankets.
Thor paused, then resumed his wailing.
"LOKI! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT MJOLNIR!?"
The capricious god muttered sleepily.
"Go look for it outside. Maybe it's gone for a walk or something."
"All right." Thor said, then promptly walked out, pausing to search under a
random rock to see if he hammer was there.
Loki sighed happily and resumed getting his REM sleep.
Then Thor began his yelling.
"MJOLNIR!!! WHERE ARE YOU? COME HERE BOY!! MJOLNIR!!!"
There was a long pause.