I've known you almost a year. We tell each other secrets, jokes. We play games, like a bunch of the same stuff. We talk about practically everything, your blood-red words pouring over my screen much like my emerald-green ones pour onto yours. To others, our colours don't mean much, but to us, they say how we met. It was at a HP forum-one stil going strong- where I was a Slytherin, and you a Gryffindor. I had hooked up with a girl named Phoenix about a month before you appeared, and we were busy pranking everyone there. You-true to your namesake-wanted to join us. That was the start of a beautiful friendship. Phoenix has drifted away, but we are still together after all this time, sis.

I thought I knew you pretty well.I know that your Da cheated on your Mum. I know how much it hurt you when you found out, and discovered your idol had feet of clay, something I discovered years ago.I know that you love counrty music. I know that you love to write, and can make people laugh or cry when they read what you write. I know that writing helps you escape. I kow that you don't care much for your familly anymore. I knew all that and more-but apparently I don't know you as well as I thought you did. I didn't know you at all.

Last night.. it scared me more than I had thought possible. Not the "Haunted house" or "Scary movie" scared, but the "Ohmigod my friend is gonna die!" scared. And.. they were. And not because of a freak accident or some murder. But because you decided to kill yourself. You decided to kill yourself, and you told me. Those were the scariest three hours of my life, sis. I spent them trying to talk you out of it. I tried to get other people we know to tell you they loved you, but you ignored them, wouldn't talk to them. I sat at my computer , cryng, typing as fast as I could, trying to convince you to live. Finally-finally!-you said that I had convinced you. However, fifteen minutes later, my blood chilled.

"I g2g," you told me. Then-"I'm not going to kill myself, I just g2g."

"I trust you," I told you. But.. do I really? I try to have confidence in you, sis.

Yet, I'm scared-well, maybe scared isn't the right word-concerned about something. Should I have tried to talk you out of killing yourself? Isn't it your choice? Sure, I'm your friend, and I love you more than my own flesh-and-blood sisters, but.. is it really up to me to tell you to live or die? I don't know, and it bothers me. There is another fear, though.. one which resides deeper in me and feeds on my heart-the heart which I had believed to be dead, the heart I carved out and lay bleeding in my mother's coffin a year ago. Last night.. last night, for the first time since I carved out my heart, I cried, for something other than pure physical pain. That's not my fear. My fear.. it is that you won't be on tonight, or ever-and I won't know why. I won't know if it is because you killed yourself, or because like yo told me she has threatened to do, your mum sent you away. How will I know? I don't know if I could take it.. Please, sis, promise me that if you do kill yourself, you let me know.. send me an e-mail, something.. I couldn't stand the not knowing. Speaking of not knowing.. it's only now 8.00 in the morning. I still have ten, twelve hours left before I even have a chance of seeing you online.. I'm counting the hours, sis. Please, please don't let me down.

But-a niggling, loathesome doubt crawls its way into my mind. What if-what if it was all a lie? What if you were just trying to see if I loved you, or cared about you, or something else? What if you were just bored? I know that this isn't true, that you would NEVER do that, but.. I can't rid myself of this curséd, god-forsaken doubt. It's feeding on the remnants of my soul, and I canb't exorcise it. What does this mean, what does this say about me?

I hope, even pray-despite the fact that I no longer believe in a God-that you will be on tonight. What does it mean if you're not? I can't thikn about that. I love you, sis.

Eplilogue: Well, it's been tweo days, and so far you've been on. I hope that you continue to be..

A/N: If you know me, and you think you know who the person is who I'm talking about, and mention this to her, I will hunt you down and hurt you. I posted this for MY peace of mind, and to vent some of my feelings, not to blab about her. So please keep your mouth shut.