Note: I wrote this one day when I was super bored. Scene Two is funny. hahahah.

SCENE NUMBER UNE!

NARRATOR: (stepping in) I am here, dear children, to tell you a tale that not many know. It is a story of adventure, love, friendship, betrayal, and magic. This is the story of Princess Ashyra Swiftbow, and her companion and best friend, the dwarf maiden Car. They are on a grand adventure, seeking peace and prosperity wherever their feet may fall.

[Suddenly, ASHRA jumps in, and makes a face at the camera.]

NARRATOR: Set your eyes upon the divine beauty of this daring, cunning and fastidious elf.

ASHRA: Ho, ho! I'm fastidious!

[CAR slouches in]

CAR: Do you even know what fastidious means?

NARRATOR: Um. no.

ASHRA: WOW!

CAR: Now what?

ASHRA: Where'd he come from?

CAR: I thought she was a girl.

[The two of them inspect the NARRATOR]

ASHRA: no, no, I swear, he's a guy. Look at that beard.

CAR: That's a fake beard, duh. She's a girl. Look at that dress she's wearing.

ASHRA: (a bit hopefully) maybe he's a cross-dresser!

CAR: Now that's just wrong.

ASHRA: HA HA! YOU CROSS DRESSER!

NARRATOR: Um.. anyway.

[ASHRA whacks the NARRATPR with her bow]

ASHRA: No, no! Before you say anything else, you've got to tell us if you're a boy or a girl.

NARRATOR: I am a narrator. My gender doesn't matter.

ASHRA: (triumphantly) IT DOESN'T KNOW! HAHAHAHAHA!

[RAN steps in and gives the camera a very apologetic look]

RAN: Gee, I'm sorry about all this. Uh, I suppose that I'll have to take it from here. This is a sort of odd story, about a group of. um. beings, who decide to travel together. I know that it sounds really boring and everything, but-

[SLASH jumps in and pushes RAN away]

SLASH: Hey world! You take too long in explaining things, so get outta the way! So, the story basically starts after Ashra ran away from her wedding, met up with Car and-

ASHRA: HELLO?! Can we just start this already?

NARRATOR: Right (he/she stands up and straightens self out) Once upon a time.

[We start here. Well, you know, like, we stop, have a few seconds in darkness and then we start]

ASHRA: (bending down) Hey, Car, look at this.

CAR: (walks up and glances at the ground) What now?

ASHRA: Look, it seems like humans have been here!

[CAR frowns. She is dressed in the normal dwarfish clothes, lots of fur and brown dirty stuff]

CAR: How many humans would you say?

ASHRA: (quite pleased with herself) Oh, about twenty, I'd say. Hey Car, I wonder what their all looking for!

CAR: (muttering) you wonder to much. ( in a louder, sarcastic voice) I have no clue, Ashra dear. Perhaps us?

ASHRA: (looks up, surprised) Us? Why? What've we done?

CAR: (rolling her eyes) Well. it's more of what you've done.

ASHRA: (still surprised) Me?

CAR: (nodding) yes, you. First, you stole those villagers clothes-

ASHRA: (indignant) That's just because I didn't want to go gallumping around in my wedding dress!

CAR: (ignoring her friend) and then you got hungry so you had to go steal, kill, pluck, and eat three of those chickens.

ASHRA: I hadn't eaten for four days!

CAR: (still ignoring ASHRA) and lastly you beat up half the people in the inn when they insulted elves.

ASHRA: (jumping to her feet, suddenly furious) THEY DESERVERD THAT! THEY

CALLED MY OWN FATHER- MY FATHER- A DIM-WITTED CREEP!

CAR: But, honestly Ashra, you call him a dim-witted creep all the time!

ASHRA: That's not the point! They said it! ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO CALL HIM THAT!

[While ASHRA jumps up and down furiously, CAR frowns, obviously thinking.]

CAR: Ashra. Ashra? ASHRA!

ASHRA: (she stops kicking the nearest tree) huh? What?

CAR: I think they're coming back this way!

ASHRA: Whoop?

CAR: Whoop? What?

AHSRA: (grabbing her friend's arm) Let's go!

[CAR shakes her head. She honestly does not understand ASHRA. The two of them start running, and ASHRA drags CAR into a cave]

ASHRA: (in a booming voice) BLOCK THE DOOR, COMRAD!

CAR: What?!

ASHRA: (pointing) Block the door with the rock!

CAR: Why can't you?!

ASHRA: (scratching her nose) because I'm an elf, silly, and you're a dwarf! Come on, block it so they can't find us!

CAR: (testily) Ashra, they already know that we're in here.

ASHRA: (surprised) really? How? I'm a really fast runner!

CAR: Yes, I know, but when you were yelling at me, they probably heard.

ASHRA: oh! I didn't think about that!

CAR: (muttering as she pushes the large boulder over the door) of course you didn't!

ASHRA: Huh? Wazzat?

CAR: What's what?

ASHRA: (brightly) I can hear them talking!

CAR: (sarcastically) oh really?

ASHRA: SHHH!

[While CAR rolls her eyes, ASHRA leans against the stone, obviously concentrating on listening. Suddenly, she gasps, and goes pale]

CAR: now what?

ASHRA: (clutching onto CAR) They're summoning a. WIZARD!

CAR: (impressed) wow, you really must've annoyed them!

ASHRA: Car! I HATE wizards! CCCCAAAARRRR!

CAR: (pushing ASHRA off herself) Honestly, control yourself! All we have to do is kill the wizard before it can magic us or whatever.

ASHRA: (trying to calm down) right, right. Kill it. Kill it..

[ASHRA notches an arrow to her bow, while CAR takes out one of her smaller axes. There is a rumble from beyond the rock, and the caves shudders.

CAR: one.

[A splintering crash from outside, the rock begins to move]

ASHRA: two.

[The rock is blasted away, and SLASH stands in the cave entrance]

TOGETHER: THREE!

[ASHRA loosens her arrow and CAR chucks her axe at SLASH. Neither hit SLASH. Both, however, seem to hit this invisible force field thing, and they sizzle, falling to the ground.

ASHRA: oh! My arrow!

[CAR does not give up. She chucks another axe. This one disincarnates!]

SLASH: (sounding bored) you do know that there is no point in trying to kill me with weapons.

ASHRA: Hey than! That's no fair!

CAR: of course it isn't, silly. He's a wizard. This is what wizards do to make themselves feel better than everyone else.

ASHRA: It's still not fair! If he can fight and we can't. UGH! YOU ANNOYING WIZARD!

[SLASH watches them talk with mild curiosity, until ASHRA stands up and launches herself at him. He gains a slightly panicked look.]

ASHRA: GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! (She grabs the collar of his shirt with one hand, and begins beating him with her bow)

SLASH: Hey! Ouch! Stop!

ASHRA: No! I will not stop!

SLASH: (quite testily)Well I can't go away until you let go of me, now can I?

ASHRA: (looks mildly surprised at this bit of news) oh, haha, good point. Sorry about that.

CAR: (standing up) now go away, wizard, before I set Ashra on you again.

ASHRA: Yeah. Wait- Car.

SLASH: Wait a second! You're Ashyra Swiftbow?

ASHRA: yyyeeeaaah. Why?

SLASH: There's a HUGE price on your head! You're parents put it there.

ASHRA: (scoffing) so?

SLASH: Maybe if I could bring you back to your parents I could.

ASHRA: (Hitting him with her bow) YOU WISH! I'M NEVER GOING BACK THERE!

SLASH: OW! Stop! (ASHRA continues beating him) Fine! Fine! I wont give you back to them!

ASHRA: (suddenly pleased) Awesome!

SLASH: Why is there such a high price on you? ASHRA: (delighted) I ran away from my wedding! They were trying to get me married off to some prince of something- a human you know- But I refused and I ran away! I was even in my wedding dress when Car found me!

[SLASH gets all red, and looks kinda funny]

CAR: Could you go away now?

SLASH: (recovering) why?

ASHRA: (happily) we don't like wizards!

SLASH: Why not?

CAR: Because they're dumb.

ASHRA: No offense

CAR: Actually, lots of offense

[ASHRA laughs. CAR rolls her eyes. SLASH seems to be on the verge of rolling his eyes too]

ASHRA: (stops laughing) wow, I'm hungry. Gotcha any food?

SLASH: No.

CAR: Come on, Ash, let's go.

ASHRA: (disappointed) but we haven't even met.

CAR: That's alright. Remember, we don't like wizards.

ASHRA: (slightly dazed) oh yeah.

SLASH: Um.?

ASHRA: (as CAR pulls her away) Hi, I'm Ashra (she shakes SLASH'S hand)

SLASH: I'm Slash.

CAR: He already knows that your name is Ashra, you dumb elf.

ASHRA: Yeah? So? Bye Slash!

SLASH: (obviously confused) um. bye. Ashra.

[CAR drags ASHRA away, and finally, ASHRA decides that she can help, and walks on her own]

ASHRA: Y'know, he wasn't all that bad for a wizard. No warts or anything. Not even a beard!

CAR: Don't tell me that you like him.

ASHRA: (brightly) he's got a fun name! Ha, ha!

CAR: (suspiciously) You do like him, don't you!

ASHRA: (sighing) yeah, I guess that I do. There aren't many guys that I know. Really, my only friend is you.

CAR: Now that's depressing.

ASHRA: (sniffing) yeah.

SLASH: (jumping up from behind them) BOO!

ASHRA: AHHHHHH!!! (she clutches onto CAR)

CAR: ARRRGH! (she pulls out her axe and swings it at SLASH)

ASHRA: Hey! Stop! It's Slash! Hey-a Slash!

SLASH: (grinning at ASHRA in a dorky way) uh- hi, Ashra.

CAR: Why did you just do that?!

SLASH: Because I did. Must you question me?

CAR: Yes, I must.

ASHRA: Ha, ha, ha- that was fun.

CAR: (ignoring ASHRA) what do you want from us, wizard?

ASHRA: Um- his name's Slash.

SLASH: I don't know. What do you want from me?

ASHRA: (picking up a log and hitting SLASH with it) EEW! YOU SICK MINDED HUMAN!

SLASH: Ouch! Stop! I didn't mean it that way! OUCH!

CAR: Wait- so why are you following us?

ASHRA: Um. sorry.

SLASH: I'm bored. Sorry.

ASHRA: It's ok. Car's always boring.

SLASH: No, I mean, I'm sorry for jumping out on you.

CAR: (accusingly) You should be!

ASHRA: (laughing faintly) ha, ha, that was fun.

SLASH: So. where are you going?

CAR: We don't know.

ASHRA: AWAY! AWAY!

CAR: Ashra, stop jumping around and act mature for once.

ASHRA: Ok. (she slides into step between SLASH and CAR) so. anyone know any fun walking games?

CAR: NO!

SLASH: Sorry, no.

ASHRA: Ok. (she begins humming some song to herself)

KASHANI: Um. hello?

CAR: Who are you?

ASHRA: Hello! I'm Ashra!

KASHANI: I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for someone.

CAR: Who?

KASHANI: Some god, by the name of Ragnar. Have you heard of him?

ASHRA: ooh- a god! Nope. I'm just an elf and she's a dwarf and he's a-

SLASH: I'm a wizard. Why are you looking for Ran?

KASHANI: (surprised) oh! You know him?

SLASH: Yeah.

KASHANI: (hopefully) Do you know where he is by any chance?

SLASH: I'm afraid not. I last saw him a year ago. Sorry. But. do you mind if I ask why you're looking for him?

KASHANI: (a bit more bold than before) well, I'm a god-hunter, you see.

CAR and ASHRA: WHAT?!

SLASH: That's odd.

KASHANI: I'm a demon, you see. Well, half demon, actually, and it's my job to hunt our mortal enemies, the Jaan, or what you call gods.

CAR: What do you mean by 'what we call gods?'

KASHANI: Well, us Shan, or demons, are basically the same as the Jaan, only we represent animals while they represent non living things.

ASHRA: (excited) ooh! What kind of animal do you represent?

KASHANI: A wolf.

ASHRA: I LOVE WOLF-UF-SUS!

CAR: (whispering and quite embarrassed) um, Ash, the plural of wolf is wolves, not wolfufsus.

ASHRA: oh. Right.

KASHANI: So anyway. I'm looking for Ragnar. I'm sorry to have bothered you.

SLASH: You weren't any bother, trust me.

ASHRA: Hey! You can come with us!

KASHANI: (dubiously) where are you going?

ASHRA: (brightly) NO CLUE!

CAR: (to SLASH) so how long do you think she was normal?

SLASH: Oh, about three seconds.

CAR: Thought so.

KASHANI: Is she always like this?

ASHRA: Oh yes! Don't think that I can't hear you CAR AND SLASH! BWA HA HA HA HA HA! (she runs off along the path)

KASHANI: So I'm Kashani. Well, my full name's Kakashani. It means human- shan. Isn't that depressing?

CAR: Uh-huh. I'm Car.

SLASH: And I'm Slash.

ASHRA: I AM KNOWN AS ASHRA! THEY CALL ME ASHRA! AHSRA IS MY NNNNAAAAMMMMEEE! WHHEEEE! WOAH! A MUSKRAT! RAWR!

CAR: Ash! That's not a muskrat! It's a person!

[Indeed it is a person. A very grimy, dirty, confused person. It is VULPE.]

ASHRA: (bending down) hallo. I'm Ashra.

KASHANI: I'm Kashani.

SLASH: Those of lesser status call me by the title of Slash

CAR: Car.

VULPE: (groaning in mortal pain and confusion) Uhhnn.

ASHRA: Are you alright?

CAR: It looks dead.

VULPE: (weakly) I am not dead.

ASHRA: Wow! How do you make your voice go all funny like that?

SLASH: Um, excuse me for asking, but what are you?

VULPE: (pushing himself into a sitting position) I am a star.

[ASHRA and KASHANI giggle]

CAR: If you're a star, why aren't you up in the sky?

VULPE: That is a good question. I am not so sure about the answer.

ASHRA: (pokes VULPE'S head) ho, ho. Aren't stars balls of burning gas?

SLASH: Apparently not. Although I must say that I'm confused. Why are you here?

VULPE: My tale is long and sad, but I suppose that for the lack of anything else to do, I will tell it to you poor, seriously confused and insignificant mortals. I was once a very important star, living with the other important celestial bodies, until one day when I was accused of trying to set fire to another star. They all blamed me, although I was innocent, and I believe that for punishment, I was banished here to this miserable, dreary planet.

ASHRA: That's a dumb story.

CAR: It really is dumb.

SLASH: I don't believe you.

KASHANI: Try telling us the truth.

VULPE: (irritated) fine! I'm a fox! I played a trick on the Forest Guardian, and he sentenced me to living like a human until I've learned my lesson!

ASHRA: Ha, ha, that's funny.

CAR: Much better. So, what do you plan to do about it?

VULPE: I dunno. Lay here and wallow in self pity, I suppose.

KASHANI: (sighing) wow.

CAR: Come on, let's get going.

[They begin walking away. ASHRA whistles and skips around. CAR slouches behind them. KASHANI tries to show SLASH how to balance a stick on one's forehead]

VULPE: Wait! What about me?

ASHRA: (seriously confused) I thought you were going to stay there and wallow in self pity.

VULPE: I didn't mean it! Please, please can I come with you?

CAR: No

ASHRA: Ok! Let's go!

VULPE: (standing up) wow, thank you so much! I hate being alone! So, where are you all going?

[SLASH, ASHRA, CAR, and KASHANI all exchange looks, as if expected the other to talk, not themselves]

KASHANI: We're trying to find Ragnar.

ASHRA: Well, she is. I'm trying to get as far away as possible from my parents.

SLASH: And I'm trying to get her back to her parents so that I can get paid for it.

VULPE: (turning to look at CAR) what about you?

CAR: What about me?

VULPE: What are you trying to do?

CAR: Not much. So, what's your name?

VULPE: Oh. Ok. My name's Vulpe.

ASHRA: (bounding ahead) Hey look! A village!

SLASH: Where?

ASHRA: Come see! Come see! ( she pulls SLASH ahead with her, and beams at the sight of the village. NOTE: the viewers cannot see this village yet)

KASHANI: I wonder if Ragnar's there! My instruments tell me that he's close!

ASHRA: Yay! A new friend!

CAR: Oh goody.

ASHRA: Let's go, Kashani!

[ASHRA and KASHANI run away, SLASH following them. VULPE glances at CAR, and then follows the other. CAR, with a sigh, decides that she should keep ASHRA out of trouble, so she trots behind them too]

END OF SCENE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!