Like Silver Fire

A biting pain in my wing. The demon's face leers up at me, grinning in anticipation, his white teeth gleaming sharply. His claw hooks and slashes at me again. More pain, in my side, and red dots splatter up. My blood. My vision narrows, as though I'm looking through a tunnel backwards, rushing away from the light. My last glimpse is the demon's laughing face. And then falling, tumbling, out of control, down, down, pain whenever I try to move my wing, fire and smoke, falling, falling into darkness….

It was a bright, beautiful day in late spring, and I was taking full advantage of nature's bounty. I packed a picnic lunch for myself, took my favorite walking stick from behind the door, and set off into the dense woods surrounding my cottage.

As I entered the shadows of the trees, I breathed deeply of the fresh air, and smiled at my good luck. How different my home was from the crowded city that I had grown up in! The grass was greener, the sky bluer, and the fleecy clouds were infinitely whiter here, some ten miles from the nearest village, a hamlet of no more than a hundred inhabitants. I walked slowly through the woods, paying careful attention to the small flowers and plants to the side of the winding path. Mostly I looked only to admire the vibrant colors and the delicate play of light and shadow on the leaves, but now and again I stopped to pick ones that I could use in my medicines.

After about a half-hour's walk I came to a high, rocky hill, which rose from the trees around it like a proud ship on the sea. The sun- drenched crown of the hill was mostly bare, but a lone pine stood near the center, and under this I ate my lunch, looking out onto the tossing ocean of birch, maple, and pine below me.

After I finished eating I packed up my leftovers and set them down beneath the tree, intending to explore. I had only lived in my little cottage for a year, and many parts of the forest were still strange to me. I half-walked, half-slid down the steep north face of the hill, and continued on in that direction, every so often stooping to put plants in my already-bulging beltpouch.

The beautiful weather, combined with the unexpected find of a bunch of cowears, which would sell at three crowns a bunch at the next fair, put me in such high spirits that I even sang a bit, something that I had often be told not to do if I wanted to keep on living. Even to my own ears my voice sounded like a hoarse frog being stepped on, but it felt so good that soon I was bawling out "In the Month of Maying" at the top of my lungs.

I stopped abruptly when I turned a corner of the path and saw the body. It lay stretched out on a bed of dewy grass, half covered by a heartthorn bush, a gleam of white against the dark green leaves. It was a woman, I could tell at once, from the delicate shape of her outflung hand and the long white hair that veiled her face. At first I thought that she was very old, to have such white hair, but then I saw that it had a sheen, a silken, living flame to it, that spoke of youth. I fell to my knees before the body and saw that it had a long gash in its side, from which red blood still ebbed. So the death was recent, I thought to myself.

I gently uncovered her face--and stopped as I touched her skin. Had she moved, just slightly? Knowing that it was just an idle fancy, I felt for her pulse. Nothing… nothing… then, there it was. Feeble and uncertain, but there all the same. Hurriedly, not wanting to waste a minute, I pushed back the restricting bushes--and froze.

The woman had wings.

Dark, all dark, lost, lost. I wander far, far, lost in the night. Then a light comes, calling to me. I struggle on, up, towards the light, and it grows, brighter and stronger, and I hear a strange voice calling to me.

Then my eyelids flutter open. Above me is the caller, looking anxious. He is a human, with a broad, honest face and disheveled brown hair- -and no wings. I feel a surge of panic rise within me when I realize that I am not with the other Aleri, my people. I am lost from my kindred, lost, abandoned forever…. No, I tell myself. They will come for me. They must come for me.

The man does not see my panic. When he notices that I am awake his mouth breaks out into a relieved smile, and his eyes lose their worry- lines. He leans back in his chair. "Do not be afraid," he says. His voice is sincere and kind. "I'm not going to hurt you. But don't try to sit up, or you'll hurt yourself more."

I try to say something, but all that comes out is a croak. I swallow and try again. This time my voice comes, but very faintly. "Where am I? What happened?"

The man shakes his head, looking grim. "I'm not sure. I found you in the woods, with a gash in your side and a puncture in your…wing."

I shiver. His words bring back the battle, and the long, cold fall through the dark. The man must sense my pain, because he pats me gently on the shoulder. "It's all right. You'll be healed soon. Until then, I'll take care of you. Nothing can hurt you now." I smile, touched by his concern for me, a stranger, but my smile is a little sad. The demons could cut him down in an instant. But they must think me dead by now, and so must my kindred…. No, these are worries for another day. "What is your name?" I ask the human man. He blushes, and hangs his head shyly. "My name is Tonin. I'm a healer. Wha-- who are you?"

I smile at him, to show him that he has no need to be bashful. "My name--" I try to think of a way to put my name into words, but I can't. "You may call me Aethe," I finally say.

"Aethe," the man--Tonin repeats, as if it's a charm. "What a beautiful name."

I smile, and my smile turns into a yawn. "Thank you, Tonin," I manage to murmur, and then I slide into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I looked down wonderingly at Aethe. She was smiling a sweet, contented smile. She was so beautiful, her white hair smooth and clean despite her terrible wounds, her cherry lips the only dot of color in her pale face. Her eyes, more than anything, had burned into my memory. Never had I dreamed of such eyes. They were silvery and alive, dancing like silver fire. I could stare at them all day….

I shook my head abruptly, disgusted and a bit surprised that I would think such things about a woman that I barely knew. I was just relieved that she was alive, I told myself. In the week since I had found her I had poured all of my skill into keeping her from death, and even so there had been many horrible moments of hopelessness and despair. Yet now all the crises were past, and I knew that she would live.

I crossed the room to the small window set high up in the wall. Small clouds scudded past like ships in a prosperous port. I smiled, feeling her bright presence at my back. She would wake soon, and I could show her my woods.

Aethe slept all that day, and into the next, but around noon she woke up, for an hour or two this time. She did not want food--indeed, she seemed puzzled when I asked her if she was hungry--but she did want to talk with me. She did not tell me anything about where she came from or how she was wounded, but asked me about my daily life. I was content just to answer her questions, and so I told her about my dreadful time as an apprentice healer, this small cottage that I had inherited from my uncle, and my solitary life in the forest. Aethe seemed very interested in hearing about the plants and animals around her cottage, and so I promised to show them to her when she was well enough to go outside.

She smiled her radiant smile and fell back asleep.

I wake, and then slumber, wake, and then slumber, each day sleeping for a shorter time and waking for a longer. When I am not sleeping, Tonin sits by my side and tells me about himself. I think that he does not like to talk much, because he is so shy and lives so far from other humans, but when he talks about his forests he forgets himself. I like it when he forgets himself. I can tell that Tonin wants to ask about me, and about where I came from, but I am glad that he doesn't. If humans knew about the battles between the Aleri and the demons, they would be terrified. Perhaps Tonin would have no fear, but even his mind would be torn with worry and regret that he could do nothing to help, and I cannot bring myself to destroy his innocence. So I hold my peace, and try to ignore the questions in his eyes.

It takes a long time to heal, but finally Tonin declares that I am well enough to go outside. I am glad. There is a small window high up in the wall of my room, but through it I can only see a glimpse of sky. I hunger to see it all: the trees, the flowers, the entire wide expanse of blueness.

Tonin lifts me gently, careful not to jostle my wounded wing or pinch my hurt side, and carries me outside. I blink in the sudden bright sunlight. When my vision clears, I gasp in amazement. All around me is color: the million greens of the trees and the grass, the crimsons and golds and violets of the flowers, the blue of the sky…. Tonin sets me down in a chair that he as set up. Neither of us speaks, but we understand each other. This is beauty.

The days went by, and with every passing hour, Aethe grew stronger. She spent nearly every waking moment outside, sitting at the edge of the woods, gazing at the rabbits, squirrels, and woodland birds that came near. All of them came very near to her, but one little sparrow was especially fearless. Whenever we were staying quiet, he hopped forward as near as he dared, then rushed back, only to hop forward again a little nearer. Aethe stayed very still, until at last the little bird was perching on her finger. From then on he was very often near her, flittering around her head or balanced on her head. For my part, I was content to sit by Aethe and talk with her, or to blend and refine my medicines with her looking on. She was very interested in this. She asked me which plants healed what, and what were the best combinations, and where I found my ingredients. I had never been a very talkative man, but with Aethe I found myself chatting all day long, and never noticing a thing.

Time passed. Finally, I thought that she was well enough to walk, and told her so. Aethe was sitting in her bed. Startled, she glanced up at me through her long, fair lashes. "I can walk? I am well enough now?"

"Yes," I said, grinning to see her obvious delight. "You are well enough."

Aethe cocked her head, pondering. "I think that I would like to make my first steps outside, on the grass. Could you carry me there?"

"Of course!" I lifted her up carefully. Aethe was very light, unnaturally so, for all that she was gaining strength. She smiled at me, with those strange, alluring eyes like silver fire, and once again I wondered what she was. I could not bring myself to ask. I did not want to hear her refusal to tell.

As soon as I stepped outside, Aethe's bird swooped down from the eaves, chirping merrily. Aethe laughed in delight and held out her hand for it to land on. I laughed, too, because her joy was infectious, like the sun coming out from behind a cloud.

I walked out into the middle of the meadow behind my cottage and she slid down from my arms, as gracefully as a leaping salmon, onto the still- dewy grass. Aethe still kept a light hold on my arm, but she stood tall and straight. She wriggled her toes and took one slow step, and then another, and a third.

Aethe gazed up at me wonderingly. "I can walk again!" she whispered. "You healed me!" And she smiled at me like the first flower to bloom in spring.

Every day I walk with Tonin, as far as I am able. At first I can only take a few steps at a time without resting, but every day I can take more and more, until I can go on long hikes with Tonin very easily.

I am glad that I can walk now. Tonin is showing me his world, and it is very beautiful. We stroll through the forest, with the overhanging boughs scattering the sunbeams into dappled shadows, and the small white flowers strewn over the grass like stars fallen from the sky.

We ramble all around, up hills and down into shadowed valleys. We even go to where Tonin found me. There are forget-me-nots there now. Tonin is pleased, because they are his favorite flower, but I do not like to go there. The demon's face seems to glare at me.
Although I am glad that I can walk now, but I hunger for the sky. I want to soar, far above the treetops, with the wind in my face, to swoop and dive; but my wing is still wounded, and it cannot support me. Tonin assures me that I will fly soon, and I trust him. But 'soon' seems a very long while away.

Tonin seems to sense my frustration with the long healing process, because he makes an effort to take my mind off it. He laughs and tells jokes to me, and we laugh more than we do anything else on our hikes.

One day, Tonin asks me if I can sing. His eyes are down, and a blush creeps up his cheeks.
"Yes, I can," I say. I trill him my favorite song. It doesn't have words, for the Aleri do not use them, but it puts pictures in the listener's mind. I can tell that Tonin likes it, because he forgets to be embarrassed, and stares, awestruck, at my face.

When I finish, he breathes, "Amazing! That was.absolutely beautiful! The most beautiful thing that I've ever heard." This time it is my turn to blush. I am not counted among the best singers, and I do not deserve such praise.

Trying to change the subject, I ask him to sing for me. He goes redder than I have ever seen him before, and looks down at the ground. I hastily ask forgiveness for being so rude and take back my question.

But Tonin raises his eyes and smiles apologetically. "It's all right. I have never been told that my voice is pleasant--in fact, I have been told most emphatically that it is not--but I can sing for you. I'll just sound like an unmelodious dolt after you." He launches into a warbling song about small rabbits.

Although his voice is scratchy and off-tune, it is pleasing to my ears. I can see that it is hard for him to sing for me, but he does it anyway. He does it because I ask him to. A warm glow starts in my chest, unexpectedly, and I feel more content than I ever have before.

One morning I looked at Aethe's wing, as usual, and saw that the two puncture-marks had healed. Her snowy-white feathers completely covered where the jagged holes had been. I moved her wing around, checking its mobility, and found no problems.
Aethe turned around expectantly. "Well? Can I fly yet?" she asked eagerly. "Am I all healed?"

I hung my head to hide my smile. "I'm sorry to say this," I told her in a doom-laden voice. "I know that you won't like it, but…" I lifted my head to see her downfallen face "…yes, you can fly again!"

Aethe's eyes lit up, and she broke into a wide grin. "Oh, wonderful!" she exclaimed rapturously, throwing her arms around me. Then she was off and running, her wings beating furiously, faster and faster.. She jumped into the air, lifted, and then, impossibly, kept on rising. She flew higher and higher into the blue sky and then swooped down like a striking falcon, and up again.

"Isn't it marvelous?" Aethe called down to me, her voice alive with joy.

"Yes, marvelous," I called back, but as I did so I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. I knew in my heart that Aethe would be leaving me soon.

It is deepest night, and Tonin is gently sleeping, but I am restless. I get up, go outside, and look up at the sky. The moon is full, a luminous, golden orb, and the stars twinkle like diamonds thrown carelessly down on a velvet curtain. I sit calmly. Something is calling me, telling me to be here.

Then, more quickly than a flash of lightning, Maera is here. She takes my hand, raises me to my feet, and says, in a voice that is not a voice, Stand, sister. We are Aleri.

And I answer her, We are Aleri, in my voice that is not a voice. And then we can let formality go, and we embrace. Maera and I are best friends, and comrades-in-arms. We have gone through many dangers together, and many joys.

Maera looks into my eyes. I am glad to have found you at last, sister, she says. I have worried over you. But now I can bring you home. Come. She takes my hand, and would take me into the Upper Realm at once, but I stay her.

Wait! I cry. There is a human man, Tonin. He has cared for me, and healed my wounds. Without him I would have died. I cannot leave without giving him my thanks.

Leave a note! says Maera impatiently. We must go now.

I can't, I say. I must thank him in person. A note wouldn't be enough.

Maera lands slowly on the ground and looks at me harder. Very well, she says at last. I will come back tomorrow night. She pauses for a moment, and then says, Chose wisely.
I try not to understand what she means.

That day, Aethe seemed oddly melancholy--more somber than I had ever seen her. When I suggested that we go on a walk, her eyes almost filled with tears.

I was worried about her. She didn't seem herself, but I couldn't tell what had caused such a change. I tried to cheer her up, talking about how beautiful a certain grove would look when the lilacs bloomed in a week, but this seemed only to send her deeper into her gloom. Even flying did nothing for her mood. We did go on a walk, but her silence infected me, and in the end we were both miserable. After we had eaten lunch, I could hold my peace no longer. "Aethe, you must tell me what's wrong! Yesterday you were ebullient at the prospect of flying. Today you won't even smile. What happened?" A sharp spike of terror suddenly ran through me. "Is it…did whoever wounded you…."

Aethe looked up at me, and her grey eyes were like dense fog. "No, nothing so bad as that." She laughed brittlely. "My people. They've found me."

It took me a moment to remember to breathe. "You're leaving," I said. It wasn't a question.

Aethe looked away from me, playing with a blade of grass. "Tonin...you have to understand. My people are fighters. We defend the Middle Realm-- what you call the Earth--from demons. We are sworn into service. To break that vow…." She shook her head.

The silence stretched on and grew uncomfortable. I opened my mouth, not knowing what I was going to say, and she burst out, "But I want to stay! I love everything here: the forest, the birds, the flowers, the squirrels, the sky…." She turned towards me, tears raining down her cheeks like silver fire, and my breath caught in my throat. "Everything here…" she whispered.

It is night again, and I know that Maera will come soon. Tonin is waiting by me, but neither of us speaks. I don't know what I will tell her when she comes. I don't know what I will do.

I look at Tonin, at his honest face, his green eyes that have sparkled so many times in laughter, his skillful hands. He is looking up at the moon, and I cannot tell his thoughts.
And then Maera is here, standing in front of us. Tonin scrambles to his feet and bows jerkily. I get up more slowly, my mind racing.

Maera gives Tonin a look of scorn and brushes past him to me. Come, sister, she says. It is time to go home. You have stayed here long enough.

No, I answer her. And then, so Tonin can hear, "No. I am going to stay with this man." I take a deep breath. "I love him." Tonin looks at me startledly, and hope springs in his eyes, but I pay more attention to Maera. She swells up, her face like a stormcloud. Sister, you have sworn to fight with us. You cannot break your vow for a human.

"I can break my vow!" I yell at her defiantly. "And I will!"

But then Tonin is at my side, and the hope is gone from his eyes. "Aethe, I love you," he says, and my heart leaps, but then he goes on. "Whatever you do, I will always love you, but you must not go against your word for me. Your duty is to protect humans, so that they may laugh, and love. If you stay here, with me, you may for a time be happy, but always we will be overshadowed by the vow that you broke. Those that die because you do not fight will haunt your dreams." He takes one of my hands in his own. Bright tears glint in his eyes. "I want you to stay with me more than anything. But I am not worth the price of your honor."

Are you coming, sister? Maera asks me. Tears stream down my cheeks, but I nod.

Tonin gently wipes away my tears. "Don't cry," he murmurs. "Remember that I'll always love you. I'll never forget you."

I throw my arms around him. "Oh, Tonin.I love you so much." But then Maera takes my hand and leads me away, up and up, and we fly into the Upper Realm.

On the border I look back to see my love, growing ever smaller, standing all alone. And now white light is everywhere.

I looked after Aethe as she rose through the dusky air. As she got higher, she faded, and brightened, until she was only a patch of brilliant light. And then that, too, was gone.

And I was alone.