A November chill
In September air
Depressed you
Wanting more
Of a summer of dying
Of freedom
Of light

Giving in to
Wasted days
Under fluorescent tubes
Saying
Yes ma'am
And no sir
Counting down
Days to adulthood

You hit the
The pause button
One too many times
Now no one
Takes you seriously
When you say
"I want to die"

You cry at night
Because you can't pray
And yesterday marked
A decade since
Childhood satisfied you

You think back
On dreams
You forgot to live
And a list
Of questions for God
The first night
You thought about suicide

Pill bottle
In 12 year old hands
Hating God
For not existing

You wonder now
How you got this far
Staring at the future
That's coming at you
Too fast

Pill bottle
In 17 year old hands
You know
You still don't have the courage