Yes, I know this is a weird style beginning. Most of it won’t be this style, unless you like it. I don’t know, but please tell me what you think. Good or bad, constructive critics are great!! Please!!!!!!!!

Now Edited

Intro: The Inside Joke

Justin, a boy about three years younger then me, so like fifteen, asks me to walk with him away from the church crowd.

He lights his cigarette, as we go back into the woods near the church. Then, somewhat randomly, he asks me why I am who I am.

He laughs nervously as he says he didn’t mean it like in insult, he just meant, when did I realize?

I prick my lip with my teeth, and think of my true answer.

“I just realized I was always checking out girls and not guys,” I answer satisfied.

He smiles as he says “But you must have made a choice at one time.”

I sighed “No, in fact I try not to. I try to deny. Or at least I used to.”

“Why?”  He asks and he breathes poisoned air to his lungs. Making me have a flash and remember when he was younger, so full of life and energy.

Now he’s clothed in black, with his bleached hair bangs, and talks about drinking and smoking or other things. Yet, his rebellious side is still somewhat charming to me now. Perhaps I’ve been along the rebellious side my whole life, maybe I find it comforting like home. He questions me; I like to answer his curiosity as if it awards my own.

I nod knowing my answer all too well, “Because it’s not accepted with some people, I don’t want to be afraid to hold a loves hand. I don’t want to be disowned by my parents when I decide come out to them.”

He laughs nervously in understanding, “Yes, it must be hard, with you having a minister as a father.”

I nod with a sigh and say, “In all honesty, I have to believe, that if believes everything he has taught me, that he’ll accept me or at least eventually. Sides I think it’s hard for everybody.”

He lights another cigarette, I then wonder what would happen if I come back to my mother smelling like him. Then again, it doesn’t matter, she trusts me in that matter alone

“So what do you do, do you smoke or drink?”

“No,” I say as my honest answer.

“Goodie good” he laughs, “Just kidding, it’s cool.”

“Yeah I know,” knowing what one accepts and doesn’t, “I am not new to it though, I am around it.”

“I know” he says as if he knows me well.

“So who do you like?” he asks as we become more open to the sun. It raises heat; I wish I wasn’t wearing my coat. We see a little pond, the sight so bare, with all the trees that were cut down, but it’s still beautiful.

“No one really, I guess,” It’s a slight lie, but I’d been turned down already by her. “I guess that’s kind of weird for someone my age.”

“No one, well who was you last girlfriend?”

I name my x, and he says her name questioningly.

“You haven’t had someone since then?” He questions slightly shocked, as I realize he knew me more than I thought.

“No,” I sigh, it is turn off, it’s been a year since I’ve felt anyone’s love. I question how I went seventeen years, now it’s been only year and it’s a crime.

I am eighteen, I could use some action. Yes, I turned love into action; I guess my standards have lowered with rejection. I even crave his cigarette, but I know my lungs couldn’t take it. I would be taking my breathing machine to give me air, or die in the young night.

“I guess it took me time to recover, and no one really looks at me like that,” I say.

He nods in disbelief, “Sometimes when you stop looking, you’ll notice how many people are looking at you. Or at least that ended up working for me.”

I carry his advice, and nod and wonder why he didn’t understand; I wasn’t with anyone because I am ugly and ignorant, that’s why no one is attracted to me.  Then again, I actually find his words comforting like hope. We come back inside, as we separate for awhile. His little sister forms a bond with me almost immediately.  She grabs my hand; I find it inspiring that this little girl has bonded with me so quickly. She drags me back to him; he’s bored but with a cool manner he sits on the couch.

“I brought your girlfriend back,” she boldly stated. I blush and laugh, it doesn’t matter what gender I still found it flattering.

He rolls his eyes with a slight smile, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

She mocks him and rolls her eyes, and says, “Sure.” sarcastically. Even for a moment, I question my sexuality again; maybe I like guys too.

As I stare at his present style and aura for awhile now, but then I get too confused, so I didn’t care anymore, only laugh.

“Go down the slide,” the little girl says to me.

I laugh at the little thing; it’s for little kids.

“I’ll break it,” I say, still giggling.

She says, “No you wont, I don’t and I am fat.”

My stomach twinges, for what kind of world would make this little girl care for her weight.

“No, you’re just right,” I say.

He laughs, “Oh come on, go down the slide,”

“What I can’t,” I laugh harder,

“Come on,” the girl begs please.

I laugh as I climb the slide, trying desperately not to flip the slide over.

“You are so going to make fun of me for the rest of my life, aren’t you?”

He laughs, “No, only if you don’t go through with it.”

I continue to laugh like a disease taking over, as I quickly realize this isn’t going to work.

So I get off and climb over with my height, and slightly slide down mostly on the outer rim. He does as well or at least tries, laughing

He doesn’t fit at all, so he stays stuck on the rim.

“It’s our own little inside joke,” he says

I laugh, for a moment we knew each other well. These two siblings knew how to question my will well.