Lexy (L): I'm Lexy. I write these beautiful Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy fluff-slash-y kinds of things.
L: I read the first chapter.
X: Fascinating. And what do you mean by 'beautiful HP/DM fluff-slash-y things?'
L: I mean, they're so romantic. They forget they were ever enemies, and they kiss and stuff.
X: But they would never do that in the actual books.
L: So? They're just so... And they're hot, too. People read them and they just go, "Oohh."
X: Pain or pleasure?
X: True Harry Potter fans would moan with pain at the destruction of Rowling's characters.
L: My fans are true HP fans. They're also really horny girls.
X: We know that. So how a guy should meet girls online is to look for her email in reviews of really corny, mushy HP/DM slash fanfiction?
L: Exactly. If a guy would leave a review of one of my stories, and his email, I would love him forever.
X: But do you really think a guy who liked one of your stories would want to date you?
L: Sure, why not?
X: Because no straight guy would like one of your stories.
L: How dare you say that? Everyone likes my stories! They're how I meet guys!
X: Okay, then. Uh... does it work?
L: I haven't had a boyfriend since 1950.
X: You weren't alive in 1950.
X: What's your opinion on macaroni and cheese?
L: What does that have to do with my wonderful stories?
X: Nothing, but your stories are boring the reading audience.
L: I like macaroni and cheese.
X: Thank you. Would you go out with me?
X: Well, I wouldn't go out with you. I don't like you.
L: What? Someone doesn't like me? (Sobs) I can't b-believe it! I just painted my nails, too!
X: So what?
L: Everybody likes me after I paint my nails.
X: Okay, then. This is brought to you today by writer's block. The author would like to add the disclaimer that she does not own any of the Harry Potter characters, and she does not usually read Harry Potter fanfiction, slash or otherwise.