I used to practice my walk
Comb my hair just right
Wear cut offs and t-shirts
When I was four
I sat under the kitchen table
And cut off my ponytail
After that
My mother threw away my jeans

I wore dresses for years
And never complained
Instead I sat in church
With my father
He looked so proud
Of his little girl growing up

In the summer time
I wore shorts with no shirt
And ran with other boys
To play baseball in the park
But then I got breasts
Such a hideous thing
Little boys don't get breasts
I was alone
Not a boy, not a girl

As a teenager I dated guys
Then girls
Grew my hair long
And then shaved it off
I prayed to God at night
To make me a boy
I stood in front of the mirror naked
And saw a woman's body
With a boy's face
I closed my eyes and saw
Nothing

I am nothing
I am in between
Not a boy, not a girl
I am Ryan Lee