I’m Sorry

Looks like I’m swinging again.

I’ve been trying to stay stable—

Trying to make things easier on you

While she’s preoccupied—

But I guess I’ve done my job

Just a little too well.

I didn’t mean to do this to you.

This is her place, not mine.

I’m supposed to fix things afterwards,

Or sometimes, if she allows it,

Help with the process to the crash…

I’m not supposed to be the sole instigator.

I wish that I could make it up to you.

I’d offer to let you return the pain,

To let you take your sweet revenge

On my all-too-willing flesh…

But I know you could not do it.

You would be unwilling and unable.

And still, even knowing this,

I sidle up to you, offer you my knife,

Give you a chance at control.

You smile—just a little, sadly—

And turn away without a word.

Please, I beg of you…

Punish me.

This is Margaret/Succubus thinking about her lover Angela/Angel. The ‘she’ referred to is Jezzabelle, their mistress. Succubus is a real piece of work, that much is for sure. She’s dominant but kind with Angel, submissive but subtly cruel with Jez, and feels guilty no matter what she’s doing with either of them. She’s addicted to their strange, three-part relationship, though, and she’s not about to do a forced, self-rehab.