I smile and nod and my friends don’t see the signs.

I smile and nod but inside I cry.

The end is the beginning and yet we go on.

The end is just a new beginning, a chance to start afresh,

But people are too blind to see the truth,

Or perhaps just too ignorant.

Caught up in their own blissful existence,

Meeting deadlines, late for meetings, bills not paid.

I watch the people around me and feel chocked and claustrophobic.

Inside I drown in a sea of pain.

I smile and nod and my friends don’t see the signs.

I smile and nod but inside I cry.

The music, sweet music, how I love my music.

Some ridicule it,

They can never understand the power that lies in such music.

Some are ignorant and deaf,

They don’t hear the magic that is present in every note.

The music carries me away,

I can fly, I can soar, I can be free.

In the music my wildest dreams come true.

In the music, I am not me,

I am a wizard, a princess, a hero.

My problems are not my own.

But the music fades and stops,

It is not eternal as I imagined.

Then I am dragged into reality, the nasty place I hate to be in.

The power is destroyed and the magic is dissolved.

The music, sweet music, how I wish it could be eternally inside me.

I smile and nod and my friends don’t see the signs.

I smile and nod but inside I cry.

An elephant never forgets,

I shall never forget, but I wish I could.

The pain of the past, it haunts the present and the future.

A stain in life that will never be removed.

When all the happiness is forgotten, only the pain will remain.

The shame, the ridicule, the embarrassment, the hurt,

Time or space can not destroy these.

The weight of these in my life holds me down, wears me out,

I continue along the road,

A traveller with a pack too heavy to lift.

I rest but am still weary.

The traveller can not continue forever.

The merry and carefree pass by laughing and joking,

They point and laugh, but never offer help.

They will continue forever, but not I,

I will grow weary and give up,

Not by choice but by force,

The pack on my back is too heavy to bear and I will sacrifice all to have it removed.

And so I say goodbye to those who passed me along the long and dusty road.

I smile and nod and my friends don’t see the signs.

I smile and nod but inside I cry.

The mirror always tells the truth, it never lies.

It is in the cool and refreshing water of the stream,

It is in the deep and forbidding waters of the ocean,

It is in the single tear that falls from the eye to the cheek.

The reflection is scary,

You, but not.

It is someone different,

This ‘reflection’ is a sad and unhappy creature, whom I pity.

Their expression is one of anguish and fear,

An unknown emotion to one such as me.

We fool ourselves, with a false sense of security,

It is not us, we argue.

But deep inside, we know the truth.

A scary truth that hurts us to acknowledge.

That the reflection is us,

There are no lies and no deceit,

The mirror never lies, that we should know.

Yet with a smash, the mirror is gone,

The stream has ripples, as does the ocean,

The tear dissolves into nothing.

Although we know the truth we hide it,

We hide our true selves.

I smile and nod and my friends don’t see the signs.

I smile and nod but inside I cry.

I sit with those I know, but they don’t know me.

I converse with those I understand, but they don’t understand me.

I listen to those with problems, but they don’t listen to my problems.

I wear a mask, I hide and hide,

Those around me don’t see me,

Don’t hear me,

Don’t understand me.

I have hidden so well, I can not find my own self.

This is the end, I can feel it.

I have hidden too well and now I don’t exist.

I have murdered my persona with my pain,

I could not cope and I killed my spirit,

Now it is time for my physical being to join the rest of me,

For me to be eternally in peace and harmony,

To be a part of the wondrous music forever.

It is time for murder and suicide.

The end is the beginning, yet you go on.

My end will be your beginning.

Go on, for me, in my memory.

Live life and don’t waste it.

Talk, listen, understand.

Be what I could not be.

Listen to the music,

It will bring you power, magic and harmony,

It will be a way of escape.

Trust the mirror,

For it never lies,

Be yourself and don’t hide,

Or one day, you will be lost.

I smiled and I nodded and my friends didn’t see the signs.

I smiled and I nodded but inside I cried.

I smiled and I nodded and as a result I died.