The following words brought to you in threat-o-vision: Where the author has a big gang of neighborhood thugs surrounding him with weapons as he types this. . someone call the police.

Hi! I am writing this letter, under my own free will, to inform everyone that I will be leaving all of my remaining possessions and money in the care of local neighborhood gang, The Vipers. I can honestly say they are the nicest street gang I ever met. Like about earlier today for instance:

I was going to the store to buy some milk and. adult. magazines, when out pops Viper Leader, Spike McCann. He had recently loaned me an excruciatingly large sum of money for reasons I shall not speak of, and now he asked for payback. I had forgotten, and if you must get technical, I didn't even have it had I remembered. But the point is, Spike was such a nice guy, he helped me remember (By putting my face in contact with a bat going at high speeds but that's besides the point)! Boy, I never forgot again! In fact, as soon as I got home, I remembered to pack up and drive out of town, where Spike was waiting to greet me goodbye. in. his own little way. He even decided to throw me a going away bash (to the stomach). Boy howdy, was that fun. So now here I am, writing this letter because I'm. well I guess in one sense I'm going away. Out of town. To that big city in the sky. No, I'm not talking about Detroit. I, unfortunately, cannot disclose why I decided to write a will before I. left town, as I believe that could endanger my family for reasons unknown. Point being, The Vipers get all my money and stuff. So, sorry grandma! I know you wanted that cancer operation real bad, but I guess Spike deserves the money more that you. After all, what have you done for me? Remember my 5th birthday? Huh? Do ya? I wanted a freakin ! And did I get one? #$% no I didn't! Er. I'm off topic. Well, this just about wraps it up for my will. God help me.

Sincerely yours,
Magus0