Old Man Stories #3
HAS BEEN CANCELLED!!!
Stay Tune for old reruns of M.A.S.H.

Just kidding. We wouldn't do that to you. But today we are going to bring you:
Old Man #3
Old Man Subs for a High School Chemistry Teacher
(Once again in script form)

Old Man: All right! Everybody sit down! Today I'm going to tell you about World War 1 ½ . This war was long before you were born so-

Kid A: Wait a second! This is a chemistry class!

Kid B: Yeah! And World War 1 ½ never even occurred anyway.

Old Man: Yes it did! It was just a little bit before World War 1, and-

Kid A: Wait a second. Don't you mean after?

Old Man: Hey! Who's telling this story? I am! Now it all started when one of you young whippersnappers took my teeth. That greatly upset the Amish country.

Kid B: The Amish don't have a country.

Old Man: They did in my day. So, anyways, I was going down to Ma's Diner when I found a dollar and-

Kid A: You were just talking about some war though!

Kid B: Aren't you that old dude who shoved a cane in my little brother's ear?

Old Man: So The Amish went down to Wisconsin and demanded my teeth back. But the Wisconsin folk didn't have them. At this point the Amish resorted to threats. The Wisconsin folk, realizing they needed help, picked up the phone and called Hitler. They figured he could be trusted after his help in defeating the Martians in The Civil War. But the second Hitler heard about those cheesy people of Wisconsin he-

Kid A: CHEESE PEOPLE?

Old Man: In those days, people were made out of stuff. Like people in Idaho were made out of potatoes, people in Florida were Oranges, and people in Afghanistan were made out of weapons of mass destruction. Now where was I? Oh yeah. The second Hitler heard about those gooey cheese people he couldn't resist. So he and his wife, Mrs. Hitler , built a zeppelin and flew to Wisconsin. But then I found my teeth in a glass full of water next to my bed, so the rest of the story doesn't matter. Any questions? Kid B: Are we going to do anything involving chemistry?

Old Man: Chemistry?

Kid B: Yeah, like, chemicals and stuff.

Old Man: You mean the stuff I fed to the rat in the cage over there?

Kid A: Mr. Spanky? OH NO!

Old Man: These rats sure are weak. Why, back in my day we would fill our pet's water bowls with cyanide and.(Fades Out)
THE END

Author's Notes: For those of you who can't seem to find Old Man Stories #2, it was done by a friend of mine, known as The Assistant. The funny thing is this one was made a year before the others, because we were bored and made it together. Then we recently found this site, and the rest is history. Just don't let Old Man tell the history. He'll mess it up.