The Magus0 Complaint Book
Complaint #1

Now I've got a very serious question. What the hell is the deal with Captain Crunch commercials these days? I know its spelt captain, but that's just stupid too. The first stupid thing is the way the kids in the commercial bring up the topic of Captain Crunch. So without further ado, here goes my impersonation of a Captain Crunch Commercial, starting with that complaint.

Girl: I wonder when I'll be old enough to drive.

Boy: Yeah, I wish I had some Captain Crunch.

Girl: Yes! My life is meaningless without Captain Crunch! Without it, all I can do is beg for sweet, sweet, oblivion.

Boy: As do I, every day my life is not graced with the divine presence of Captain Crunch, may he take my mortal soul and use it for his bidding.

(At this point some incredibly annoying whistle blows and the Captain busts through their wall on some god-awful creation he has the audacity to call his "ship")

Both Kids: Captain!

Captain: Here, have a box of my (as always) new type of my same damn cereal.

Boy: Wow! Thanks Captain!

Captain: Crunchitize!

At this point, they go into some weird.. cartoon. dance . I can't really describe it, nor do I want to. It's far from a pleasant thought. Now here's what really gets me though. How much do you think that box of cereal cost he gave those kids cost? About four dollars, right? Now figure that the wall he just destroyed cost that family about seven thousand dollars in house repair. Now I'm no mathematician but.

$4 -$7000 _______ -$6996

There you have it. Figures don't lie. That whole trip to their house cost those kids -$6996 not including tax! I can understand the captain's motives. He's a freaking pirate, but why the hell are those kids so happy? It just doesn't make any sense. And with that, my first complaint, I bid you farewell.

A/N: I plan to add more complaints so if you have any suggestions just add them to your review. I read those a lot to pick up advice. But FYI, my next one will most likely be about that show "Fantasy Island". After that, I'll start using any good suggestions I see.