I started this probably a year and a few months ago, maybe two years, and just finished it, added a bit of flourish and cleaned it up a bit. Found a good quote to put at the end. Anyway. I should start off by saying that OY is an organization in Austin that lets gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight and transgender youth just hang out and be. It's not a hook-up or a class. It's just a place. The website is outyouth . org (remove the spaces), and if you want to know more, you can take a look.

I was toying with the idea of sending this to the Executive Director, who I know from way back – he used to just be a volunteer there. I thought maybe, if people could see what an impact it has on someone who went there for so long, it could get them more donors, more youth, more community involvement. I don't know. It was just a thought.

And here are some more. I wish I could describe what it's done for me better than I have.

Out Youth is a great organization. It's a decently-sized two-two with a great back yard, currently painted bright blue. You turn left onto 49 ½ St from Airport Boulevard, and you can't miss it. I've been going to Out Youth and its alternative prom for five years; it's pretty much a second home to me. It is a safe space, a place where sexual minority and gender-variant kids can hang out and meet others like themselves. They can get the respect and help they deserve. The staff helps them set up gay-straight alliances at their schools and puts on informative workshops, bringing in speakers from organizations like TACT (Transgender Advocates of Central Texas), Equality Texas, and PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays). They educate the next generation of GLBTQSI kids in health, safety and growing up: Life. It is a place of acceptance and learning and community and love.

My first day at OY was some two weeks or a month before I turned fifteen. Several of my classmates and I had gone to the alternative prom that May, and one of them finally brought me along with him, saying, "We're painting the drop-in center today. Want to help?" And he was the sort of person I couldn't say no to – meaning he was part of the human race – and, also, I was sort of curious as to what in the world a drop-in center was.

Whatever I was expecting when I walked through that sliding-glass door – perhaps thinking too much of the drag show at prom, a line of manly queens trying not to drip paint on their sequined dresses – flew straight out of my head. As I was introduced around, I got a small taste of how huge the community is. There were people who conformed to stereotypes, and then there were those who went ahead and made their own. There were gender-queer kids that you would fumble with pronouns until they sighed and tossed one, any one, out there for you to use, and they didn't really care which it was. My mom had gay friends, but these were things that those acquaintances hadn't prepared me for, coming from a heavily religious background and only a year into secular school – women and men, boys and girls, holding hands with whomever they liked, painting and laughing and being themselves – and I was assimilated and accepted at the click of a finger – wow –

Out Youth is where I grew up. I came into myself as a person, not just a label, in that house. Sometimes I expect to see notches carved into the doorframe, not marking height like in the laundry room of my mom's house, but marking significant events instead, the kind that stick in your mind and shape how you think and see everything: The tattoo on Jamie's foot, Andy's diagnosis of HIV-positive, Holly's snakebites, the Hallowe'en party of 2003. I didn't start smoking there, but it was a place that I could without fear of repercussions, another affirmation that it was a safe place to me. There were some bad times, but the good always outweighed the bad; Out Youth is one of the reasons I'm alive today. People came and stayed. I'm one of the ones that couldn't live without it.

The staff was always insanely tolerant. Christine's only rules were 'no swearing' and 'don't make me call EMS.' Jesus laughed with the rest of us when my sister shot a dental dam across the room and it landed on his bald head. Martha gave me twelve free sessions of therapy and encouraged me to call her if I ever needed to talk to someone. Everyone there accepted me as I was. We were a family; I idolized the older kids, most of whom graduated from the house at twenty in a special ceremony at prom a few years ago.

I'm nineteen years old right now. My birthday this year will be my absolutely final day at the house as a youth. I've seen a lot of changes in the house, and I can only imagine how much more the staff has seen and will see. For a while, I was unhappy with those changes, most especially the ones in staff during and after the house's unfortunate and (thank God) temporary closing, but I've come to a realization about that as well. The programs, the environment, the current staff is what people want and need from Out Youth right now. I have to face facts: Five years is a long time, a quarter of my life, and if it were the same today as it was when I started going, it would mean stagnation and decay. Out Youth is growing with its attendees. To do otherwise would be to fade and die.

Although I still enjoy going, I have to face this as well: Out Youth helped me grow up, and now that I have, it's time for me to leave, to learn to fly and leave the nest, so to speak. It's time for me to say goodbye to the young'uns, to graduate and leave tOY to the kids who still need what it offers. I hope, when they age out, they will feel the same way I do.

It's still my second home and always will be. Nothing will ever be able to erase the beautiful and painful experience of life and learning to live in that lovely house. I don't regret a minute that I've spent there. I wholeheartedly appreciate the time, energy, love and money that's been put into it by staff, donors, volunteers, parents and the youth themselves – not only in the last five years, but since its founding.

I have only one more thing to say, I guess. You guys that we old hands are leaving behind, leaving the organization to, never stop loving. Don't stop helping each other in your darkest hours. Never eer be afraid to reach out for help in a place that is safe for you, where everyone loves you. Never forget that you are special to us and that you hold a place in our hearts. And when you doubt yourself, reach over and take someone's hand, for strength, for comfort, because it will always be there, and you should never be afraid to be you. At Out Youth, 'Fearlessly Be Yourself' isn't just a catch-phrase or a motto; it's a way of life. Embrace it. It's safe, I promise.

All my luck. All my love.

"Life is a long series of unexpected hellos and unwanted goodbyes, and nothing we do can change that." --Augusten Burroughs, Dry