Antigravity
by Camui

Intro

" What you have written in your newest novel: `Compared to the greatness of the Universe, to the age it has and will last, to its vast distances that separate billions of worlds, what we really consider our world, the Earth, is nothing. We know it is nothing and yet, instinctively, we consider ourselves special. This feeling can be just mutual, as we consider ourselves the center of the world, but maybe, just maybe, it has a deeper reason to be there. Some may say that it comes from the Creator, but not going that far, we can still see the possible reason for that we feel entirely unique, as the humanity, as the living beings. We are unique, indeed, while whole the Universe seems as far to be going the shortest way to the maximal entropy and keeping the lowest possible energy levels, when it comes to the living beings, it's quite the contrary, they turn more complicated as the evolution progresses and being alive in itself consists of decreasing the being's entropy and the entropy of the world towards it. While having senses, collecting the information about one's surroundings, being aware of one's own existence, breading, producing energy and organic matter and growing are all the forms of breaking the rules, the life in itself is rule-breaking. That is why it's so special. It is indeed unlike anything else that surrounds it. It leaves us with the question: why ? Why do we exist ? Were we created, as the only thing that's basically different from whole the Universe ? Or have we appeared just by chance ? If so, then what chances are that there is life somewhere else in the Universe as well ? And if there's not, then what is whole the Universe beside us for at all ? If there's not, why should we care about it ? If there is not, one living being, one man, every single man that ever lived, lives or will live, is worth more than whole the eternally dead Universe, at least for me, because those who break the rules in that great a fashion as every man does by being alive, deserve admiration. Looking past all minor and major flaws, when we look at any man, thinking how he's different from all that surrounds him, from the billions of light years of dead void, we see something special, something great, something that in the blink of an eye of its fragile existence thinks about and feels more than whole the Universe ever will. And all we, as humans, can really appreciate, are thoughts and feelings, because of what we are.`" The TV show host ended reading and took her brown eyes up to look at the guest questioningly, putting the book aside. "That philosophy of humans being something that special, after so many bitter words over them as the destroyers of their own world, can be shocking to those accustomed to the usual line of your thinking, Irei-san. While your earlier novels were the histories of humans being evil by nature what was getting them to destroying their own world and the others, inhabited by strange creatures we could not begin to comprehend and less even, judge if they were as shamefully evil as we are or quite the contrary, this book focuses on humans being something special, that deserves a kind of admiration. From where has this sudden change come ?" She asked, reciting the question with practiced ease and as practiced smile on her face.

Her guest took a deep breath, taking long strands of blonde hair that had slipped out of the bun off his handsome face. He was young, unusually so for a guest of the literature show that was normally hosting eighty years old, half-blind, half-deaf old men, broadcasted late at night for no one of the ordinary public would watch it.

" I agree that it may be the strange thing coming from me: look at the others and inside yourself, not at the stars for if you even do, you'll see just humans there as well, but it is the way we are, we are not able to break away from ourselves to see the world in any other fashion than this of a man, we should accept it and acknowledge the fact that every single one of us is a part of evolutionary machinery, yes, but also, that this machinery may be something as unique that it is indeed worth more than everything else in the Universe. This is what I wanted to say in that novel. That no matter how meaningless what we do is, still, being alive in itself make us special, but also, responsible, for what can destroy the life very easily aren't just meteors and comets, but also, maybe mostly, humans, that seem sometimes like the cancer spreading all over the Earth with no consideration and destroying it, turning it into the part of that dead void outside very quickly with destroying its balance more and more. We are the result of breaking the rules, but obviously, rule-breaking ought to have its own rules if it's to be successful."

She nodded, seemingly satisfied with the elaborate answer.

" That's from were the title came, I bet ?" She asked, patting the top cover of the book she'd been reading earlier from. "With the `gravity` symbolizing the Universe's rules being alive means breaking and the `anti-` part for that we break it. But, have you heard about the release of the music album of the same name, by the band Superego, known more last times under the name of its new vocalist, Nori Ino ? As you're rumored to be knowing the man, is it still just a coincidence ?"

Something weird flashed in the man's blue-green eyes as the camera approached him.

Not exactly... It is as always with him and myself, we think about the same things, but in too different a fashion. For me the antigravity was what was making him special to me, because indeed, if anyone, then he's been the rule-breaker, for him it was the force that was pulling us apart. Antigravity, it is all about it...

Nori switched the TV off, almost angrily gripping the remote. Wherever he looked, there was always him, Shinya Irei, his books, his talks, his fans discussing his philosophy. Like if they knew him, like if they really knew what that man was all about, while all he was ever telling them and writing in his novels was one great lie, for himself even. And yet it'd gotten him that high, that much over everyone else...

He recalled, being asked the same question at a TV music show. Why was his, as the vocalist of Superego, first album named the same as Shinya Irei's newest novel and what he thought back then...

Antigravity... For Shinya it was something great, because it was unusual. I interested him like an exotic animal would, simply because I was so much unlike everyone else he'd ever met. He treated me like one, he tried to tame me, he almost succeeded... He took so much out of me and made it a part of himself, forcing me to become just like him, cold, detached... a liar... While all that'd been making me had been my ability to scream out the truth in people's faces, whenever they liked it or not... and he... took it away from me, by learning me to rather lie. Antigravity, the force of pulling away, that has made me attractive for him and has made this a nightmare for me... It is all about it...

" What would you say if they asked you like that ? What is it really for you, the antigravity, Nori ?" The obviously pregnant girl sitting next to him on the couch asked, while patting her swollen belly comfortingly.

His brows furrowed, his hands curling into fists for the shortest while.

" Is this just weird kind of love ? I outta know, don't you think ? After all, you made it my band's album's name." She continued, looking at him encouragingly.

He shook his head.

" It's more of ambivalence. To say that I loved Shinya Irei as much as I hated him once would've been an understatement. It was the Antigravity."

And that's what that story is all about...