I’m losing it…

Gone is the pain, the pain in my chest

The pain I like, the pain is best.

It fled through gristle and fled through bone

And tore through muscle like butter and stone.

It left me alone, and now I am numb

To suffer the waiting is my rule of thumb.

I don’t jump the gun, I only avoid

The cold metal ticket out of this void.

Energy in apathy surrounds my being

They have their eyes, their eyes are not seeing!

They think me a joker to enjoy when they want

Never once dreaming that my joy I don’t grant.

Gone is my joy, my break from this hell

The catcher below whenever I fell

To care is to love, to love is to burn

Yet I find only ice in the fire I yearn.

My heart still beats, its rhythm subsiding

Under my chest on which her head is residing.

But should haves and could haves and would haves aside

There is no sleeping love that I find at my side.

There is only the vacuum and thoughts once milled

The space is enormous; it must be filled.

‘Tis a rule of science that nature abhors

Such a space to be empty of nice open doors.

This heart beats on, its persistence amazes

Child’s blood is spilt, yet wars are but phases.

Do They ask me for what love I have opened my door?

Tell Them my heart pumps only blood, nothing more.

I’m losing it.