Frolicking with Sponges

Chapter Three- Into the Mind of a Grapefruit

Author's Notes: Urg, I forgot to add inside info on Renée. She's the complete opposite in real person, but something I play upon is her boyfriend, Justin. Say it with me here, Awww. Anyway, that comes in a bit later, and I swear she isn't that chipper in real life.

Onto the story!

~*~

Lady Renée showed us into a stone room that was hardly more comforting than the chilly chamber we had left behind. King Boron left, muttering about paint fumes. Prince Tuan also left, saying something about an emergency involving some poppy flowers and a lady-in-waiting. Buddha, after staring deeply into Sam's eyes, left as quickly as he had come. Princes Argon and Toridar, however, remained with us.

"So, did you catch the Red Sox game?" I asked cheerfully.

"Stop being stupid," Evelyn snapped, "We need to figure out what's going on."

"What do you mean?" Breah asked, her mind lingering on inappropraite thought of Prince Tuan with a slightly glazed look in her eyes.

"Let's think," I said in mock-concern, "We were at school, then somehow got sucked into wacko-world, where there are trees melting like popsicles and eyes that can speak...in English! Do we need to ponder anything over?"

"It was Coombes, Johnson and Boyle," muttered Sam, "They must have put a spell on us."

"Yeah, like three of our teachers are really magicians who can hurl people into alternate realities," said Breah.

"They can, you know," Prince Argon piped up, and Evelyn suddenly smiled, "They've ruled the ruined kingdom Oglethorpe for centuries now, and many men and women have died trying to remove them from power."

"Not to mention they are slaughtering the Eyelings, and every time an Eyeling dies, a child goes blind," added Prince Toridar sadly.

There was a long silence after Prince Toridar spoke. I wondered why we were here; was it an accident, or some higher power deciding it was time for us to come to this horrible place? Sam wondered how she could get home, and keep Buddha as her own personal massage therapist. Breah thought about a mall she may never see again, and Evelyn wondered if Eyelings could be nearsighted.

"I'm hungry."

Prince Tuan strolled into the room, his hair messy and petals on hs sleeves. Breah swooned.

"I have some rhubarb, want it?" I said, reaching into my pocket. My fingers curled around the slender stalk, and I pulled it out of my pocket and held it out before him. Prince Tuan eagerly grabbed for it.

"Thanks, and I think Breah's beautiful."

'He thinks I'm ugly. I need to stop eating or he will think I'm fat,' thought Breah, and vowed never to eat again, until she realized that she was already anorexic, which is why she's so skinny. In conclusion, Breah merely confused herself.

Breah watched Prince Tuan's mouth hungrily as it opened to accept the slightly moldy stalk of rhubarb. I felt like I was forgetting something.

"One second!" exclaimed Prince Toridar, "Don't eat that, Tuan!"

"Is it poisonous?"

"Of course not, but do not bite it!"

"Toridar...can it be?"

"It can!"

"It is!"

"Our prayers have been answered!"

"We can sleep safely once more!"

"Let's go get a donut!"

"Right, let's go!"

"Am I going deaf or are you IGNORING US?" Evelyn screamed, glaring at the trio of princes. They were polite enough to look ashamed of themselves.

"What's going on?" Sam asked uncertainly.

Evelyn marched up to the door, bolted it, and yanked the rhubarb out of Tuan's trembling hands. I crossed my arms and glared as menacingly as I could, waiting for the explanation to this madness. We waited.

"Er...," stuttered Prince Tuan.

"Evelyn," said Prince Argon, turning to the woman who made him feel thirteen again, "There are some things about this land that we have yet to tell you, important things! Those three magicians, this is the way to defeat them!"

"With rhubarb?" I said skeptically.

"Wait, how do you know my name?" Evelyn demanded.

"Oh, we can read minds!" said Prince Tuan cheerfully. Evelyn's jaw dropped, and Breah blushed a fearsome shade of scarlet and refused to meet Prince Tuan's eyes. Prince Argon shifted guiltily, and winked at Evelyn. I frowned.

"Now that we've figured out that Tuan stars in Breah's mental Playboy magazine, can we get a move on these explanations?" I yelled. Prince Toridar sighed.

"Come, I will tell you...,

~*~

Once upon a time, in a land only one hour away if you fly by chicken, there was a kingdom called Oglethorpe. It was a land full of happy people, ruled by a happy royal family. It often made sane people feel ill, to see how happy these people were. Farms flourished, and fish willingly jumped into their nets. The Oglethorpians lived in utopia, alongside the Eyelings, who wanted over and protected them.

When King Lycron, ruler of Oglethorpe, had a daughter, everybody celebrated, even the birds and beasts in the trees. However, the Eyelings were wary of this new child, and advised King Lycron to toss it off a cliff. King Lycron could not imagine doing such a horrible thing, so he raised his child, whom he named Chantal, with love and tenderness.

Princess Chantal grew to be a very troublesome daughter. She did not skip merrily over the morning dew, and spat in the face of the sunrise. When she turned sixteen, she married the evil Lord Edwin, who had no kingdom, but a very random and very powerful army that mostly plagued the nearby kingdom, Vonghorn. They took over Oglethorpe, and Chantal had her mother buried alive, her father exiled to a pit of rotting flesh, and her father's mistress to be eternally insane. She enslaved the Eyelings, and slaughtered most of the Oglethorpians, replacing them with mindless zombies. The land of Oglethorpe was destroyed.

However, in the gloom was a ray of hope. King Lycron's mistress managed to survive and give hope to the future. She constructed an altar, in the middle of her ruined home, and cast a spell over it. She took the only food she had remaining- an array of fruits and vegetables, and cast a spell over them, too.

'Come to me my fruits,

Come to me vegetables.

When luck and fortune hath put you on my altar,

Chaging as you come,

The curse that has befallen our blessed land,

Shall be shattered into one thousand diamonds.'

King Edwin and Queen Chantal had three children, all of whom went to alternate dimensions to see if they were worth taking over. People who had heard of the spells searched high and low for the woman's fruits and vegetables. All of the food was found, save for one, a single stalk of rhubarb.

This woman has since fled Oglethorpe, and many today call her Lady Renée.

Unless you are Justin. Then you know her as Schnooglepuff.

~*~

We assembled in the garden, those of us who had offered to take the Holy Rhubarb to the Sacred Altar that Renée had created. The roses were dripping lazily onto Sam's hair, but she didn't seem to notice. She only had eyes for Buddha.

Buddha wasn't the only one who had volunteered. Princes Argon, Toridar and Tuan were there, strapped in strong armor and weilding swords so wildly I feared they would take someone's eye out. Lady Renée showed up, chewing on a poppy flower and staring into space, humming to herself. Also there were two young servants, Nathaniel and Alexander. We figured if they died, they were only minor characters and nobody would care.

So we set out, princes in front, religious symbols in back. Breah shared a saddle with Prince Tuan, blushing horribly. Sam rode on Buddha's belly, but Evelyn and I refused to share a saddle or belly with anyone, so Alexander and Nathaniel carried us. We were on our way to save Oglethorpe!

"For Oglethorpe!" I cheered.

Evelyn threw her shoe at me.